what does it feel like to be a god among peers what does it feel like to always get what you want what does it feel like to be admired by all what does it feel like to be right every time to be fed attention and words of congratulation left and right what does it feel like to be better than everyone and to always be first choice i wonder if you ever think things like that about me something like what does it feel like to be rebellious to defy absolutely everyone to desire freedom to wear combat boots a smirk and ripped dark green jeans what does it feel like to learn snippets of languages to get lost in a history book to stare at a globe for too long and to stay up too late blasting music and writing the names of friends in cyrillic but for the moments that we are not torn by competition we sit together and wonder what it feels like to live each other’s lives "what a beautiful day, my friend."
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello!
I really loved the theme of the poem and how you have approached it.The first stanza sounded repetitive and i was a bit put off by it. But then i really liked the sudden shift in tone in the second stanza, and found it really intriguing, that's where you had me hooked!The third stanza is again repetitive but it sounded pretty good, probably because of the credibility added to the poem by the second stanza, and the shift in perspective (if you can call it that!).
The tone again changes with the fourth stanza , but i think it sounds pretty good!
The last line doesn't fit into the flow of the poem, but it doesn't have to! I think this line adds depth to the poem and stands good with the theme.
Good job!
And have a good day/night!
Hey Startchaser!
This poem has such an interesting theme to it. I really like how the first stanza sets it up to sound like idolatry or even jealousy, the second softens it, and by the third stanza that phrase 'for the moments that we are not torn by competition' really stands out. It creates that sentiment, not just of wondering what the other persons life is like, but also what could have happened and where the lives of these two could have gone if they weren't in competition, and if they were allowed to just be near each other.
I'll be honest, I was put off at first by the repetition in the beginning, but I think I actually like how it decreased and faded more towards the middle. It has the same effect but without the annoyance, you've done it quite well.
I'm not sure about the last line. The last line of the penultimate stanza works great, but the sudden change of tone and use of speech is a bit fast and I don't feel like it adds much to the poem over all.
The theme of this is a fun idea to think about, I enjoyed it. Thank you for posting =]
"what beautiful thoughts, my friend"
"what beautiful thoughts, my friend"
beautiful poem