Dear dad,
I would really appreciate if you would stop smoking. You have done such a dramatic change since you quit drinking. Our relationship was horrible back then. I used to detest speaking to you and spending time with you because you were annoying, always drunk. You would always say things to act funny but you weren't funny at all. Drinking and smoking can destroy you physically, mentally, and health wise. Last thing I want is for you to be gone before time. I really want to thank you for the change you did when you stopped drinking. Now it's time to stop smoking. Your lungs are become less healthy day by day because of you smoking. I want you to stop for your own health. But, besides that can you please stop for my brother and I? We really need you to stick around with us for as long as possible. All you've done since my brother and I have been alive is worry about is and take care of us, now it's time for us to worry for you and take care of you. I beg you to please change your ways for your own good and for our good. I love you so much dad! Please think about this, and think how much better everything will be. Life would be much better for all of us.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Heya,
This is a great letter/story whatever you are calling it, good job.
I like the emotion you do have in here, but I think you could possibly add more, this would add more depth to it.
You could add more of a story to it, in the sense that you could expand in maybe why he started smoking and how he managed to stop drinking. This would make the reader connect more with the story and understand the emotions more.
Also maybe add a from.... at the end, it is a letter after all and the fact that you started with 'dear dad'.
Overall you have done a nice job.
Keep writing
Nargles xxxx
Steph, very touching poem and great message. I'm sure many people can relate to this because smoking and drinking has destroyed many families. I found a few grammar mistakes such as verb agreement and spelling, for example: "Your lungs are become less healthy day" should be "becoming".... Other than that, it was written nicely and with a lot of emotion. Keep writing. Hurtado
All you've done since my brother and I have been alive is worry about is(us) and take care of us...
This was very touching. I read the letter all the way through and had tears in my eyes at the end. You have displayed a very good message here, smoking and drinking can be very bad for the health. To leave those habits is very difficult but to do it for your loved ones, that's very sweet. You have potential to write more, so you can add a little bit about your past, how things had been. You can add a little about how life would be better. And do it in seperate paragraphs so it can be distinguishable.
Overall, I was glued to this beautiful piece of writing. Do write more and I would love to review it for you.