Published November 20, 2008
An Epic To Last
It’s happened before.
Can it happen again?
It didn’t work out before,
Will it work out now?
I wasn’t ready then,
But am I ready now?
We were great before.
An epic to last,
Or so we thought.
But things have changed,
Time has passed,
Can we once against
Be an epic to last?
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Canary word: Present
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141,628 Literary Works • 675,280 Reviews
I agree with Galerius,
I think if you followed his advice, this poem of yours could really be something.
welldone for giving it a go!
You've mega-ultra-supercharged this with repetition and parallelism, from question-parallels to statement-parallels to idea-parallels to everything in between. This is all in one stanza and honestly, it's bloating the piece. You really need to divide this up into different ideas because right now I can discern some profound thoughts swimming around in a murky bowl, but they are too strung and encased with one another to be identified individually. I want to see them all lain out and sun-dried for the eyes to soak.
Also, it's very vague; perhaps you were intending for the meaning to be cloudy but as it stands, the poem really has nothing to offer the reader because if we cannot understand what you're talking about in the first place, then there's no incentive for us to think further into what we would consider a ball of smoke floating around without a father.
The use of "epic to last" twice ruins its depth. Take out the first case of the term, keep the second. Also, this is more of discussion than anything else; you haven't described anything to us but raw ideas, and raw ideas are not good lookers. Coat it in some symbolism, some imagery, even some simple object or tangible thought that readers can attach to. Then this poem shall be good.