Picturing paradise
As you run
Away from the world
Away from the bitter truth of reality.
You imagine running fast
Feeling the cold icy wind hit your face
Brushing through your wildly tangled hair
“Keep running” you hear the trees around you whisper.
You do so, as you close your eyes
Inhaling the smell of freshly cut grass.
Paradise seems nearer.
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141,710 Literary Works • 675,600 Reviews
Hello,
I like your poem its short, sweet, and simple.
Just one thing i picked up
You are picturing Paradise,
You are running,
Away from the world
Away from the Bitterness
And then you have written "You Imagine running fast"??? Maybe you should replace it with something like how the Muscles were burning with the speed.... or something like that. Because your second line contradicts your 4th line slightly.
Don't take my Critiques at heart please.
Hudz
XXX