z

Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon 34

by soundofmind


Chapter 34: On The Edge of A Rescue

The Moonlight Kingdom capital sat at the top of a high hill, with a valley that dipped low between the hills around it, like a giant, natural moat. From where they stood, on an adjacent hill, looking across the dip between them, and the snow-capped trees, they could see the hints of buildings, long winding streets, all securely tucked in behind a massive stone wall surrounding the entire city.

Peeking out, through the foggy mist, were the towers of the palace, at the far edge of the city.

James hadn't been there in five years.

He wondered how much had changed.

Elliot snorted, and James patted him on the neck. The sun was going down, hiding behind the mountain range that danced around the city's back, like nature's frame. The mountains stretched for miles, and with jagged edges guided the sky's silhouette across the horizon. James had forgotten how breathtaking the view was, and even more so from the palace towers, where you could see it even closer, looking down into the deep valleys, where the snow pooled like little rivers.

Somewhere, in the depths of the palace, Clandestine was waiting.

Mel rode up beside him, adjusting the scarf around her neck so her face was showing. Her full lips stretched into a smile.

"We're almost there," she said, with awe leaking into her voice. They were both looking at the same picture.

"Tomorrow morning, we'll split up at the base of the hill. We know a spot where we can avoid the usual rounds of guards on patrol."

James nodded, his eyes drifting to the city gates. From here, they looked so small. But when standing in front of them, they towered high above the trees.

"Raj is going to create a tunnel with his earth magic," Mel explained. "So we can avoid the gates altogether."

James nodded again. They'd mentioned that. Raj had trained under Mickey, and though he wasn't a dragon, he'd done this many times before.

"You're staying back, right?" James asked.

Mel nodded. "I'm a healer. I can fight, but I'd better serve you out here, keeping watch, with the horses."

James glanced back at the others. Robin was in his wolf form, carrying Dinny on his back, climbing up a large boulder, presumably to get a better view.

When Robin had first shifted, two days ago, James was too shocked to say anything. Not because Robin was a werewolf, but because he was surprised there were any still around. Dinny had been shocked as well, but she took it pretty well, all things considered. She and Robin had warmed up to each other pretty quickly, actually.

"Robin will stay with me," Mel said. "He's good at sensing when people are coming."

She paused.

Dinny was laughing as she tumbled off of Robin's back, and he flopped on top of the boulder. Bo was standing beside the big rock, and briefly held out his hands to catch Dinny, but she didn't fall. She pulled herself back up quickly with a giggle and pointed out towards the mountains in view. Raj, in the background, was the only one actually doing anything productive, tying up the horses and starting to unpack.

James looked over at Mel, who was grinning.

They sat atop their horses in silence for a moment, looking at the distant city, and breathing in the crisp mountain air.

"How long have you been at the guild?" James asked.

Mel looked at him, seeming a little surprised that he'd talked, but she smiled.

"About twenty years, now," she said. "It's hard to believe it's been that long."

James had known the guild had been around for a while, but knowing that it had existed longer than he had been alive was still hard to swallow. Bo had explained to him that Mickey took great lengths to keep their location a secret, and have no less than a myth-like whisper of their existence spreading throughout the kingdoms. James could understand - trying to rebuild after the war against the mages, and after the calamity - it had to have taken time.

He did feel, though, that he didn't fully understand the extent of Mickey's power. Mickey was a dragon, but he wasn't all-powerful, and he wasn't immortal or immune to sickness or pain. He did live what felt like an eternal life in comparison to someone like him, but even a dragon's life had an end. That was why there were inheritors. Eventually. So he learned.

"How old were you when you were recruited?"

Mel looked up in the sky in thought. "I was 13. Raj was 10. Our parents disowned us and cast us out before mage-hunters could find us, and we were on our own. I had been hiding my magic for a few years, using my healing magic to heal scrapes and bruises Raj and my other siblings got without my parents knowing. But they found out, eventually. It was Raj, who they discovered first. And then my other siblings spilled about me, and from there, our path was pretty clear to us."

She paused, looking back at Bo, who was now climbing atop the boulder with Dinny and Robin.

"Bo found us, actually," she said, with a small smile. "It's so strange, that he really hasn't aged a day."

James followed her gaze. How old did that make Bo?

He remembered how Bo said he'd been a part of the magical experiments pre-calamity. That would make him over 100 years old, just like Clandestine.

The only difference was she'd been locked away, unconscious, for most of it.

"It's those dragon genes, am I right?" Mel joked, looking to James and winking.

James blinked. He didn't laugh, but he did breathe hard through his nose. Mel looked at him and rolled her eyes, smiling.

"Okay, it's a cheap joke, maybe, but really, once you know someone for twenty years and you notice you're aging and they still look the same, you'll begin to understand what I'm talking about."

"Oh I'm sure," James said. "Mickey still looks exactly the same from when I first saw him. It was unsettling. Don't get me wrong. He's... kind, but - it's very different."

Mel nodded in agreement. "It takes getting used to, for sure."

A bout of silence passed between, and James dismounted, hopping beside Elliot, and taking his reins. Mel followed suit, and her fur boots crunched against the half-frozen layer of snow on the ground.

James turned to lead Elliot back to camp but stopped when Mel spoke.

"How have you been doing?"

Gods, not this question again.

"Health-wise."

Oh. Well. That was a little easier to answer.

"Your healing magic has been helping a lot," he said.

He looked back at Mel, who was patting her horse on the snout. She smiled.

"That's good," she said. "No more aches and pains?"

James shifted on his feet, and looked at the ground.

"Much less than normal," he said quietly.

"Ah," Mel's tongue clicked. "Sadly, I can't take it all away. It's... harder to get rid of pains that have been around for a long time before. I'm better at the more immediate. The fresher wounds. The recent ailments. Some healers are better at different things."

James listened, and after a small pause she kept going.

"Do you know much about healing magic?" she asked.

"I think it's safe to say I only have an elementary understanding of most magic," James answered.

"Ah. Right. So, with healing magic, it's like a transference of energy. That's what helps heal a wound, or a sickness, or whatever it is, so rapidly. With other magics, you're manipulating an element that's already there, usually one that you can see. But healing magic is more of a sense and a feeling. It's kind of like you're giving a little of your life to restore a little of someone else's. Which, well, that's why we have limits. Like bringing someone back from the dead. Or, that's why we don't always heal completely right away. We stabilize someone, and then aid in the natural healing process to speed it up more than normal, but not so much that we shock someone's body too much. Because it can be a lot to take in."

James nodded slowly.

Yes. It was a lot to take in.

"A healer's limits are mostly defined by their own magical strength and stamina. We only have our own energy to draw from. It's forbidden to draw from another source. That's also why we can't heal ourselves. Drawing from another life source can drive a healer mad."

Laughter erupted from Dinny and Robin again, and Bo was quick to hush them, even though Bo himself was fighting back laughter. Mel shot them a warning look, and they quieted down.

"But! You don't have to worry about that."

She smiled and laughed a little, like she was trying to break a tension James didn't really feel was there.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I've only ever heard horror stories about it, so it's kind of scary to think about. But I've never been desperate enough to suck the life out of a plant or whatever, to use it to heal."

James tried to give her a small smile. "That's good," he said.

Dinny came running over to them, skidding in the snow as she stopped at their feet.

"Bo says it's time to make camp!" she announced, before running back over to the boulder. James wasn't going to mention how Raj was already doing that before the rest of them.

James and Mel looked at each other before following behind Dinny at a walking pace.

In just a few hours, they'd be inside the Moonlight Kingdom. Or rather, below it.


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Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:35 pm
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Carina says...



mmmm how fascinating how healing magic works

>_>




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Sun Jan 31, 2021 12:19 am
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Shady wrote a review...



SOUND IT'S TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS - YOUR NOVEL /AND/ REVIEW DAY! Let's go.

The Moonlight Kingdom capital


Capitol, 'tis an O not an A

From where they stood, on an adjacent hill, looking across the dip between them, and the snow-capped trees, they could see the hints of buildings, long winding streets, all securely tucked in behind a massive stone wall surrounding the entire city.


Sound, honey, darling, you've got SEVEN commas in this one sentence. This is such an abuse of commas and I beg, PLEAD with you, to remove some of them.

Even just rephrasing it could help with that. Like:

They stood on an adjacent hill, overlooking the snow-capped trees that lined the dip between them, peering at what they could see of the buildings and long, winding streets that were tucked in behind a massive stone wall that surrounded the entire city.

That at least gets rid of, like, four of your commas. But even that sentence feels unwieldy to me. Maybe consider breaking it up into two sentences? This sentence is just... a lot xD

Somewhere, in the depths of the palace, Clandestine was waiting.


See, this is another place where James is just too all-certain for no apparent reason? Like a while back he was like SHE IS DEAD THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE and now he's like lol jk she is definitely waiting for me in the palace just gotta get there. It'd be nice to balance out his emotions a bit so that like, yeah, she could be dead, or she could be there, but he doesn't know either way. OR ramp it up a bit so we can clearly tell he's spiraling with this a bit instead of just seeming kind of inconsistent, you know?

Her full lips stretched into a smile.


Ah, yes, because she must have left her half-lips back at the guild, sad.

"How long have you been at the guild?" James asked.


James! Muh boi! Are you actually making conversation? So proud :')

James had known the guild had been around for a while, but knowing that it had existed longer than he had been alive was still hard to swallow.


Wait, WHAT? Okay, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt that you've explained this before now since I jumped in so late, BUT WHAT? He gives such grumpy old man vibes. And has been on the run for five years. JUST HOW YOUNG WAS HE when he was getting sent on these missions???

Cause, like, 20 years right? So he's gotta be 19 or younger? So he was a child soldier basically??? Omg. This is def not the vibes I was getting. I thought he was at LEAST late 20s but he was giving such grouchy old man vibes I kind of expected thirties or forties.

Oh lordy how old does that make Carter is he a CHILD too?

"Bo says it's time to make camp!" she announced,


But... she can't speak Common??? Dinny's language is really perplexing to me.

~ ~ ~

I liked this chapter! I noticed you have a LOT more description of the settings in this chapter than any of your other chapters so far that I've read and I really liked to see it. It was nice getting a better sense of what they're looking at and orienting ourselves a bit more. It was really nice.

AND I'm getting excited at how close we're getting to sheer c h a o s. Can't wait!

~Shady

Oh and Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen and all that jazz




soundofmind says...


Oh my goodness BLESS you for catching all these little inconsistencies that my nano stressed mind didn't pick up on LOOOOOL.

And well, you're right to think James is a lot older than he is because he does have old man vibes. But child soldiers... well... >_> you're not wrong...

ALSO PLS FORGIVE MY COMMA ABUSE I WROTE HALF THESE CHAPTERS WITH NUMB BRAIN, but YES good grief yeah wow that needs fixing LOOOOOL

ALSO GLAD U LIKED THE DESCRIPTION!! ONLY TOOK ME 35 CHAPTERS TO FINALLY DESCRIBE THINGS DECENTLY HAHAHAHA



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veeren wrote a review...



HELLO SOUNDY I AM HERE AS I PROMISED i am going to start from this one cus it only has one review BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF U WANT ME TO GO BACK FARTHER AS WELL

i just want to start off by highlighting the good in the chapter:

see:

Spoiler! :
everything


and the we have the bad:
Spoiler! :
see word #649


now to put on my serious voice EHEM

first of all the (spoiler for anyone reading)
Spoiler! :
foreshadowing with the healer magic is EXCELLENT and so very unexpected.
one of the things i absolutely adore that you do is add these small details that breathe more life into the story later on.

when you mention
Robin was in his wolf form, carrying Dinny on his back

and you remember that horses alone were frightening to Dinny in the earlier chapters, you manage to give us the sense of growth within her character. it’s those small details you’ve added that make us as readers (that’s me btw i’m talking about me) more invested in the characters as whole.

one other thing that i love that you do flesh all of your characters out in order for us to distinguish between them. a lot of the time, i find in stories that characters are hard to keep track of not because of how many of them there are, but because there is hardly any way for me to tell them apart. all of your characters are presented and introduced as individuals. you give us that connection to each of them so that we have a glimpse of their personality or their appearance or even their life stories to remember them by.

the one thing i will say is that the pacing of the chapter felt like not so much an info dump, but a lot of information to take in for a short time. we are kind of rushed through the idea of robin turning into a werewolf when just a few chapters ago it seemed like it was leading up to a big reveal, as well as all of the information on healing magic (spoilers)
Spoiler! :
that we can only assume is being said because it is going to be important later.


other than that i have nothing but good words for this chapter and for you. I HOPE YOU FOUND THIS HELPFUL OR MOTIVATIONAL ENOUGH TO WRITE MORE FASTER

ok veer out c u in the next chapter




soundofmind says...


THANK YOU VEER!! Yes, I agree the thing w/Robin and werewolf mention was rushed on my part (I don't think I did that part very well - was I stressed trying to fit it all in w/out detracting from the main plot? maybe, yes). AND IM GLAD you appreciated and spotted the foreshadowing!! :D YES THAT WAS INTENTIONAL BLESS



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Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:49 am
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SilverNight wrote a review...



What a fun chapter! And is that James... making conversation? A really good conversation at that? omg I'm so proud of him :')

The Moonlight Kingdom capital sat at the top of a high hill, with a valley that dipped low between the hills around it, like a giant, natural moat. From where they stood, on an adjacent hill, looking across the dip between them, and the snow-capped trees, they could see the hints of buildings, long winding streets, all securely tucked in behind a massive stone wall surrounding the entire city.

Peeking out, through the foggy mist, were the towers of the palace, at the far edge of the city.

James hadn't been there in five years.

He wondered how much had changed.

Elliot snorted, and James patted him on the neck. The sun was going down, hiding behind the mountain range that danced around the city's back, like nature's frame. The mountains stretched for miles, and with jagged edges guided the sky's silhouette across the horizon. James had forgotten how breathtaking the view was, and even more so from the palace towers, where you could see it even closer, looking down into the deep valleys, where the snow pooled like little rivers.

Somewhere, in the depths of the palace, Clandestine was waiting.


I love the city description, especially the part where you likened the mountains around the city to "nature's frame". That felt really poetic! It also seems like a really cool place, and exciting capitals do wonders for worldbuilding. :D

nooooooo, James, you won't find her there ;-;

James glanced back at the others. Robin was in his wolf form, carrying Dinny on his back, climbing up a large boulder, presumably to get a better view.

When Robin had first shifted, two days ago, James was too shocked to say anything. Not because Robin was a werewolf, but because he was surprised there were any still around. Dinny had been shocked as well, but she took it pretty well, all things considered. She and Robin had warmed up to each other pretty quickly, actually.

"Robin will stay with me," Mel said. "He's good at sensing when people are coming."

She paused.

Dinny was laughing as she tumbled off of Robin's back, and he flopped on top of the boulder. Bo was standing beside the big rock, and briefly held out his hands to catch Dinny, but she didn't fall. She pulled herself back up quickly with a giggle and pointed out towards the mountains in view. Raj, in the background, was the only one actually doing anything productive, tying up the horses and starting to unpack.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm glad Robin was accepted by both of them! Dinny getting a piggyback (wolfyback??) ride is the purest thing since Sticky the toad, I was very happy to see that in this chapter :')

I also like that Bo's instinct was to catch her from falling, that's sweeeet and kudos to Raj for actually doing something while literally everyone else is messing around XD

"How long have you been at the guild?" James asked.

Mel looked at him, seeming a little surprised that he'd talked, but she smiled.

"About twenty years, now," she said. "It's hard to believe it's been that long."

James had known the guild had been around for a while, but knowing that it had existed longer than he had been alive was still hard to swallow. Bo had explained to him that Mickey took great lengths to keep their location a secret, and have no less than a myth-like whisper of their existence spreading throughout the kingdoms. James could understand - trying to rebuild after the war against the mages, and after the calamity - it had to have taken time.


James, starting a conversation for once? it's more likely than you think

I'm not sure about whether "have no less than a myth-like whisper of their existence", since that suggests they want to be more known than that, but they're supposed to be a secret. Maybe you meant "have no more than a myth-like whisper of their existence"? ;-;

"How old were you when you were recruited?"

Mel looked up in the sky in thought. "I was 13. Raj was 10. Our parents disowned us and cast us out before mage-hunters could find us, and we were on our own. I had been hiding my magic for a few years, using my healing magic to heal scrapes and bruises Raj and my other siblings got without my parents knowing. But they found out, eventually. It was Raj, who they discovered first. And then my other siblings spilled about me, and from there, our path was pretty clear to us."

She paused, looking back at Bo, who was now climbing atop the boulder with Dinny and Robin.

"Bo found us, actually," she said, with a small smile. "It's so strange, that he really hasn't aged a day."


I like the little peek at Mel and Raj's backstory here! It's also neat that Bo's involved, since I think it's nice when everyone's backstories overlap and come together a bit. ;-;

"How have you been doing?"

Gods, not this question again.

"Health-wise."

Oh. Well. That was a little easier to answer.

"Your healing magic has been helping a lot," he said.

He looked back at Mel, who was patting her horse on the snout. She smiled.

"That's good," she said. "No more aches and pains?"

James shifted on his feet, and looked at the ground.

"Much less than normal," he said quietly.

"Ah," Mel's tongue clicked. "Sadly, I can't take it all away. It's... harder to get rid of pains that have been around for a long time before. I'm better at the more immediate. The fresher wounds. The recent ailments. Some healers are better at different things."


I find that detail about what she can and can't heal well to be interesting! I was also worried James wouldn't answer that question, but I'm glad he did ;-;

"Do you know much about healing magic?" she asked.

"I think it's safe to say I only have an elementary understanding of most magic," James answered.

"Ah. Right. So, with healing magic, it's like a transference of energy. That's what helps heal a wound, or a sickness, or whatever it is, so rapidly. With other magics, you're manipulating an element that's already there, usually one that you can see. But healing magic is more of a sense and a feeling. It's kind of like you're giving a little of your life to restore a little of someone else's. Which, well, that's why we have limits. Like bringing someone back from the dead. Or, that's why we don't always heal completely right away. We stabilize someone, and then aid in the natural healing process to speed it up more than normal, but not so much that we shock someone's body too much. Because it can be a lot to take in."

James nodded slowly.

Yes. It was a lot to take in.

"A healer's limits are mostly defined by their own magical strength and stamina. We only have our own energy to draw from. It's forbidden to draw from another source. That's also why we can't heal ourselves. Drawing from another life source can drive a healer mad."


This is all super neat! I wonder if that means that healers have a shorter lifespan because of it. I hope not, since I like Mel! Working out the details and rules of magic is always an important part of fantasy worldbuilding, and you did a great job of that here c:

Laughter erupted from Dinny and Robin again, and Bo was quick to hush them, even though Bo himself was fighting back laughter. Mel shot them a warning look, and they quieted down.


I'm going to assume this means Robin is in human form again if he's laughing! ;-;

Dinny came running over to them, skidding in the snow as she stopped at their feet.

"Bo says it's time to make camp!" she announced, before running back over to the boulder. James wasn't going to mention how Raj was already doing that before the rest of them.

James and Mel looked at each other before following behind Dinny at a walking pace.

In just a few hours, they'd be inside the Moonlight Kingdom. Or rather, below it.


Was she speaking in James' language or the goblin language? It feels like a bit long of a sentence for his language, but James doesn't speak goblin and wouldn't be able to understand that. So maybe Mel could translate for James or something. In any case, good ending! c:

*showers you with hearts* <3 <3 <3 <3 <3




soundofmind says...


I'm glad u like the description and the little bits of character growth and backstory stuff :,) love u tank u for reading and reviewing i can never say it ENOUGH!!




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