Super interesting!!!
z
Chapter Six Part 2: What Happens After
The next two and a half weeks were bliss.
That wasn't to say her leg still didn't hurt if she put too much pressure on it or tried to run too hard a lot of the time, but Laura had been taking good care of her and Matt, along with Kaleb. It was the fastest recovery time she could ever hope for or even remember in her experience with wounds (which was a lot, since fighting monsters was her job), and she was surprised to find that, after two weeks, she felt like she was almost at full strength again.
After two weeks of hobbling around the house and helping Laura with smaller household chores, Clandestine was finally able to abandon the crutches and walk around the farm. She walked across the living room with hesitation, before stopping at the front window, looking outside.
It was a warm, dry day; the kind that was best spent in the shade, or just not in the desert. But outside she could see Matt digging - filling holes with dirt beside Kaleb in the distance. They'd been doing that for the past few days after they'd gotten everything they could from the goblin's underground camp that had been stolen from the farm. Matt had been eager to get to work and out of the house, so she hadn't seen as much of him in the past few days since he'd been keeping himself busy outside. It had felt... a little lonely. She'd, of course, grown very fond of Laura in their time spent there, but once she was able to walk around on her feet without any struggle, everything within her wanted to be out there with them.
She heard Laura walk up beside her.
"You can go join them, you know," Laura said with a small grin, putting a hand on Clandestine's back.
Clandestine looked over at Laura with here eyebrows drawn together. Not because what Laura said was wrong or anything, but because she didn't really know how to respond. Laura was right. She could just go out there and say hello, and ask if she could help. But something was holding her back, and that something wasn't her leg.
After a considerable pause, Laura spoke up again. "Is something wrong?"
Clandestine looked over to Laura, opening her mouth to say something but no words came out. She didn't really have words to describe it. Ever since she'd talked to Matt about her magic, she felt different. Ever since she'd woken up, the only human person who knew about her magic was the first cowboy she met, and he'd always told her to hide it and pretend she didn't have it. But Matt was... accepting? She didn't think people like him existed. People who were okay with keeping her secret, even though they didn't have magic themselves. And he didn't have magic - did he? Would he tell her if he did? She felt like he would've. He seemed like the kind of person who would tell her that to make her feel better about her own magic if he did have any.
It was nice, though, having somebody know who didn't mind and wasn't freaked out by it. She wondered if he knew other mages, and that's why he was fine with it. She had so many more questions she wanted to pummel him with, but after that first day, they hardly had a moment alone together to talk magic without the Saints hearing. Kaleb and Laura - Laura especially - hovered over them to check on their recovery stages constantly, and they were otherwise doing things that were useful or just talking with their kind hosts. Of course, she loved the company, and Laura and Kaleb really did live up to their last name, but it made it difficult to talk about... illegal things.
Clandestine smiled awkwardly and scratched the back of her neck, brushing away her thick black hair that went a little past her shoulders. "Not really I just uh, well, I think I've gotten so used to being indoors that the outdoors looks a little intimidating. Haha!"
Laura laughed, looking out the window alongside her. "Well, it is a bit hot out. It might be good to put your hair up." She pulled something out of her pocket and held it up for Clandestine to see. It was a ribbon. A yellow ribbon that kind of matched the dusty yellow bandana she wore around her neck.
"Figured you might be needing a new one," Laura said with a little smile. "Mind if I...?" she pointed to the back of Clandestine's head, and Clandestine pulled her hand away.
"Oh! Uh, you mean, put it up and all?" she laughed, leaning down uncomfortably so she was more easily in Laura's reach. Laura pointed to a rocking chair that sat just a few feet from her.
"You could just sit down," she chuckled.
"Oh, yeah, right," Clandestine said with a nod, taking a seat in the chair as she looked around on either side, not sure which side Laura was coming from. Her turning her head back and forth like a bird only made Laura laugh more as she came up on the side and slipped the ribbon under her hair.
"I'll just tie it up in a nice bow," she said with a smile.
Clandestine started to nod, but Laura put a hand on her head. Oh, right. Stay still.
It only took a few seconds for Laura to get all of Clandestine's stray hairs apart from her bangs, and as she tied it up high Clandestine smiled. It always felt better to have her hair up and out of the way. She couldn't see the little bow Laura was talking about, but she took her word for it when Laura said it looked nice.
"Thanks," she said as she looked to the floor, still with her smile.
"Of course, dear," Laura replied, patting Clandestine on the shoulder. "Have fun filling holes in the big scary outdoors."
Clandestine laughed. "For sure."
--
Clandestine wiped the sweat off her forehead, trying to get her bangs to stop sticking to her skin. It was midday when they came inside to cool down, and the sun was beating down at its hottest. They'd finally finished filling the last, biggest hole that had been their escape route coming up. It took a painfully long time, but with three people working on it with shovels verses just one or two, it went loads faster. "Loads faster" being that it took all morning, but at the very least, it was done, and the Saint's farm was officially on its way to being restored.
Clandestine plopped down into the rocking chair while Matt went for the couch. Kaleb didn't make his usual bee-line for the other side of the sofa as expected, and instead went into the next room in the kitchen as he fanned his face with his hat.
Clandestine looked over to Matt curiously, but Matt was staring at the ceiling, still looking a little red from being in the heat for so long. It was a good thing he found his hat again, otherwise, he'd probably look even worse off. He wasn't as dark as she was.
She didn't have to wonder for long what Kaleb was up to though. In a few short seconds, Kaleb and Laura came out into the living room together, Laura with a sack of coins in each hand.
"We don't have much, but we do want to pay you for all of your help with the worms and the goblins. I don't think we would've even known what to do if you hadn't come. I've never spoken to a goblin before," Laura began as she walked up to Matt and then Clandestine, handing them the money. Matt seemed to take it with nothing but a smile and a thankful nod, but Clandestine felt conflicted when the pouch was set into her hands.
"But we don’t even know for sure if they’ll come back!" she retorted, trying to hand the pouch back. "They might be mad! Goblins take damaged honor really seriously. I don't want you guys to get hurt!”
Laura pulled back so Clandestine couldn't shove the money back into her hands, smiling. "If they come back, we can always call for help again. This is our farm. It's the one piece of land that's in our name, so we aren't going anywhere."
"'Sides, we want to pay you anyway. Monster huntin' ain't easy," Kaleb added.
"Yeah," Laura agreed.
Clandestine looked down at the money in her hands with something of a frown. She didn't feel like she really did her job. She wasn't really sure what she did, but she didn't kill any monsters. She just scared them off for the time being. Maybe.
"We wouldn't have anywhere else to go anyhow," Kaleb went on. "We ain't old enough yet to go on over to our son's farm! We're still healthy and strong," he said with a little laugh, lifting up an arm as if he was flexing. He walked up beside Laura and put the same arm around her waist, and she leaned into him.
"We got married on this farm, we raised our sons on this farm, and we're gonna stay here s'long as we can. If the goblins come back, eh, maybe we'll reconsider, right?" He asked, looking down at his wife.
"Maybe," she grinned. "If it comes to that."
"Yeah," Kaleb said with a smile.
Clandestine watched them, refraining from 'aww'-ing at their cute display of affection. She couldn't help but feel a little worried about their future, but she also didn't want to overstay their welcome - but that meant she would have to say goodbye. That meant that their time together was over, just when she was starting to get really fond of the Saints. She forced a weak smile up at the old couple.
"Well, thank you guys... for everything as well. I mean, not just for the money. You guys did more than enough in caring for us. I'm - I'm really thankful. You're good folks," she said, stopping to look down, trying to hide her sadness.
"You really are," Matt echoed, causing the couch to creak slightly as he got up. "It's rare to find folk like you, and for that, I'm truly grateful as well. I wish you the best," he said with a tip of his hat. "So with tha-"
"Wait, wait!" Clandestine interrupted, staring at Matt with wide-eyed confusion. What was he saying? Why was he getting up and looking at the door? "You're leaving now?"
Matt stared back at Clandestine with a blank expression and blinked twice.
"Uh..." He put his pouch of money in his pocket. "Yeah?"
"Oh..."
Clandestine's eyes fell down to the floor, knowing that her sadness and disappointment was written all over her face. Matt was leaving? Why was he leaving? Was it because of her magic? Did he not want to be associated with her for very long? There was a pause, and silence fell between the four of them as Clandestine fumbled around her thoughts for an answer. For something to say so Matt wouldn't leave. She didn't know if she could bear to leave all three of them so suddenly and be completely alone again, apart from Billy. She almost forgot Kaleb and Laura were there, but their feet remained in her peripheral.
She started slowly. Awkwardly.
"Uhh, I know that, like, this monster hunting job didn't really go as planned. But, you make a good partner. So I mean, I know it's really uh, forward, but I want to keep working with you."
She looked up at him. He was just staring at her blankly still. She could feel herself start to sweat again - this time in her armpits, but it wasn't because of the heat. She cleared her throat.
"Like, I want you to join me on more monster hunting ventures. You don't make a lot doing it a lot of the time of course, but it's a lot of fun in the uh, 'Wow, I survived that too,' sort of way."
Matt, formerly blank-faced, looked over at Kaleb and Laura for a second. He turned back to Clandestine with a smile, laughing away the tension. Clandestine found herself grinning back.
"Sorry uh, I just didn't think you'd want me to stick around since I got hurt so much. But I mean, I guess it's definitely more exciting than the ranchin' life, so I don't see why not. If you think we make a good team, I wouldn't mind stickin' around."
Clandestine's grin turned into a full smile spreading across her face. "Yes! We do! You're right! Don't worry about getting hurt, I'll teach you all there is to know about monster hunting! You'll become an expert in no time! You're good at fighting people, and I'm good at fighting monsters! We can teach each other! And become masters!" she said, finding herself becoming more and more excited with each word that left her mouth. Matt was smiling back and looked equally happy about staying with her as he nodded, laughing a little.
Kaleb and Laura, who had been quiet observers of the now resolved conversation politely smiled along with them.
"Well, hopefully, your further ventures don't leave you so beat up like this one did," Laura said. "I was going to send you off with a small kit of first aid supplies anyway, just in case you get into any more trouble. I can go put that together before you two get set off." She kissed Kaleb quickly on the cheek before she pulled away to do just that. Kaleb turned to Clandestine.
"Need help packin' anything?" he asked.
"Well, we both don't have much combined, but we could use help saddlin' up Billy and Elliott!" Clandestine said as she hopped up out of her seat, feeling much lighter and energized at the hope of having a friend to keep traveling with.
"Alright," Kaleb said with a smile. "I'd love to say hello to 'em again. They're real sweet steeds. Ain't easily spooked neither."
Clandestine nodded as she turned to the front door to head towards the barn where their horses had been hanging out most of the time, staying out of the blazing sun. "Yeah, well, Billy's seen lots of things. Many monsters! He's a real trusty horse."
Kaleb and Clandestine shared more smiles, stepping out onto the porch with Matt following behind. Clandestine had to exercise all of her self-control to keep from seeming more over-excited than she was. But it wasn't just excitement that filled her chest. It was relief.
When she'd come to the desert, she expected to leave it alone. She hadn't really expected to leave the desert at all, really. But this gave her something to look forward to. She hadn't known that she'd find anyone or anything that would give her a reason - even if it was a small, simple one - to... well...
She looked over at Matt as Kaleb started to go on about his own horses. Matt was listening to Kaleb with a little grin. And for the first time in quite a long time, she could say she was really looking forward to something: traveling with a friend.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And I am back. Hopefully about fourteen more reviews will be heading your way today.
First Impression: It appears the actual might get underway soon which is always very exciting. And you've portrayed the Saints really well. It is sad to see that we might not run into them again. Or will we? And Clandestine's insecurity about her magic is always very realistically portrayed there so great job.
It was the fastest recovery time she could ever hope for or even remember in her experience with wounds (which was a lot, since fighting monsters was her job), and she was surprised to find that, after two weeks, she felt like she was almost at full strength again.
Clandestine looked over at Laura with here eyebrows drawn together. Not because what Laura said was wrong or anything, but because she didn't really know how to respond. Laura was right. She could just go out there and say hello, and ask if she could help. But something was holding her back, and that something wasn't her leg.
Ever since she'd woken up, the only human person who knew about her magic was the first cowboy she met, and he'd always told her to hide it and pretend she didn't have it.
Clandestine smiled awkwardly and scratched the back of her neck, brushing away her thick black hair that went a little past her shoulders. "Not really I just uh, well, I think I've gotten so used to being indoors that the outdoors looks a little intimidating. Haha!"
"Oh, yeah, right," Clandestine said with a nod, taking a seat in the chair as she looked around on either side, not sure which side Laura was coming from. Her turning her head back and forth like a bird only made Laura laugh more as she came up on the side and slipped the ribbon under her hair.
"I'll just tie it up in a nice bow," she said with a smile.
Clandestine started to nod, but Laura put a hand on her head. Oh, right. Stay still.
It only took a few seconds for Laura to get all of Clandestine's stray hairs apart from her bangs, and as she tied it up high Clandestine smiled. It always felt better to have her hair up and out of the way. She couldn't see the little bow Laura was talking about, but she took her word for it when Laura said it looked nice.
"But we don’t even know for sure if they’ll come back!" she retorted, trying to hand the pouch back. "They might be mad! Goblins take damaged honor really seriously. I don't want you guys to get hurt!”
"Wait, wait!" Clandestine interrupted, staring at Matt with wide-eyed confusion. What was he saying? Why was he getting up and looking at the door? "You're leaving now?"
"Sorry uh, I just didn't think you'd want me to stick around since I got hurt so much. But I mean, I guess it's definitely more exciting than the ranchin' life, so I don't see why not. If you think we make a good team, I wouldn't mind stickin' around."
Clandestine nodded as she turned to the front door to head towards the barn where their horses had been hanging out most of the time, staying out of the blazing sun. "Yeah, well, Billy's seen lots of things. Many monsters! He's a real trusty horse."
She looked over at Matt as Kaleb started to go on about his own horses. Matt was listening to Kaleb with a little grin. And for the first time in quite a long time, she could say she was really looking forward to something: traveling with a friend.
Hello again!
The next two and a half weeks were bliss.
Ever since she'd talked to Matt about her magic, she felt different. Ever since she'd woken up, the only human person who knew about her magic was the first cowboy she met, and he'd always told her to hide it and pretend she didn't have it. But Matt was... accepting? She didn't think people like him existed. People who were okay with keeping her secret, even though they didn't have magic themselves. And he didn't have magic - did he? Would he tell her if he did? She felt like he would've. He seemed like the kind of person who would tell her that to make her feel better about her own magic if he did have any.
She wondered if he knew other mages, and that's why he was fine with it.
Matt seemed to take it with nothing but a smile and a thankful nod, but Clandestine felt conflicted when the pouch was set into her hands.
"You really are," Matt echoed, causing the couch to creak slightly as he got up. "It's rare to find folk like you, and for that, I'm truly grateful as well. I wish you the best," he said with a tip of his hat. "So with tha-"
Why was he leaving? Was it because of her magic? Did he not want to be associated with her for very long?
Matt, formerly blank-faced, looked over at Kaleb and Laura for a second. He turned back to Clandestine with a smile, laughing away the tension. Clandestine found herself grinning back.
"Sorry uh, I just didn't think you'd want me to stick around since I got hurt so much. But I mean, I guess it's definitely more exciting than the ranchin' life, so I don't see why not. If you think we make a good team, I wouldn't mind stickin' around."
And for the first time in quite a long time, she could say she was really looking forward to something: traveling with a friend.
Okay I slept and now I’m back and pumped to read more! Let’s jump right in!
So, I’m super excited to read more from Clandestine’s perspective here, because I wonder how she’ll respond to Matt and his proclamation from last chapter part. I’m not sure I even believe Matt, so why should Clandestine? I know she wants to but actually being able to is a different thing altogether. And not only did he find out about her powers, he also knows a lot of her past, and it’s not an entirely common past. I’m sure some part of her, even if she doesn’t want it to be, is hesitant with everything she told Matt two weeks ago.
I like how you write Clandestine’s thoughts about Matt’s acceptance. She doesn’t even think ill of it, although she does believe it’s strange. She spends a few paragraphs trying to explain it, but I hope that there’s some part of her deep inside that believes there’s something wrong with this. She’s really too trusting to think that, but even the most trusting people I know have that cynic inside of them. And in her line of work, I’m sure she’s encountered some not nice people. While I don’t believe this is a trap, I also DON’T WANT IT TO BE A TRAP CLANDESTINE SAVE U SELF.
Wow, I’m with Clandestine on not expecting Matt to leave, but I guess it makes sense lol, he only joined her on that one mission. Although, now that I think about it, why did he join her at all? Was he trying to run away, or perhaps I just forgot was happened in the first chapter or so lol. I honestly didn’t expect him to leave, so I’m confused. Maybe he was just putting up the show of leaving because he knew Clandestine would stop him. Or perhaps he was actually trying to leave but couldn’t because he would have made a scene?
AWW THAT ENDING but I totally think Clandestine is falling for Matt. I just think that’s going to not end well unless she’s totally cool with him keeping his actual identity from her. Knowing her, she probably would be but STILL.
Can’t wait to read more!
Hi! Lelu checking in for the first time in a long time for September Review Month! Viva la Nachos! Now, I have not read the other chapters of this book, but the basic premise seems pretty clear to me. Monster hunters, the girl (Clandestine, love her name, by the way) woke up, probably with amnesia, and has magic, it's the Old West and they're traveling and having adventures. I can't tell if this is the happy ending or the exciting beginning, because there have been a few chapters before this, so it could go either way. It's not clear if Clandestine likes Matt or not. Not sure it matters. It'll probably become clear later.
So, many good things. Cowboys. Shooting magic out of a Colt .45 or whatever. Goblins in little Stetsons and bandannas. The big picture is good. So magic is illegal? That means magic officially exists. Alternate Old West. Also cool. Are you planning on incorporating steampunk? Some of the earliest steampunk, I mean written in the 1800s, was set in the Old West. I like Clandestine's hair, and the time Laura puts it up. The Saints are nice people and believable enough.
Small errors that obscure the big picture: mostly how you word things. It seems petty to pick at word order and spelling, but they can distract people from the beautiful bigger picture. Three examples. One: She walked across the living room "with hesitation." This seemed a little awkward. "She walked across the living room, hesitated, and went to the window" might be better. Two: You don't usually put a comma before your "uh"s, but technically they should be there. Your characters say "uh" a lot, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it draws attention to it if you leave the commas out.
Three: "refraining from aww-ing at their cute display of affection." The way you phrase this sounds a little mushy, though the event itself is cute. Though saying "cute" doesn't really feel right about an older couple with grown-up kids. "Heartwarming" could work.
Again, I love the premise. Traveling gunslingers, just like the old western shows. Except with magic. Which is illegal. So, outlaws. Which is also cool. Fighting goblins that talk with a cowboy accent. Maybe cattle rustlers who are werewolves and eat the cows? Awesome. And, if I could stand the heat, which I can't, I would love to travel with Matt and Clandestine and kick some monster butt. And maybe some dystopian evil president butt. Keep going. I would watch this if it was a show.
Hi soundofmind! Niteowl here to get this out of the Green Room for Revisando Nachos this fine Review Day! Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnugen ahoy!
"A regular thing" seems like too modern/casual a phrase for fantasy to me, so it took me out of the story a little. Plus it makes me think of an old English teacher who said "things" was too vague so whenever she saw it in an essay, she'd cross it out and write "bananas". Granted this isn't an essay, but you could still replace it with a word like "occurrence".
Clandestine is an interesting name. Almost like her parents wanted her to be a spy or something.
I'm slightly confused as to why they're filling in holes. At first I thought they were hiding stolen goods, but then I reread and realized they'd gotten stuff back that had been stolen from them. So yeah, it's unclear what they're doing...digging and then filling in the holes they dug? Are they hiding something else?
She'd, of course, grown very fond of Laura in their time spent there, but once she was able to walk around on her feet without any struggle, everything within her wanted to be out there with them.
"Not really I just uh, well, I think I've gotten so used to being indoors that the outdoors looks a little intimidating. Haha!"
It was a ribbon. A yellow ribbon that kind of matched the dusty yellow bandana she wore around her neck.
Clandestine watched them, refraining from 'aww'-ing at their cute display of affection.
Hey sound!! I'm back for some more <3
The past two and a half weeks were bliss.
That wasn't to say her leg still didn't still hurt
or tried to run too hard a lot of the time
Clandestine looked over at Laura with a bit of surprise. Not because what Laura said was surprising,
Would he tell her if she did?
She wondered if he knew other mages, and had so many more questions she wanted to pummel him with, but after that first day, they hardly had a moment alone together to talk magic without the Saints hearing.
Laura and Kaleb really did live up to their last name, but it made it difficult to talk about... illegal things.
I've never spoken to a goblin before,"
Many monsters! He's a real trusty horse."
When she'd come to the desert, she expected to leave it alone. She hadn't really expected to leave the desert at all, really. But this gave her something to look forward to. She hadn't known that she'd find anyone or anything that would give her a reason - even if it was a small, simple one - to... well...
So I'm guessing whatever cowboy Clandestine met was after she woke up? Not from her previous life? (But obviously not Matt). And? may have impacted her life negatively?
I guess telling her to pretend she doesn't have magic is beneficial? to her? since it's illegal?
I don't know why but I love the little scene where Laura puts Clandestine's hair up?? I'm getting motherly vibes and tbh I think Clanny needs that.
instead, like...a civilized "I've never spoken to a goblin". I think that's really neat??
I do have to wonder, it seems like Clandestine and Matt were supposed to leave then anyway- when Matt gets up to go. Why does Clandestine assume he's leaving her? I feel like? if she wasn't ready to leave yet it couldn't have been clarified? Or,, they like,, could have had the conversation? afterwards?
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