Young Writers Society

Hi there Soundofmind. This is Kays here dropping in for a review while I have a bit of extra free time during class. I thought I’d stop by since I saved two links that both happen to be your poems and since this is the first one I clicked on in the document I’m writing this in, I may as well give this one a review! That being said, in spirit of Review Week, let’s delve right in, shall we?

I have to say that the first stanza starts out quite strong with the imagery being beautiful with the description of the sunset although these types of descriptions can become old in poetry. The sunset isn’t an image that’s quite there to becoming a cliche in poetry but it’s probably getting there. Nonetheless, despite sunsets being a little boring in concept the stanza stays interesting with the imagery and for the rest of the poem that’s what I feel for the most part. The use of similar structures throughout the first three stanzas is an aspect of the piece that I found interesting--this benefits the poem in keeping the structure neatened out even though there’s a lack of punctuation here.

I wanted to point out that in the third stanza ‘privilege’ is a word spelled wrong and instead spelled ‘privelige’ which can be an easy mistake to make at times. As for flaws, there are unnecessary words that can be cut from the poem for a better flow especially since there’s no punctuation to dictate the flow so both diction (also known as wording) and structure are the two main aspects to focus on for making the flow work. In the first line of the first stanza we begin the piece on the word ‘sunset’ which is rather odd and I’m going to suggest reworking the opening. More logical sense is made starting from the second line and that’s why I’m going to suggest playing around with the line structure of this stanza.

Furthermore, I wanted to talk about the third stanza as well because the second doesn’t have a lot of issues with the flow that can be pointed out and works out fine. The third however can use reworking because the transitioning between the first and second line as well as the second and third line are on the weaker side although I do have to say that I hope the last two lines or the ideas of the last two lines in each stanza are kept because those are generally strong. Overall, I found this to be quite nice and strong in imagery but this can be even stronger with editing and revisions made as always to hit the nail on the head even more.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

this is a review
not bad actually.when I was reciting, I felt lovely but missing
something.what I was feeling is, more sweetness and juice in your words..And I know you can create better than this...at least you should try and I believe , if you try a little bit more, you will be best. plzz keep writing.Best luck my dear friend..and waiting for your magical touches....

Hi! Flying here for a quick review! I want to start out by saying that I've read some of you works with an old account and listened to your new rap. I absolutely love your works and you're extremely talented.

Anyway, to the review! It's been a while since I last wrote a review, so I hope I can make this one helpful. The first thing that I liked about the poem was how descriptive the poem was. You tied the beauty of a sunset into the story you tell. The word choice and the imagery was soothing and calming in a way. All of your figurative language really puts the reader into a new perspective of the words you write.

As for critiques, I really don't have many. I suppose that might not be good because the whole point of reviews are really to help the writer edit and better their work, but this is a hard one. The most obvious critiques would be grammar, but yours seems to be pretty flawless when dealing with any of that. Anyway, my apologies on that. It's seems to be incredibly difficult to suggest any changes, and I've read through your poem many times to find something to suggest!

In the end, this was a lovely poem, and I really enjoyed it. Totally worth the read!

Have a great day!
Forever Flying

Hello Sound! I have read many of your works, and I am happy to provide some feedback for this one. The first thing I noticed that was odd was the difference in time. In the very first line, you use the word "filled" which indicates that this happened in the past, but in the second line (and in the rest of the poem) you use words like "swells", which shows that you're in the present. I am not sure if this was intentional, but I found it vaguely confusing as there is no transition from past/present, and it left me wondering if it was meant to be that way at all.

The second thing I noticed was the imagery. I found it very nice, as I could relate it to the times where I've seen a sunset. The wording could use some work, however, as in some areas it seemed a bit elementary. By using more specific words and expanding the vocabulary used, it could make the piece even more exquisite than it already is! For instance, instead of using simple words like red, orange, and pink, why not change it up a bit? Use words like scarlet, golden, etc. I actually have a source for colors if needed, so here's the link: http://ingridsundberg.com/2014/02/04/th ... thesaurus/
For other words, I'd recommend using any type of thesaurus- they come in handy and I use them often in my own works.

Lastly, I'd like to compliment you on the topic. The metaphor you've used is really beautiful, and I enjoyed reading this poem (as I've enjoyed many others of yours). I hope my critiques help!

Hello! I just wanted to say that I am in love with your works, specifically your word choices. You always manage to describe things so elegantly, it feels like you could reach out and touch it.

For this poem specifically, I loved how you described the narrator as this person who frames beauty, but isn't quite beautiful them self, like they see themselves more as a prop than anything else. I also really liked your usage of the sky and the earth. They are constantly seen as opposites, to each other, but you used them as complements.

Lovely, lovely poem!
-Alice