CHAPTER TWO
She looked so beautiful at that moment; lying in bed, completely at peace, yet she still had a crease in between her eyebrows. I don’t quite know how long I stared at her, when I saw her eyelashes begin to flutter. Perched on the windowsill, I eyed her from a distance as she opened her eyes, then suddenly closed them. I looked at her struggle for a moment as she realized her wrists were strapped down and covered in bandages. I watched as her lips began to move.
“Why the hell is it so bright in here?” she mumbled. I’m shocked that she didn’t mention anything about her wrists.
“Oh, shit. Sorry ‘bout that.” I quickly slipped off the ledge and let down the blinds, so the room was dark. I wondered if she’d recognize me once she opened her eyes again, though wasn’t quite sure if I wanted her to. Would she care? Would she freak out like all of the other girls? Does she even like my music? I figured there was only one way to find out.
“Thank you,” she said. I moved toward her bed, looking her straight in the eyes. Oddly enough, she stared back, straight-faced, no shock surfacing. I decided to play it cool.
“So how are you feeling?”
“Better than I have in a while, I suppose. How are you?” It was funny, just yesterday she was on her deathbed, and she asked me how I am. To be honest, I found it refreshing and kind of adorable.
“I’m a little shaken, to be completely honest.”
“Why is that?” Her pupils grew as she said it. I just looked at her, staring at her innocent blue eyes, somewhat disheveled dirty-blonde hair, and wondered if this girl was the one I saw yesterday. I wanted to tread lightly, but I couldn’t be anything but honest to her once I looked in her eyes.
“To be honest, it’s not every day I walk into what I did yesterday.”
“Oh, what happened?” she asked.
“Wait, you mean you don’t remember?” I said incredulously.
“Yesterday?”
“Yes.” I huffed.
“Well, I know what happened to me yesterday, but what happened to you?”
What the hell was going on? I felt the anger rising up from my chest and into my throat. My hands began to tremble and suddenly it all just began pouring out.
“What happened to me? Are you serious? I walked into the bathroom of my hotel to find a girl lying in a pool of her own blood. That’s what happened.” I snapped
“Oh, i-“
“No, I’m not finished. She slit her wrists, deep, vertically- almost like she wanted them to be deadly. I mean, why would she choose a public place to do that? What’s wrong with her?” The words echoed off the pale hospital walls as I spoke. I heard her try to interject, but I cut her off. I felt the guilt start to sink in as I spoke, but I kept going. “Why would she want to die? This beautiful girl, lying in a pool of scarlett , telling me she’s ‘fine.’ That’s bullshit!”
I couldn’t believe I just said that. I felt like such an asshole. I was just about to apologize when she cut me off.
“You’re Andrew McCallan.” That was it, that’s all she said. I couldn’t help it, I chuckled a bit. I felt the relief of her not becoming upset at what I said.
“Yes, yes I am.”
“Your music sucks,” she said, eyebrows raised, a slight smirk appearing on her face. I could tell she was holding back a laugh.
At that moment, I felt myself falling completely in love with her.
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Oh my gosh, I love this girl. I don't know what you're doing with this character, but I am absolutely in love with her. On that point, SLOW DOWN!!! I love her so much, I want her to keep talking. I want more dialogue so I can hear more of her interesting voice. You have such a great story line that you want to pulse it out all at once. But we, the readers, want to hear so much more. Also, the intention of this scene needs to be clearer. Why doesn't she care that she was tied down? Why does she know him? I thought from the other chapter that she didn't. Other than that, I have become totally invested in this story and I am going to see it through to the end. Tell me when you've written more. I can't wait! Happy Writing!
Okay, two things, first off SLOW DOWN and add details. You have good ideas but the way you write them is a little irritating. I mean here you have this brilliant for a romance but at the pace you are writing it's hard to savor the work and really get into it. I read the first Chapter and was hooked ans still am, but I still wish you would slow down and add more details to your work. Otherwise I love the characters, they are so interesting and likable and I can't help but wonder about the girl who cut herself. Thanks for writing and good luck, i hope to read more soon!
Helloello Sarah! Nice profile pic!
So, I decided to read this chapter. Is there a previous chapter up on YWS? I'd like to see it please, so send me a link if it's here.
As a standalone.
It's interesting. I like the conversation between them. Your descriptions seems pretty good - kind of like just the right amount to keep the reader interested and reading. Good job!
It's a bit short, but it does get the message across about these 2 characters. I find the narrator a bit creepy. It started reminding me a bit of creepy vampire-ish like, and I'm glad it didn't head down that route.
I didn't quite like the last line. It seemed a little unnatural. I mean, this whole scene is odd, but I did like it. The last line kind of threw me off. In the sense that, as a reader, I figured that this is where we're heading but when you put that last line it seems like what?how?why?so soonly? So, I would like some background detail on this.
I would like to read more. Hit me up on PM or something.
Keep writing!
Cheers!