Hello, hello, fellow author! I saw your work in the Green Room and decided to deliver a bird-themed review for you, partially inspired by the YWS S'more Method! Let’s dive right into it! (Bird-style, of course)
Bird’s-Eye View: First Impressions!
This short piece beautifully captures a moment of healing. The main character holds on to the memory of her best friend by leaving her voicemails on her phone. Although it has been a long journey of missing her friend, Sophie starts to feel peace and joy again.
Flying High: Things I Loved!
I love the symbolism of the sunset. When Sophie is looking out at it, she is reminded in many ways of the person she lost. She thinks back to when she had been at the Lake with Trinity, and how different everything was back then. She also sees the sunset as where Trinity resides.
Another thing I love is that Sophie is just telling Trinity about her life, and talking to her just like a friend. It really shows that life continues, and things happen, even when we feel everything has stopped.
Bird Song: Favorite Lines!
“Hi Trin, it’s me Sophie ha…I um this is the 8th time I’ve called. I don’t know why I keep calling or if it’s okay that I am.”
This dialogue feels very authentic amongst Sophie's moment of wondering. This line shows the complexities of how everyone deals with and copes with grief differently. (And yes, of course it's okay that she wants to talk with Trinity again)
Oh, if your Soph call again... beep.
I let out a sigh and call again because it’s habitat and what else would I do?
*I think you might have meant "habit" here. Just thought I should mention *
I love how this shows how close Sophie and Trinity are. It also explains that Sophie still feels a bit lost without Trinity, and almost is subconsciously calling her.
Preen Your Feathers: A Bit of Advice!
One thing I would like to mention is the second paragraph, where you describe the sunset. You used the words "orange and blue" multiple times, which can sound repetitive. Choosing different words to describe the colors that Sophie sees may make this part flow better.
Of course, this is just my interpretation, and you don't have to take my advice if you don't want to. I just want to include helpful feedback to you as a writer. This piece is still amazing!
Lifting Off: Closing Thoughts!
Overall, this was a beautifully written scene that explores the ways in which we cope with grief. In a few paragraphs, you gave us enough knowledge to understand the situation, while also providing unique imagery and connecting us to the protagonist. Well done!
Keep writing! -Avian
Points: 2808
Reviews: 39
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