The endless yearning
and constant pull of my heart
the closer i'd get to you
the further you'd push me away
the more i'd retreat
the more you'd pull me back in
our hearts were one yours and mine, but i can't let go of what you've done
because words like that from someone you love
will destroy you from the inside out
How could i trust?
when i knew you were lieing all along?
Love,
Hate,
tell me where do our feelings lie?
It's amazing how much time has changed us,
but i wonder can we see?
we're so different from the people that we used to be
but then again do people truly ever change?
we try to walk away from the battle field,
only to be pulled back in,
we want to leave the mess behind...
but the sound of bullets being fired never leaves our minds,
Every time you look at me I feel like I'm doing something wrong,
but I cant help but smile when you make me feel like I belong,
The battle may rage once again,
or it may be laid to rest,
but we are always here,
with our guns on our backs...
and our shields ready...because we know...
the fine line between friends and foe...
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
it's good but it seems like it's written in two halves that have been a little bit carelessly combined but then again mabye it's just me...
okay first off, I saw one mistake... you spelled lying wrong... (see above)... Other than that it was superb... the rythm was great and kept my attention throughout the literary compostition... 5 stars... laugh out loud!
I agree that your rhyming is very interesting, I also like your topic because I think a lot of people can relate to it, however you do need to work on your word choice a bit. For example, "How could i trust?
when i knew you were lieing all along?" I really think you have the writing ability to say this but in a different more potent way. Good luck!
I like how you kept changing the rhyming pattern of you poem. I also liked how you described a friendship as a war, i can really relate.