Published December 14, 2009
People think that moment
Is the lowest they'll be.
That there is no greater pain
They have ever or could ever see.
But they're wrong,
Oh, they're so mislead!
That moment is nothing,
Save the limitations of their head.
For if this moment is it,
How will the next one feel?
I guarantee it will be worse,
Filled with pain you think unreal.
It couldn't possibly have been worse,
But it was and it will be.
What about two moments from now;
What about three?
There will be millions of moments
Worse than this one.
They will happen very soon in fact,
They begin when this is done.
So eventually you must come to accept
A brand new part of you.
That the mirror will now show two faces-
You and the you you once knew.
Take heed in knowing,
This is not the end,
Very far from it really.
But someday there will be a way,
For your body and soul to mend.
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140,616 Literary Works • 673,554 Reviews
Hey there!
Ok, so I have a suggestion for you. Obviously here you've tried to integrate a rhyme scheme. Now, rhyme schemes can be pretty good BUT sometimes they don't work. Sometimes ryhmes detract from the overall meaning and emotion of your poem. Unfortunately, I get a feeling of this here. Thing is, with a poem like this, you want to have so much emotion and feeling. It's a good subject, so you want to do it justice. But, here, the rhyming seems forced and a little bit simple, which drags what would otherwise be a very good poem down. So, my suggestion to you is to try writing some free form. Free form would be a great thing for you to try because then you can stop worrying about rhymes!
Because, I have to say, the meaning in this is cool. I do find it kind of sad (quite whining, more bad things will happen) but it's different, which is so great.
So well done! I hope you'll take my suggestion to count.
~Amy
This has a poor flow to it. You obviously tried to make everything rhyme, and this usually isn't advisable. Rhyming is forced by nature, and unless you can really make it work you shouldn't force it. It sounds a bit like Dr. Seuss and Sylvia Plath combined. Not a pretty combo.
I suggest rewriting it, this time without trying to rhyme. It should feel a lot better.
On the other hand, I really like how this is sort of, like, the antithesis of the emo poem. It basically says "quit whining, things could always get worse, and yeah, your oh-so-shattered heart will mend". It's kind of awesome.
~Aet
Over all for the flow, I didn't like it too much. There wasn't a lot of connection between the stanzas for me. I am not sure on how to correct this, becuase there is some, but I don't know what It is that is irking me. Also your rhyme it sort of felt forced in some lines like: The rhyme here is sort of annoying as it is so simple. Other than that. Your poem is good.
Keep writing.
I really like this
There's not really anything for me to suggest.
It was very clear, and it was easy to know what you were talking about. Plus, I love a poem that rhymes.
-Rach