Lindsay Dyem B. Legan
J1A - BS Tourism
TOPIC: Teenagers
Teenagers are like a ship traveling in the ocean because of its smooth sailing and you are heading to an adventure. The wind will direct your sail on what particular place you are going as long as someone is controlling the direction of the ship. When you are already going to give up, don’t lose hope because there is a lighthouse that will guide you on your way. Enjoy the smooth sailing of the ship but never forget to control it because once you forget it you will not know where you are already heading to. Being a teenager is not easy because there are changes that will happen to you and you just need to accept it. You will recognize that you are in the stage of being a teenager once you recognize that your appearance is already changing but other people could recognize it through your attitude and behavior towards them. Becoming a teenager is hard at first but suddenly you will just need to go with the flow. As we become a teenager, the essential characteristics can be described according to emotional, physical and social aspects.
Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes and feelings according to urban dictionaries. You will never know what particular emotion you are going to do in a certain situation. Teenagers express their feelings through their emotions especially when they are happy or feeling sad. Becoming a teenager you will feel curiosity in your surroundings because you are now facing another stage that you are not quite familiar about it. You will try and discover new things until you figure it out what is the meaning behind them. Eventually you will become conscious because that is the time that you already realize something about yourself. You will already become sensitive to yourself while insensitive with other people’s feelings.
Physical characteristics are defining traits or features about your body. It is what you can see with your own naked eye. It includes variety of things that you can see to yourself. Every person changes his own physical characteristics and each one of us has his own unique characteristics. You can recognize the change in physical appearance in the transition of child to adult because there is a huge difference when you are a child from being an adult. During teenager is the start of changing your physical appearance. You can already recognize that your physical appearance is already improving and changing and it is out of control. You are already starting to grow up in that stage in life. Don’t be nervous because it is part of life that you need to change for the better.
A social characteristic deals with all the information about the relationship that people have with one another. Some teenagers prefer to be with their friends rather than family. Friends are very influential to teenagers because teenagers nowadays are peer oriented. Family is being left out while friends are there to be with you when you want to have fun. Social media also influence us because we spent much of our time with our gadgets. It is another way of communicating with other people. It can affect our behavior and attitude towards different aspect.
A teenager is someone who is 10 years from finding out they knew nothing when they thought they knew everything. Jolly, drama, emotions, changes, rumors, love, broken hearts, and tears are some of the things teenagers are experiencing. Today, teenagers are totally different from the past because they changed a lot in many ways. Some have an aggressive behavior because they are not disciplined well but some are energetic and want to be socializing with other people. They should be independent by now because it is the preparation of becoming an adult. They should know how to act as a grown up and differentiate what is right from wrong doings. We should understand by now that as time pass by you need to be a teenager and make the most out of it because you need to travel several stages in life.
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Canary word: Present
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125,490 Literary Works • 672,931 Reviews
I was impressed with your introduction. It made me understand what your essay is all about.
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You also did a good title.
"Becoming a teenager you will feel curiosity in your surroundings because you are now facing another stage that you are not quite familiar about it. You will try and discover new things until you figure it out what is the meaning behind them. Eventually you will become conscious because that is the time that you already realize something about yourself. You will already become sensitive to yourself while insensitive with other people’s feelings."
- Don't forget to insert comma to indicate a short pause while reading. It is important so the readers will be able to clearly understand your sentence. Also, you may insert the words, first, second, lastly, etc.. (transitions)so your essay will have a better flow .
"Every person changes his own physical characteristics and each one of us has his own unique characteristics. You can recognize the change in physical appearance in the transition of child to adult because there is a huge difference when you are a child from being an adult"
--you may change some words that is exactly the same in order to avoid repetition. I advice you to consult a thesaurus for it is a big help. Again, insert some commas.
"Some teenagers prefer to be with their friends rather than family." you may insert "their" after the word "than" to indicate the receiving object of your verb.
Regarding your conclusion, You must repeat your topic sentences for each paragraph (after your introduction) and you must restate your thesis statement.
Rating your work...hmm. you did a good start in writing. And I am sure that after you have read the comments and reviews from your readers, you will be able to produce better literary pieces with the series of advice that is suggested to you.
I'm hoping for more literary pieces coming from you.
Nice HOOK
Heyy Splendidsay! Sapphire to the review!
Another good topic to review : Teenagers.
Its formatted really well and I liked it!
"Teenagers are like a ship traveling in the ocean because of its smooth sailing and you are heading to an adventure''.
I liked the first line of you're article i.e. mentioned above.
I liked the way you have explained everything that is related to teenager like every single thing.
I like this paragraph of you article very much:
" Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes and feelings according to urban dictionaries. You will never know what particular emotion you are going to do in a certain situation. Teenagers express their feelings through their emotions especially when they are happy or feeling sad. Becoming a teenager you will feel curiosity in your surroundings because you are now facing another stage that you are not quite familiar about it. You will try and discover new things until you figure it out what is the meaning behind them. Eventually you will become conscious because that is the time that you already realize something about yourself. You will already become sensitive to yourself while insensitive with other people’s feelings''.
Everything is put-up really well in the article.
Good luck!
Hoping to see more such articles further.
Have a nice day!
FuturAuthor,
SapphireFlames.
I love your hook!
Well said. Keep it up.
nice work great essay keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Hello, splendidsay! I'm here for a review.
Hope that I helped. Good luck!
Welcome to YWS!
The title was related in your course, isn't?? And then goes along
By the way, I found a catchy title that comes with an amazing introduction in your work. This is the best essay that I have read as of now. You started off with a realization which made the flow smooth. Just make sure that starting an essay must be short but really do catches the eye of the readers.
There is a good organization of ideas but some mistakes on using capitalization and punctuation marks just like
Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes and feelings according to urban dictionaries.
---> Urban Dictionary
and
We should understand by now that as time pass by you need to be a teenager and make the most out of it because you need to travel several stages in life.
---> A comma should be placed between "by" and "you" so that readers won't be confused of it.
Also, do not use contracted words on an essay.
"When you are already going to give up, don’t lose hope because there is a lighthouse that will guide you on your way."
----> It's a bit weird to hear, I think it's better to have, "When you were to give up"
I am also looking for your thesis statement in your conclusion.
Overall,
You've worked for a good essay. Maintain the attractive intro of yours.
I forgot. You might wanna shorten your topic sentence to something like "Teenagers are like ships smoothly sailing towards an adventure." because my teacher said topic sentences aren't supposed to be too long. :> And, I just noticed that you kind of have some misplaced modifiers.
Dyem, you said you wanted me to comment on your essay and here goes. Your essay was nice, more than nice, actually because aside from being educational, it's also creative. I noticed some things though. First, your subject-verb agreements are flawed. Also, some of your sentences are not parallel. Lastly, your verb tenses are not consistent. If it weren't for those three, I'd say this essay is perfect.
Hi!
I'm here to make a simple review with your essay! 
Maybe you mean that the wind may bring it somewhere so someone must be there to control the right path to track. Isn't it? 
Another, in the conclusion, I think you better cite again something about the controlling ideas you have written in the introduction part. 
Be careful with the organization/construction of the sentences so it will be clearly understood by everyone. 
You can do that! 
"Teenagers are like a ship traveling in the ocean because of its smooth sailing and you are heading to an adventure." I like your hook statement. It was nice that you made comparison between two ideas. Nice strike! ;D
"The wind will direct your sail on what particular place you are going as long as someone is controlling the direction of the ship." I think you better revise this one because some may become confused on this. You said that the "wind will direct your sail" but the other part of the sentence told us "as long as someone will control it". Who really controls the ship, the wind or that someone? Just a bit confused.
"Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes and feelings according to urban dictionaries." Is it really urban dictionaries or Urban Dictionary? Be careful.
"You will never know what particular emotion you are going to do in a certain situation." I suggest to use the words "going to feel" rather than "going to do".
I think it's not appropriate to use "Every person changes his own physical characteristics..." unless you justified clearly what you are pertaining to. It gives us different interpretation from what you really mean.
"Becoming a teenager you will feel curiosity in your surroundings because you are now facing another stage that you are not quite familiar about it." You better revise this line to be more pleasant to hear/read.
I also suggest the use of different transitional devices to make it appeal better with the readers.
As a whole, your work is good. It still give information on what's about the stage of being a teenager is. Good job!
-RachelLescano
A nicely written essay!! Being a teenager is hard, but one day, a few years from now, you will see that some best experiences are made out of it. Coz that's when you're feisty and not afraid to do what you want! Enjoy it!
Nice essay!
a very inspiring essay my dear daughter......this will serve as an inspiration to all teenagers like you.....keep it up and continue what you've started.....
You have a great thesis statement as well as an awesome conclusion. Hoping that this would be also read by many teenagers. Great essay!
Nice Essay
Keep it up
Nice essay. I like the thesis statement. Keep it up
Since I am a Marine College Student, it's easy for me to understand the exposition. I can relate to the article and made it interesting for me to read. Every people encounter the stage of being a teenager, the gradual changes of their personality, the point of view to their future life. This article reminds me of what my father told me, as I grow up, I change a lot, on how I move on how I think and on how I respond to a certain situation. Also my father told me that while I'm a teenager I could relax but be sure that there is a time that every time is serious. By the way, It's just a share.
Reading this article made my day, especially the fact that the writer of this article compared teenagers are like ships sailing in the sea. Once I go on-board, automatically I will remember this article. Congrats to the writer, a good job.
Such an inspiring essay!
Your conclusions are well explained. Keep writing!
Nice Essay
I recently had the good fortune of reading your article regarding investment strategies. It was well-written and contained sound, practical advice. In fact, I have already benefited from your discussion on risk versus return. You pointed out several things that I will remember for years to come. I look forward to reading your next informative work. Thank you.
I recently had the good fortune of reading your article regarding investment strategies. It was well-written and contained sound, practical advice. In fact, I have already benefited from your discussion on risk versus return. You pointed out several things that I will remember for years to come. I look forward to reading your next informative work. Thank you.