z

Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon 18.3

by soundofmind


Chapter 18 Part 3: What's the Plan, Cowboy Man?

James felt more at home on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by the trees and underbrush. He’d found a vantage point from atop a small cliff that jutted out the side of a hill that provided him enough cover and distance so that he went unseen and unheard while still being able to view the camp down below. At the bottom of the cliff, the trees started to thin out, and it opened out into a field that was home to a farmhouse shed that again, looked abandoned. That was the nature of all of the buildings that had been hit by the goblin wars some year or another, eventually, all abandoned for the safety of the city walls.

Of course, they weren’t entirely abandoned. Apparently the buildings still saw criminal use, if only for hidden-away meetings or for the storage of illegally obtained goods, like griffin eggs.

The moment Morgan and William had struck a deal James had weeded out as much information as possible as he could to form a reasonable plan. Ajax was still holding the Diamond brothers’ wagon and belongings as insurance, and the brothers were expected to meet back up with him after getting the necessary supplies to make more smoke bombs for the heist Ajax and his company were organizing to steal the egg. Again. William and Morgan had an arranged place and time where Ajax was going to pick them up and take them away so that they could supervise their work. Something about broken trust.

James insisted it would be best to follow up on their current arrangement to avoid suspicion, despite William’s fearful whining about how horribly it could go wrong. But James had managed to reassure him that Ajax wouldn’t injure them at least until after the heist was completed because he might need them again - and a chemist and “potion-maker” with injured hands wouldn’t be able to do his work half as well. It was just business sense, and that seemed to quiet William down enough to comply.

Of course, James could make no guarantees that Ajax wouldn’t cut out William’s tongue out of sheer annoyance - because, by gods, that man would not shut up.

But after that it was simple. He’d tailed them into town, kept an eye on them when they met with Ajax, and followed them into the forest where they’d made camp some distance away from a shed where the egg was. Presumably.

The brothers hadn’t known the location they would be led to, but they already knew what Ajax expected them to do - he wanted them to make smoke bombs laced with sleep-inducing drugs (when inhaled) and consequently, create multiple breathing masks so that Ajax’s men could go in unaffected. The simple plan was to supply James with one of the masks as well, so he could sneak in when the smoke-filled up the room and take the egg in the confusion.

Of course, there were many variables in that plan that lent themselves to risks.

One, Morgan was tasked with getting away from the camp with one of the masks long enough to fill James in on Ajax’s plan so he would know the cues on when to get close and jump in. William assured him that Ajax wouldn’t know if they made an extra mask and they would make it work so that it wouldn’t cause trouble, and Morgan seemed to nod less convincingly. James had asked them if they could make one before meeting Ajax, but they said no. They didn’t have everything they needed.

So they were stuck with that as their only option. None of them liked it - James, the least, as it depended on Morgan’s ability to deceive and sneak away - but he just had to wait it out. Morgan was clearly the larger man of the two, but he did seem the most sensible. That was quite honestly, the only reassuring thing about him. Apart from the fact that he seemed a competent chemist, it amounted to nothing when it came to assuring him that he would get what he needed to get the egg.

It was already a haphazard plan as it was. It was up to James to come up with a distraction so the brothers could clamber into their wagon and flee. It was up to James to be quick enough and quiet enough to sneak into the shed alongside Ajax’s other men and get the egg just before them. Even meeting up with Morgan to get the mask rested mostly on his shoulders. He had to keep watch for when Morgan broke away and hurry to meet him.

It just made his headache more persistent, ringing through his head. It was a bad plan. The chances of success were too slim. But he hadn’t been able to come up with anything else, so he had to work with it.

As he’d been watching the camp, the sun was getting lower in the sky. The Diamond brothers were busy going in and out of their wagon - and the only reason he was able to identify them from such a distance was because William was dressed in all white and Morgan was easily the stoutest of all the people down there. Everyone else looked like little, featureless figures moving in and out of the little tent sticking out of the small clearing.

He watched and watched until finally, he saw Morgan step out of the wagon and talk to someone. He made sharp, pointed movements with his hands. He walked a few steps. Stumbled. Hurried off into the forest. Someone followed, going with him.

Well, that wasn’t according to plan. James moved anyway, mounting up into Elliot’s saddle and hurrying down the hill. Fortunately, the camp wasn’t far away, just some distance down. He was glad that Elliot had grown comfortable trotting down rougher terrain as they weaved through the trees with ease. Elliot seemed to intuitively know there was an element of haste in James’s directions because he moved ahead with earnest - but cautious, as usual.

When the ground became flatter though, James knew he had to leave Elliot for a moment. A horse was a little too telling that someone was nearby, and there wasn’t any large enough cover for him to approach stealthily while mounted. So at the bottom of the hill, still deep within the trees, he paused for just a moment to tie Elliot to a tree.

He touched the side of Elliot’s face, resting his hand there for a short few seconds, studying Elliot’s face.

Elliot would be fine.

That was what he had to tell himself as he tore away, running back into the forest in the direction he’d seen Morgan go, proceeding with a slowing pace, aware that he might be very close, and didn’t want to run in without knowing who the other person was, or why they were there.

He crouched low, walking on the balls of his feet. He heard shuffling ahead of him - moving quickly, with hurried, clumsy steps. There was no sufficient ground cover for a quick hideaway, so he jumped up to grab the branch of a tree and pulled himself up higher, higher, and froze behind the crisscrossing branches to stop them from shuffling.

Morgan came into view below, huffing and puffing and holding his hands on his side like he had a cramp. His pace started to slow as he approached the tree James was hidden in, and Morgan didn’t seem to even bother looking up. Whoever was with Morgan wasn’t anywhere in sight… but that didn’t mean they couldn’t see Morgan.

Morgan was huffing, coming to a stop a short distance from James’s tree. He was looking around now, searching the forest with a desperate, wide-eyed look of clear stress.

James wondered how keen Morgan’s senses were. Would he hear a muttered word from a few yards away? A whisper? James didn’t know if it was safe to reveal himself entirely, and jumping down from the tree would be far too noisy if Morgan’s company was within shouting or even viewing range.

Morgan took a few steps away from James’s tree. He looked lost.

“Morgan,” James finally hissed, barely raising his voice above a whisper.

Morgan came to a sudden stop, his shoulders tensing. He slowly looked behind him.

“Yes, that’s the right direction. Come closer. Look down at the ground, like you saw something,” he began to instruct. Morgan’s eyes naturally followed to the ground, expectant. Of course, there was nothing on the ground, James just didn’t want him looking up.

Morgan was taking small steps but eventually came below the tree.

“Stop. Keep looking down,” James repeated. his voice growing quieter. Morgan came to a stop. He didn’t look up.

“I told them I had to go to the bathroom. That it would be messy,” Morgan muttered, voice filled with embarrassment.

James made a look of disgust to himself behind the leaves. He didn’t need to know that, even if it was a bluff.

“Do you have the mask?” James asked.

Morgan kept his face downward, but James read the slouch of his shoulders.

“No,” Morgan said. “We barely had enough supplies and time to make three.” A pause. “Look, I have to make this look convincing. Ron’s watching. Wherever you’re at, can you look away?”

Dragons above. James’s expression turned sour and he suppressed a groan, looking up and beyond Morgan, seeing if he could tell where said Ron was, but he couldn’t make out small details beyond the leaves.

“You’ll have to hold your breath,” Morgan explained under his breath. “And plug your nose with something. You’ve got a handkerchief or a bandana or something? Something to tie around your nose and mouth. But plug your nose too. If you breathe any of it in you’ll get too drowsy to function in mere minutes.”

James had a bandana. He could easily shove pieces of it up his nose if he had to. He’d clean it later.

“Okay,” he said lowly. “How long does it last? The drowsiness?”

“It can knock a grown man out for a little over five minutes. That’s it.”

James let out a quiet, tense sigh.

“What’s their plan, then?” he asked.

Another pause, this one lengthy. James was growing impatient.

“They’re gonna toss the bombs in through a window and block the exits for two minutes, go in quickly, grab the egg, and leave. It won’t take more than a few minutes, and they don’t plan on hurting anyone,” Morgan answered. “Or, well, none of the people in the shed. I guess they saw some guys head in there earlier, going in and out a bit. Now that the sun is starting to go down they’re going to do it soon. The people have been inside for a while.”

James blinked slowly.

“Where do I fit in?” he asked sharply.

“Uh…” Morgan muttered something James couldn’t make out.

James waited for Morgan to say something louder, but he didn’t.

“…You’re going to have to repeat that.”

James could hear the shuffling of clothing and feet down below.

“I sabotaged the lining in the masks,” he whispered. “William doesn’t know. When they go in to get the egg they’ll breathe it in. You should be able to strike when they come out with it. They’ll already start to feel slow. That’s all I could do. But when you do grab the egg, they’ll be right on your tail. They’ll alert the others. Not all of them are going to be affected. There will still be the ones at camp, and they’d be within yelling distance. I’m hoping that will be enough for us to slip away… Ajax didn’t plan on being done with-”

And that would have to be enough because James could see a man coming towards them, eyes on Morgan. James finally looked down just in time to see Morgan’s mouth snap shut before turning into an earnest smile.

“Sorry for that!” he said with a laugh, running away from the tree. “Hopefully I didn’t delay anything.”

“Shut up and hurry up,” Ron barked gruffly, turning away.

“Alright, I’ll do that,” Morgan replied with notably less enthusiasm, before trotting off after him.

James watched as the two of them disappeared back into the forest before climbing down from the tree, staring out in the direction of Ajax’s camp.

He was doing the math.

Three masks meant three people going in to steal the egg and three people under the influence of a sleep-inducing drug to fight through while holding his breath. He would have to get the egg, run with it without dropping it, or damaging it, mount Elliot, run away, and lose whatever tail he gained in the process when the others were alerted to his presence.

That sounded like… a lot more trouble than it was worth. He briefly entertained the idea of returning to town, finding Clandestine, saying that he couldn’t find the egg or the Diamond brothers and that it was all a lost cause. He considered saying he tried his best, but it didn’t work out. But he also considered how lying would affect her again… it wasn’t as if she could prove him wrong, and she wouldn’t even know if he didn’t show it.

But she wanted his honesty. So much so that she was willing to invade his privacy for it, and that made his heart twinge.

Lying had always been something he did to survive, and now it just came naturally. But Clandestine, for some bizarre reason, was determined to keep running into him despite that.

He thought about the egg, and the escaped mother griffin, and Clandestine out there hunting for it, probably giving it her all and doing everything she could to figure out how she was going to find it only to ensure its freedom.

He hoped she was safe.

With another sigh, he turned back to return to Elliot, hurrying ahead and jumping over tree roots and overgrown ferns.

It would be wrong if he didn’t at least try.


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Wed Sep 02, 2020 5:51 am
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Omni wrote a review...



Hey sound! Happy RevMo!! I hope to hear your feedback on my feedback sometime soon xD anyway let’s get into it!

Be careful on run on sentences. In the first paragraph, you have a severe run on sentences with four or fives “that”s, so it can get a little heavy to read. Also, I’m sensing a lot of the same in the beginning of this chapter part as the last couple of chapter parts. A lot of this is recap, and when chapter after chapter has some sort of recap or flashback or thinking back, it gets tedious to the reader. I gotta be honest, this feels like bloat to fill the story. Maybe you didn’t actually know what to write here to fill up an entire chapter, but the feel I get from this is that you’re trying to stall the action scene. Which, I get! You have told me that you’re not amazing at writing action scenes, but this isn’t a good alternative. About the first six hundred words of this chapter part was about the plan and it could be counted that you’re catching the reader up, but does this information actually matter? Let’s get on to the plan itself.

All right! So the next chapter part with James is where the action begins! It seems like both James’ and Clandestine’s part of the Griffin arc is coming to a close. So, now that my mind is on it, I definitely want to talk about this Griffin arc in a way that I haven’t yet. Because, well, you know my opinion about how it detracted from what was a compelling main story in a way that doesn’t feel cohesive or add to the main story. But, another issue that I have with this (keep in mind that it has been awhile since I read the parts leading up to what I started recently reviewing) is that you separated James and Clandestine right when things were getting interesting between them, with James having to reveal a bit more of himself and Clandestine having to reveal a bit more of herself, with side characters that I honestly don’t care about. The one I care about the most is the lady who cared for the little boy like a mother in the Clandestine’s track and the mayor that was just in a small part. Other than that, however, these characters don’t stand out to me whatsoever, and that’s a clear shame, because they’re not offering anything to the story than just being a side character. And, you know, there’s a difference between those side characters who actually add to the story so much that people want more of them, and then there’s side characters who don’t make anyone blink an eye when they’re gone. I guarantee that in three chapters, I’ll forget all about these characters and they’ll have no importance to the story later on. One of the reasons that AtLA is so good (one of the MANY reasons) is the cast of side characters that felt important and developed on their own. AtLA had the ingenious idea to bring back many of the characters in the third season that only had an episode or two beforehand. I wish I could see that here, with this Griffin arc, but honestly the only two characters I can see that is A) the mayor and B) the griffin. So, let’s see what can be done about that in the future chapter parts!! Can’t wait to read more :D




soundofmind says...


Ahh, yeah, I feel that. You've got very valid points. Also, I think, in hindsight, a lot of the recapping I did wasn't so much for the reader as it was myself LOL so, oopsies.

I think separating them for another side-quest wasn't the best decision, so it's definitely something I'll have to heavily rework in the future.



Omni says...


I FEEL THAT AS A WRITER where im liked "what did i write last chapter??"



soundofmind says...


ITS A FAT MOOD



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Fri Jul 03, 2020 1:51 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we are at the end of Chapter 18

First Impression: Okay a few complications for the plan. That's always a good thing because it would have been unrealistic for a plan that shaky to actually work. And the Diamond brothers are so far cooperating or at lest it looks that way.

It was already a haphazard plan as it was. It was up to James to come up with a distraction so the brothers could clamber into their wagon and flee. It was up to James to be quick enough and quiet enough to sneak into the shed alongside Ajax’s other men and get the egg just before them. Even meeting up with Morgan to get the mask rested mostly on his shoulders. He had to keep watch for when Morgan broke away and hurry to meet him.


That does seem like a lot of things that James has to come up with. Couldn't they jerry rig one of the smoke bombs to be a bit more explosive or something along those lines.

He touched the side of Elliot’s face, resting his hand there for a short few seconds, studying Elliot’s face.

Elliot would be fine.


Another lovely subtle nod to these two horses. They have been unsung heroes throughout this book.

“I told them I had to go to the bathroom. That it would be messy,” Morgan muttered, voice filled with embarrassment.


Not the worst excuse. *puts on gas mask*

James had a bandana. He could easily shove pieces of it up his nose if he had to. He’d clean it later.

“It can knock a grown man out for a little over five minutes. That’s it.”


So an entire griffon and an egg was snuck out in five minutes in the initial plan. Seems unlikely. If its only the egg it makes sense. But the griffon escaping as well seems unlikely in five minutes.

“I sabotaged the lining in the masks,” he whispered. “William doesn’t know. When they go in to get the egg they’ll breathe it in. You should be able to strike when they come out with it. They’ll already start to feel slow. That’s all I could do. But when you do grab the egg, they’ll be right on your tail. They’ll alert the others. Not all of them are going to be affected. There will still be the ones at camp, and they’d be within yelling distance. I’m hoping that will be enough for us to slip away… Ajax didn’t plan on being done with-”


So William doesn't know how the masks are built? Or he would recognize the faulty lining. Also why wasn't this already part of the plan. This is definitely an improvement and James has proved smart enough to have come up with something like this.

“Shut up and hurry up,” Ron barked gruffly, turning away.


*takes off gas mask*

He hoped she was safe.

With another sigh, he turned back to return to Elliot, hurrying ahead and jumping over tree roots and overgrown ferns.

It would be wrong if he didn’t at least try.


Well nice to see the relationship between them continue to develop.

And that's it.

Overall: Sounds like we have an exciting plan coming up next chapter. It was fairly well thought out. But once again I wonder what Dinny is up to?

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Apr 10, 2020 8:16 pm
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mellifera wrote a review...



Hey sound! One more from me today :)


At the bottom of the cliff, the trees started to thin out, and it opened out into a field that was home to a farmhouse shed that again, looked abandoned.


When you say “again”, I’m assuming you mean in relation to the one that James and Clandestine saw Mr. Diamond at before with the scam egg?

that had been hit by the goblin wars some year or another, eventually, all abandoned for the safety of the city walls.


The last part of this was a little bit confusing to read? Maybe “that had been hit by the goblin wars some year or another that were eventually all abandoned by those who fled behind the safe, city walls”?

Something about broken trust.


wonder why anyone would be suspicious of any of this

Of course, James could make no guarantees that Ajax wouldn’t cut out William’s tongue out of sheer annoyance


I don’t remember this well for earlier chapters, but just between this and the last one I read, the difference between Clandestine and James’ pov is well-written? Clanny’s chapters are lighter and written a little more goofy because it’s more on par with her personality, whereas James’ scenes are a little more… docile, but alert is the first descriptor that comes to mind? And then they have little slices of darkness in them and it’s Very Good.

Of course, there were many variables in that plan that lent themselves to risks.


There is a bit of repetition now in starting sentences/paragraphs with “Of course” and I’m,,, starting to notice it a little bit more then I should? You might want to play around with that so it’s not repetitive.

Morgan seemed to nod less convincingly.


You also fall back on “seemed” a lot, which pads your writing in a way that I don’t think you want. It becomes more of a filler then a word that means anything. Be decisive! The characters are doing most of the thing you’re describing, not “seeming” to do them, y’know?

James had asked them if they could make one before meeting Ajax, but they said no. They didn’t have everything they needed.


#suspicious

That was quite honestly, the only reassuring thing about him apart from the fact that he seemed a competent chemist, but that amounted to nothing when it came to assuring him that he would get what he needed to get the egg.


This sentence runs on a bit long? I think you could break it up or rearrange it a bit so it wasn’t? Perhaps “That was, quite honesty, the only reassuring thing about him. Apart from the fact that he seemed to be a competent chemist, but that amounted to nothing when it came to reassuring him that he was to have what he needed to get the egg.” ?

It was already a haphazard plan as it was.


aren’t most plans just haphazard

It just made his headache more persistent, ringing through his head. It was a bad plan. The chances of success were too slim. But he hadn’t been able to come up with anything else, so he had to work with it.


his headache was from trying to come up with plans. it did psychic damage to him, he tried too hard.

Elliot seemed to intuitively know there was an element of haste in James’s directions because he moved ahead with earnest


Well, if James is asking him for a faster trot then I would assume he obeys that haha. Also, “earnest” should be “earnestness” or maybe something more like “intent”? If it was “in earnest” it would be correct too!

Elliot would be fine.


WELL NOW I’M SCARED FOR ELLIOT SOUND


god I love how much your characters love their horses it gives me LIFE


James made a look of disgust to himself behind the leaves. He didn’t need to know that, even if it was a bluff.


This is another instance where I would have gone to describe how James reacted/looked disgusted instead of just saying “he did this”. Like, “James wrinkled his nose” or “James grimaced”.

“No,” Morgan said. “We barely had enough supplies and time to make three.”


of course

“Look, I have to make this look convincing. Ron’s watching.


WHY IS RON WATCHING

“You’ll have to hold your breath,” Morgan explained under his breath. “And plug your nose with something.


I genuinely forgot about the mask and sleep gas situation and I was like “WHAT IS HE DOING”

But she wanted his honesty. So much so that she was willing to invade his privacy for it, and that made his heart twinge.


hello james, I would like to introduce you to an emotion called Guilt. it’s very useful for clanny right now.

He thought about the egg, and the escaped mother griffin, and Clandestine out there hunting for it, probably giving it her all and doing everything she could to figure out how she was going to find it only to ensure its freedom.


:’)

It would be wrong if he didn’t at least try.


CLANDESTINE’S GOODNESS IS INFECTING HIM!! SUCCESS!


I think that's all I have for you today <3 hopefully I'll be able to get to the rest very soon!!

I hope you're still having a wonderful time :D




soundofmind says...


When you say %u201Cagain%u201D, I%u2019m assuming you mean in relation to the one that James and Clandestine saw Mr. Diamond at before with the scam egg?

YES THAT IS WHAT I MEANT iirc lol

I don%u2019t remember this well for earlier chapters, but just between this and the last one I read, the difference between Clandestine and James%u2019 pov is well-written?

Me, literally crying, wiping tears away as I read this: TH , , THANK U

his headache was from trying to come up with plans. it did psychic damage to him, he tried too hard.

BAAHAHAHAHaaaa

WHY IS RON WATCHING

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD YOU HAVE NO IDEA - Ron is watching because Morgan cannot even be trusted to poop without doing something sneaky lol

THIS REVIEW HAD ME HOLLERING but also, super helpful when you point out confusing sentences and repeated phrases of stuff. I can try to keep a lookout more now! BLESS U AND I LOVE YOU AND YOUR REVIEWs, THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME JOY



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Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:38 pm
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Mageheart says...



The amount of joy I got from seeing "cowboy" in the title shouldn't have been as high as it was, and it definitely shouldn't have gotten as strong as it did when I read James's name in the first sentence. :P

Also, I can't wait to see James save the day! I know he'll do amazing - even if everything doesn't go to plan. :)




soundofmind says...


I'M GLAD YOU HAVE SO MUCH HOPE AND TRUST IN JAMES because I don't sometimes lol



soundofmind says...


He needs someone to believe in him thank u



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Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:56 am
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Brigadier wrote a review...



Heyo soundo my dear. I'm back again because evidently your chapters are still in the green room.

So I admit that I probably didn't pay enough attention to everything going on in this chapter, but I found myself getting mixed up in all of the names. It was a similar issue to how my head got scrambled in the last chapter with hectic events and your all star cast. Some of it does come from dropping into the middle of this story and I think a little bit of it comes from the chapter structure.

There seems to be a lot of rambling information happening and a lot of details for the rather simple bottomline that James eventually reaches. I do enjoy the background details that the reader is given on the situation. It just seems to be a little bit too much until I get to the very end where James is wrapping up all of the details for the upcoming heist. And then for the reader it's all sort of overwhelming.

As a summary of all the characters I've met so far, I take this quote from the middle of your literary work:

None of them liked it...

All of your characters seem to be rather frustrated by the shenanigans that they are currently involved in. I can't wait until the situation spirals to fisticuffs.
Towards the very end of this chapter part we find another quote that sums up your characters:
With another sigh...


I can see that Morgan/Elliot/whoever he's talking to because to be honest that part is really dang confusing my bro. But whoever they are they have a really solid plan about how they're going to manage to steal the mysterious egg. I know that this is connected to the griffin in the previous part I read and I'm sure there's far more going on here that I am not informed about.

On the overall, your writing in this chapter it's a little bit confusing, but with all of the complications going on I'm excited for the future plotline.

Happy review day, soundo.
- Jack <3




soundofmind says...


Thank you for the review Jack :,)



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Benji wrote a review...



I forgot to review this one lol,

Again, I really enjoy the narration, it's never dragged on for too long, and with every chapter there is a recognizable scene (at least to me), you already know the highlight of this one sound hahaha, it made me do a double take after reading it, and honestly works out really well since it catches you off guard so much like james and that just makes the scene stand out, oh and reserved potty humor makes the 5 yr old in me belt out laughing. Looking forward to the next funny scene and the great writing always keeps me invested :')




soundofmind says...


SOMEHOW I NEVER REPLIED TO THIS? Love u Benji and thank u ;-;



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Benji says...



Morgan said: uh oh stinky!! 😳😳




soundofmind says...


LOLLLLL



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LadyMysterio says...



Hello again!
I love this story so much, I will have to go back and read the other chapters.
I didn't really find any errors in this story, other than the second sentence.
It is an extremly long sentence.
I would suggest adding a comma or alter the sentence.
I hope James gets away with the egg!


-Lady Mysterio.




soundofmind says...


Thank you again Lady Mysterio! I%u2019m glad you%u2019re loving the story and I hope you enjoy going back to the beginning! :)




hmmm. you know, the quote generator deserves some garlic bread
— SilverNight