Dude, this is so cool! why am I seeing this only now! </3 This is amazing, you're amazing! <3
A/N: If you can, please listen to the song alongside as you read. It is recorded, played, and sung by me. Link to the song here.
You never told me
How you felt after the war
Never said goodbye
To the corpse of your life
You left before
Tell me was it easy
Moving forward
When you knew
That all you left behind
Would be better in time
If you’d just waited
In line
I told you it gets easier
If you forget who you were
We’re always changing
Into something different
Than we were before
Tell me is it easy
Moving forward
When you know
That where you tried to go
To escape, it follows
And you can’t
Let go
You can't let go
Tell me
Are you lying best friend
When you tell me
You’re fine
I read between the lines
I know the signs
I know the signs (x3)
You can't let go
Because you know
The people you’d love to leave
Would love to see you again
Best friend
Do you know, do you know
I can see
The turmoil in your eyes
I can see
You’re nearly hypnotized
By the dream
Of finding somewhere new
Where you can be
Someone else entirely
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
But you’re scared and grossly unprepared
Tell me
Are you lying best friend
When you tell me
You’re fine
I read between the lines
I know the signs
I’ll help you pick up your life
And move away from all that drains you
I’ll help you pick up your life
And move away today if that helps you
Dude, this is so cool! why am I seeing this only now! </3 This is amazing, you're amazing! <3
As a hobbyist songwriter myself, I was intrigued, and this is genuinely one of the best amateur-written pieces I've heard. I am by no means a professional or even professionally-taught, and there's no need to take what I say as gospel. Songwriting is one of the few art forms where I'd say that the writer's view may be so entirely misrepresented by critique that they can simply ignore it.
I enjoy the simplicity of your lyricism, even though each line is packed with deep meaning. It's an interesting skill - to say heavy things in a conversational tone. It's worked for many songwriters in these types of alternative genres, and I think it's a great place for your lyricism to be in.
Listening to the song, it did feel like there was too much build-up for a chorus that is so mellow. There's nothing wrong with mellow choruses, of course, but there's always the question of whether it achieves what it's expected to achieve in the listener's ear. Try to give it an honest listen and see if there's anything missing.
You can't let go
Because you know
The people you’d love to leave
Would love to see you again
Best friend
Do you know, do you know
I can see
The turmoil in your eyes
I cans ee
You’re nearly hypnotized
By the dream
Of finding somewhere new
Where you can be
Someone else entirely
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
You don’t want to leave (not really)
But you’re scared and grossly unprepared
I listened to the soundtrack while reading these lyrics and i must say that everything is very good. your voice, the tune to it. It is a very good song to listen to. I also like your way with words, it is truly inspiring and I would love for this song to be the base of my book in a chapter that i will be writing at some point in the future.
Ok. I enjoyed this (I have not listened to the soundtrack)
I do have to say, however, Your rhyme pattern seems broken. The verses show thier message fine but the rhymes mess it up for me. Overall your grammer and spelling is decent, however I saw in "paragraph " 4 line 9 you wrote I cans ee instead of can see.
Overall well done.
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