Published September 27, 2011
Bullshit
1.
I hold her hand as she talks about him,
She tells me how he made love to her.
I sniff her hair, but I smell his sweat;
Even her scent proclaims that she's owned by him.
We kiss and she caresses my cheek,
I know she misses his hard stubble.
She likes it rough.
She promises me that she has forgotten him,
But then, when I take her in my arms,
She asks me if he'll come back to her.
And then, in a soft, low whisper, I say
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
2.
He is with his new girl, his hand on her waist.
He smiles -- proud at his achievement.
He has to realise that he's just another man-whore.
He shows her off like a stolen diamond ring,
He should know that he's just her trophy prostitute.
He asks me if I think if he's popular,
And then, in a voice firm and harsh, I say
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
3.
I find him sitting amidst a crowd,
He says that he feels lonely.
He will have to take of his red blindfold.
He shows the way to those who come to him;
It's time that he follows the path that he knows is his.
The scarlet wounds on his feet bleed,
He should stop sprinting when he needs to walk.
His pencil lays broken on the table,
He asks me if he's a bad writer
And then, in a loud, ferocious roar, I say
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
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140,633 Literary Works • 673,570 Reviews
The first stanza was definitely the best. You captured the emotion wonderfully, perhaps because it was so raw, and a more nerve twanging subject.
I love this:
Even her scent proclaims that she's owned by him.
We kiss and she caresses my cheek,
I know she misses his hard stubble.
She likes it rough.
Beautiful. She doesn't need to say a word and yet you can smell the betrayal. I enjoy 'his hard stubble' also, for some reason, perhaps it's the alliteration?
Anyway, fun poem. Read and write as much as you can
Spike, sir.
Rate this 18+
appears three times, consider these strikes. (well one is enough, if you read the posting guidelines here You will find this isn't 16+)
Anyway as for the poem, I won't do a full critique. I wasn't particularly enamoured. I would say the title is fitting, but I won't be so callous. Because you write well, but I feel you let yourself down here.
Hi there!
Keep writing!
This is a really good poem. Sure, it may not be serious like the other poems I've read, but it's still a good one. You did a good job getting your point across. I'm not sure if each stanza was meant to be a different story, but I like how it's broken up like that.It helps the reader really focus in on what's being said.
Overall this is a funny poem. I was laughing by the end!
Hahaha. I can't stop laughing! The title speaks the the story itself! Hahahaha. Nice one! I'm no good in reviewing but I can relate to this and I cant stop laughing! Hahahaha