Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Romantic


feathers among men - chapter 2

by starlitnight

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Xen heaves an exasperated sigh as he walks into Forester High with his twin sister Zenith. As the two walk towards their lockers, Xen notices Jazzlyn leaning against a locker that's not hers. The Jay Clan girl nods silently to acknowledge their presence. Xen and his sister both nod back and continue on their way, no one noticing the silent exchange.

They two continue to walk down the halls to their lockers before Xen greets Ziyad with a grin when the twins notice him in front of their lockers.

"Hiya there Xen!" Ziyad chirps, his books in his arms, all ready for the start of the day.

Zenith groans in exasperation, rolling her eyes.

"Why do you insist on using such cringe-worthy greetings?"

Ziyad grins and sticks out his tongue, "Because your reaction is hilarious. And did I greet you, hm?"

Xen laughs and nudges his sister, "Don't mind him. He's just trying to get a reaction out of you," he then leans in closer and whispers slyly, "and I think he likes you."

Zenith huffs and crosses her arms, pouting as she turns away from the two males. An unnoticed blush on her face. Ziyad coos when he sees the girl's reaction, while Xen laughs from behind at his sister's plight.

Xen looks over at Ziyad with a questioning stare, "Why are you here so early?"

Ziyad puffs out his chest proudly, "I woke up early and I decided to be on time for once!"

Zenith snickers, "I bet his parents threatened to take away his gym membership if he was ever late to school again."

Said male blushes and splutters his defense, a pout on his handsome face, "I- you-! Ugh never mind. Unfair!"

Zenith teases the male more as Xen watches their interaction with a smirk on his face. The two get into a heated conversation before turning to Xen for help. Xen, of course, doesn't side with any of them causing them to bicker more. They continue their bickering for a few more minutes before a bell goes off and the three glance at each other in shock. Groups of students rush around them in their frenzy to get to their classrooms.

"It's already been that long?" Ziyad asks in amazement.

Xen huffs in annoyance, "Great it's Mr. Lattimore's class first."

Zenith groans, "He always makes me want to fall asleep."

The two males nod in agreement before the twins remember they need something. The two glare at Ziyad to move from in front of their lockers, causing Ziyad to chuckle timidly before the two rummage around their lockers for the books they need. Ziyad laughs at them before they all walk to their homeroom.

»»————-  ————-««

It's the last class before lunch and Ziyad is huffing from his place beside Xen. The black-haired male snickers under his breath.

"Can't figure it out smartass?"

The older male sticks out his tongue at his best friend, "Not everyone is as smart as you Xen."

"Well maybe if you actually studied in your free time and didn't worry about how you look to Zenith you would be smart," Xen teases.

Ziad's cheeks bloom red as he processes Xen's words.

"I don't like your sister!"

"Mhm? Your actions say otherwise," Xen teases.

Ziyad grumbles, accepting his defeat as he goes back to taking notes.

Zenith hisses from the other side of her brother, "Stop saying he likes me!"

Xen raises an eyebrow.

"He obviously loves me," she counters.

Xen rolls his eyes with a smile on his face and continues to take down notes as Mrs. Zmich keeps writing on the board as she prattles away in the front. Her voice lulling most of the students into a daze. Xen is slowly succumbing to the daze until he is pulled out of it when he feels a pair of eyes on him. He scoffs lightly when he realizes it's probably Blair again. She really wasn't being discreet about it. Basically, everyone knows about her crush on him. Except for her, obviously, she doesn't seem to notice that he already knows. He's not an oblivious dork. And Jazzlyn did tell him that a human had a crush on him.

Xen fiddles with his chain as he keeps writing down notes, but when he notices what he's written he lets out a frustrated grunt. Why are his notes a confusing mess? This thinking about a girl who has a crush has him in all sorts of funk. Besides, he likes Miriya. The noiret looks up to the front where Miriya sits, her pen dangling lazily from fingertips. Xen smiles lightly as he stares at her beautiful blonde hair before he goes back to erasing the mess of a paper in front of him. A huff escapes Xen's lips as Ziyad chuckles at his best friend's obvious discomfort.

»»————-  ————-««

The three walk out of their last class of the day, AP world history, Mrs. Bambi's class. The three seniors walk leisurely towards their neighborhood. Once the three friends entered their gated community, a magic fizzles to life around them and disappears once the three fully crossed the forcefield. The hybrids continued teasing each other until they arrived in front of the Nolan's residency. A butler greeted them as the three enter in the front door, kicking off their shoes before clamoring up to the loft, giggles floating behind them. The twins flop onto bean bags as Ziyad lays down on the soft carpet, a beautiful cat coming over to him to cuddle.

Ziyad giggles and looks over at the twins, "Your cat seems to like me more than the both of you."

Xen grunts as he rolls over, "She just likes you more because you give her the love and cuddles that she begs for."

Ziyad raises an eyebrow as he brushes his hand through the cat's soft, grey fur, "Why don't you give her the love and cuddles that she 'begs for,' hm? Are y'all that mean?"

Zenith is the one who answers him this time, "Because she needs a bath and we're too lazy to give her one. And she always asks to be cuddled when she knows she's not allowed to."

The older male hums as he continues to pet the cat, a comfortable silence falling over the trio. Soon Ziyad and Zenith are passed out, the male snoring lightly as Xen looks at his younger sister and best friend with a smile on his face. He muses how they got to be friends before he realizes their tutors should be coming soon. The noiret shrugs and shifts into a more comfortable position before he himself drifts off into dreamland knowing that their butler will wake them up once their tutors arrive.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
167 Reviews

Points: 3680
Reviews: 167

Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:39 pm
View Likes
JesseWrites wrote a review...

I haven't read the first chapter, so this may be harder to understand. This was good from what I read. I had a hard time figuring out what you meant by "magic". You didn't give much information on that.

You dragged many sentences on and used ~. You didn't need that, but it wasn't a mistake. You used it multiple times. Please use a grammar check or just proofread. It helps with flow and figure of speech.

Good job!

starlitnight says...

thank you for the review! sorry this has so many punctuation mistakes, i promise i'm not horrible with them, i just wrote this with no capitalization haha. i'll work on the sentence flow soon! ^w^

~laynie <3

User avatar
146 Reviews

Points: 8952
Reviews: 146

Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:39 am
View Likes
LittleLee wrote a review...

Okay. Nice story. I was slightly confused at first by how you kept saying "male" instead of "boy" or something, but then I read your first chapter and it became slightly more clear. But only slightly: you have to work on explaining what exactly is going on, what kind of magic they use, etcetera. Normally, writers don't explain everything in the very beginning because they manage to divert attention to other aspects of their story. i think the problem is that the magic and "clans" and all that is in the spotlight of yours, so you have to make things easier to understand! What are they, if not human? " the noiret snickers " - is he something called a noiret? It's all pretty perplexing. If he's a noiret, I suggest you use the word with a capital letter, or it looks more like a spelling mistake or something!
Other than that, you've dragged on your sentences. Break them apart and use proper punctuation as well.

""He obviously loves me~"" What is the "~" even for? You repeated this twice. It doesn't look good and breaks the sentence.

The story itself is interesting and amusing to read. However, you have to use other things, like figures of speech, to try and engage the reader more. As it is right now, it's too light to go through seriously. But good work! keep it up.
If my review sounded aggressive or too critical, sorry! I'm just sincerely trying to improve your story.
Happy writing!

starlitnight says...

thank you! and for the magic, i wasn't planning on revealing what that is just yet because i'm trying to let the reader see what it is from a human's perspective i guess? it's because they don't know anything about magic and the clans. maybe i'll work on that haha

i also fixed some things you pointed out. thank you!

~laynie <3

If you have to ask, "Is this cliche?", it probably is.
— - no name -