I found this poem in one of my pieces - 'An Autobiography' (I had written that a very long time ago just to vent my feelings out.) I found it awesome and the best part was that I had forgotten all about it and while reading it seemed that I was reading it for the first time. So here's the poem-
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Hope
By Lord Svatantra
If life turns gloomy, sad and dark;
just keep hope to light the spark.
For one day that spark will turn into a fire;
your life will change according to your desire.
Your world will be drowned in a flood of light,
And at last you'll live, for that's your right.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there!
I think the best part of this poem of yours is definately down to the lovely control of punctuation and choice of language. The punctuation makes it flow well and there's fluency and pace, which I put down to your use of the semi-colon. How I love that ";". Anyway! Like the others have pointed out in that second line:
Just tidy that up
As for the rhyming? Well, I actually thought it worked perfectly here! There's not really a jump or clash in what you're illustrating from line to line and the rhyme just gives it that extra bit of natural pace and -- because it's so well punctuated -- it simply makes it better and more comfortable to read. So I really liked this!
Keep writing, and I hope this helped.
Ben
Hey spike71294, im CaptianRandom,
I loved this poem, it is filled with description, and depth of love and of cores hope, i didn't mind the length of the poem and it was good because it didn't need spaces between the writing, all in all i loved it, keep up the good work and i hope to read more of your poems.
-CaptianRandom
Hey spike71294!
I didn't mind this poem but I felt that it was lacking something. I can't quite put my finger on it so sorry that I couldn't be of any more help. Besides that, I liked the rhyming of each line, that I felt made it flow. Even though it's a bit short for my liking, I worked really well with what you wrote. Excellent work!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
quite a amazing poem best short work Ive read in a while as well.
Hope is something that should be held on to cause' in the end its all we have left.
Ive even written a Dawn Report on it!
Great post!
-Dawn
Hello.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't get all that much out of this. Yes, it's a good message, but I've heard the same imagery over again with the same result. I read it once, click away, and promptly forget the whole thing.
I find your rhyme is hurting the overall poem here, because it's just so limiting. It's hard to come up with something original that rhymes because of how much you have to stretch your brain to come up with ways of either using simple rhymes in a new way, or using metaphors in such a way that the rhyme just flows.
I can't really comment on much of anything other than the fact I was bored with the poem. Despite the fact it's short, I felt I could finish the remaining lines half-way through the poem. There was just nothing here to really hold my interest.
Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions/comments.
~Rosey
I don`t care what anyone says, about this poem being cliched, I like it. Good rhythm.
Hello Spike! Here as requested.
You're missing either a piece of punctuation, an "and", or a "to" after the word hope.
Not much to go with here, eh? For a small, concise rhyming poem, this is okay. Your rhythm is pretty good and you're staying consistent with the "fire and light symbolize hope against the darkness of despair" theme, but the problem is that there's nothing new about this idea. Hope has been compared to light for as long as poetry has existed, and gloom as been compared to darkness for just as long. It's possible to take a clichéd idea and turn it into something fabulous, but that takes some time and dedication, which I'm not sure you're willing to devote to this if you've let it sit for a "very long time". First you have to come up with unique, new imagery; show us a side of this analogy that we've never seen before. Then you expand on the idea and explore different aspects of the metaphor, figure out similes and figurative language and use all those lovely poetic devices to make your language poetic and vivid-- and you'd have to fit that all within the rhyme constrictions. And that's a lot of work for a theme that's going to be difficult to make original.
I suggest that you leave this as it is: a quirky little stanza, not too deep, not too explored. That's okay. Devote your time and effort into an idea that you can really flesh out, something more unique and something that you can take further. I'm not saying to scrap this and throw it away-- it's not at all bad, by any definition, there's just not much potential in this theme.
Best of luck, PM me for anything, and keep writing!
~Evi
DUDE. WOW.
Haha, I think you've probably summed up hope in a great little stanza. I mean. Yeah.
Alright, I think you did a great job! My couple of nitpicks are there for you, and I hope I helped! Happy writing!
Love,
Fixed