A cloud floats until it fades,
But there will be more.
There is the Sun, turning on and off,
But it will turn on again.
A person lives until it dies,
And there will always be more.
But I am not perpetual.
You and I are not forever.
And the Earth spins,
And the clouds float,
But I am gone.
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
This was a great poem, very artistic. The first stanza could low better, though, If you changed I to "There is the sun, turning off, but it will turn on again." It just sounds better. Don't start a sentence with 'and'. Lastly, amazing job! This came from the heart, and I think that's important in every poem,
Hey there Spinelli, this is Firedancer here to review your poetry work.
"There is the Sun, turning on and off," I like how you referenced the sun to a light source such as a house light or lamp. And I like the optimism at the end where you state "But it will turn on again."
I like the optimism in this line as well. "A cloud floats until it fades,
But there will be more."
In your last paragraph, you reiterate your poem by referring back to the earth and the clouds. A lot of beginner writers hardly give examples of things that they have just written about, and might I say it is somewhat of a break and relief to see you use it. In my opinion it adds depth and character to a piece of writing when you use repetition.
Overall your poem was a nicer one. It had soft and nice imagery and a nice message at the end. Keep up the good work.
Okay, first thing is first, I can't believe no one has reviewed this yet. It is a simply beautiful three stanza poem. The only negative things that I have to say about it is how all your lines begin with a capital even though the line before ended with a comma. It should follow from the comma to the next line with a lower case. In my opinion, it just looks more professional. And your title should always be capitalized.
I really enjoyed how you talk about how everything and everyone will be replaced. It is absolutely true and not seen very often someone wording it like this, it is refreshing to see. I think the third stanza, last line, would have to be my favorite though. Only because you talk about how everything will be replaced, but you won't be. You are you and there is no one out there that is exactly like you. Through a four word line, you spoke a dozen different things.
I really enjoyed this, and I hope to see more from you!