Stability

Hello there stelxlarsana! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work!

First off I just wanted to warn you that I am not a very god reviewer :/ I am more the inspirational reviewer than the actual grammar and stuff reviewer =) I will try my best to spot anything I see though *thumbs up*

Alrighty, so on to the review (that rhymed! xd)- Your work was really well done, I have to say that it takes talent to get this flowing well. *big thumbs up to you* The subject your lyrics were about was a good one too. Even though I have never experience that I felt the emotion flowing through the words. Good job!
One thing I have to suggest is your grammar - now I don't usually pick up on those things but I noticed in this one that you have no periods, commas, ect. No grammar whats so ever...I suggest you reread through it all and maybe try and fix that problem. All in all though your poem was well written and I enjoyed reading it.

My absolute favorite part that really hit home for me was this one -

"I'm crying on the inside

confusion and guilt flow through me

this happens everytime

oh why can't love come for free

always a little too weak

a little too wrong

our future looks bleak

even though together we's be strong"


Looking back on that paragraph I found a grammar issue. You said "we's be strong" I think it should have been "we'd be strong" xD

Your writing is awesome! Your doing great! Keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your work.

~Selina a.k.a The Silent Bagpipe

Hey there!!!

Welcome to YWS!!! I see today is your first day!!! Always the craziest it seems, so many places to go on this site. Its wonderful! I hope you stick around, I dont get to review lyrics much so this was something fun for me!!!

So here are a few things a saw that I figured I would point out!!!

"even though together we's be strong"
So it would be "we'd" Obviously just a little typo there...

"I hate you, I hate you get out of my life"
Should be a comma after the 2nd "I hate you"

"You're supposed to be my number one

protecting me from the cruel worlds harm"

Ok so to me this sounds a little different then the impression your giving in the rest of the song! :/ " I'm supposed to be your number one" seems like it would fit better. Its just that it sounds like in the rest of the sound this other person IS number one, so why say... "you *should* be my number one" I dont know, maybe just play with that, or I could be looking at it totally wrong!!!

Wow this was a really cool song, I wish I could here it to music, I think its amazing!!! Its actually something Ive been going through recently so its kinda cool to here it in beautiful words like these...

Keep up the amazing work, I cant wait to (hopefully) read more of your lyrics!!! Best of luck with editing and I will see you around the site!!!

I like the repetition you used here, with the repeated "I hate you." It gives the song a more bitter tone, as if the person you're directing it at is someone that you meant to have be there and they have greatly deceived you.
I particularly liked another repetition of "just please," it resonates with a pleading voice and captures an essence that altogether makes me want to hear this song aloud to know the true tone of it.
Because while reading I interpreted it as regretful and remoreseful, but also bitter and vengeful for what was never given to the one singing the lyrics. I would greatly love to hear this brought to life with a melody.