22nd of December

Hey!!! So, i'm going to review your work a bit.

Okay. Well, it is very poetic, nice, and artsy when it comes to the usage of the words. I believe that you are really good in literature, aren't you? You have a future, though. I really love your work.

Each line is so meaningful, mysterious rather, for I think each has a deeper meaning than what we've thought at first. I'm not a pro to criticize your work that deep. BUT, your work is exceptional. Many people who are in love would love to read your poem. You're gonna be a famous author like J.K. Rowling (Yieee! You're a Potterhead, I know), trust me. I'm your fan. Haha

Hoping to read more of your works. Hoping to meet you soon! Happy writings!!!

xx

Hello strwbrryyy!
I really enjoy your poem. Like all of the other reviews you have read, I think that a lot of the rhymes are "forced" but over all it is really good. I have felt everything you have told me through the poem. I hope to see other works from you.
Keep writing,
alexagk01

Hello there. Welcome to YWS! Hopefully I'll be able to write a decent review 'cause I haven't done it in a very long time, and I'm no professional as well. lol But of course, ask away if you have questions.

I hope the previous reviewer wasn't too harsh, hehe. But like they said, your rhymes here seem forced and although I can try to get what you are trying to say in each line, they don't really make sense.

Try losing the syllable limit or the structure first. It is important to actually get your meaning across before shortening or lengthening your lines just so you could follow a pattern, your desired syllable count, or rhythm. Try completing your sentences first and avoid rhymes that do not make sense, and then from there you can try rewriting the lines to be more figurative or poetic.

Do not limit yourself to using similes and metaphors by adding a rhyming word at the end of each line. You can try switching between active and passive voice, or just make each line figurative instead of depending on that last word. I'm not saying that you can't just do that. But of course, if you are running out of words that rhyme and make sense for the poem, you can always change the rhyming pattern at the end.

I don't know, hopefully I'm not suggesting too many things at once. But anyway, reading more is very useful, especially to us writers. You can always find different styles and different rhyming patterns. But like I said, do not sacrifice meaning just to make a rhyme. Stretch your lines or rearrange them. Maximize your stanzas; do not think too much about what rhyme to end your lines with.

You can try your hand at writing free-verse poems, to get a good sense of flow. On another note, you can also try fleshing out the stories and the characters in your poems. Use imagery.

Sorry, I wrote too much. xD Hopefully I made sense and was able to help. Good luck and never stop writing!

I personally loved it! the ryming and emotion displayed by this piece is fantastic. I normally feel this way around the holiday time, so this is something i can easily relate to. Keep writing, you're obviously made for it.

I feel like a lot of your sentences were just thrown in to fit the rhyming scheme as a lot of the statements are left with no explanation or simply just don't make sense.It seems too forced
"Just like how fast I felt his hugging",
"I'm feeling the heat from the toast
Here in my heart, cooking as a ghost
My mind's current at roast"
These similes and metaphors don't exist, they don't make sense!!!

Poems that have a rhyme to them can show a writer's grasp over words in the most beautiful way but when a poem rhymes but the meaning isn't clear it takes from the poem.

keep writing and the rhyming will soon become more natural.

amazing (y) i like ittt