Alone

One, it's not really clear about what's going on. Two, the grammar is just terrible.
I'd say just make it clearer, fix the grammar issues, and try not to repeat things as much as you did.
I believe it's got potential, now you just got to work it out. Good Luck!! ^-^

Hey Spyoh,

Four years ago they disappeared

Like they never existed
Like I never heard about them
Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago

Nothing none zero not an atom of their goodness

The only thing remained for them was their shadow

The evil shadow I mean
The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
The one that is Injustice with me
The one that keeps abusing me for nothing
The one that said that "I hate you"

The one that was made to ruin my life
The one that made to make my life Miserable
The one that devoted his/her life to make sure i will never be happy
Yes that’s true no more Tenderness no more Kindness

Yes, no more Love no more Care no more good feelings

In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive

After everything that evil shadow do didto me

Staying strong no matter he/she dodid

shanan-cat wrote:Hey, I do what I can to help.

Hey, I do what I can to help.

bloodyblackrose really thank you ^^

i really liked this poem. despite a few grammatical errors and typos it was pretty good. but the beginning was a bit confusing because it wasnt clearly specified what "disappeared" but i assume its the love and good feelings and care, and all that other fluffy stuff???
"Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago" you should take out the word 'in' because it doesnt make any sense there.
"Nothing, none, zero, not an atom of their goodness"
"The one that is Injustice with me" not quite sure what that sentence is supposed to mean...
"The one that said that "I hate you"" take out the second 'that'
The one that wasmade to make my life Miserable
Yes that’s true. No more Tenderness ,no more Kindness
Yes, no more Love, no more Care, no more good feelings
.......................................
In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive
After everything that evil shadow did to me
Staying strong no matter he/she does
And I did
Yes, I did survive
In that moment i became sure that the shadow had no need of me
Told the taxi driver “Just go, please, go"
Now im alone. now im alone.

i liked it a lot

wonderingkate wrote:Hmm... I kinda agree with the others. I can't tell if I like it or not. I can definitely see grammar and punctuation mistakes, the rhyming didn't flow well ( to me ), and I don't quite understand it. However, I think you should definitely keep writing and practicing! It's obvious that you are passionate about what you write; a wonderful thing to have!

Have a wonderful day!

-Kate :]

Hmm... I kinda agree with the others. I can't tell if I like it or not. I can definitely see grammar and punctuation mistakes, the rhyming didn't flow well ( to me ), and I don't quite understand it. However, I think you should definitely keep writing and practicing! It's obvious that you are passionate about what you write; a wonderful thing to have!

Have a wonderful day!

-Kate :]

retrodisco666 and AutumnSun thank you guys
And shanan-cat i will try to make it better next time
Thank you all

It seems to be lacking something. I think the repetition throws me off. I would suggest more imagery but the emotion is strong so good job on that. I think it could be good but right now, I'm not too crazy about it.

I really like this piece, but I think that there are a few things that you could change. Not big things, but snall things that make the difference between "Like" and "Unlike".

[quote="spy0h"]The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

Right here, you put "yelling" in capitals. I don't know wether or not that was a typo or you meant it, but if it was, just anmke sure that you go over your work twice before you submit, and if you meant it, then I think that making it capital doesn't put much effect into the piece. It stops the flow and it doesn't look roght when you read it in your head.
You also have it here:

[quote="spy0h"]The one that made to make my life Miserable
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

In the following, you put a space before the dots, and I thought that was a little strange. Usually you just put the sapce after the last dot, but maybe that was a nother typo?

[quote="spy0h"]Destroyed me ... smashed me
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

[quote="spy0h"]i left everything behind me
Everything
Every good or bad Memory
Written by Huthaifa [quote]
Maybe some more typos, but if not, then I think that capitalizing the "m" ruins the flow of your writting, especailly at the end.
Otrher than those few things, keep up the work and I love you style of writing.
Have fun with it.

I can't tell if i like it.

That's the only thing i can think of putting.

~Retro Disco666