Published October 16, 2010
I believe That are detineys are entwined
now that I see that my fate been decided
how i hope that in some way you will remeber me
I just wish you could see that i would
lay my life down for you
But now that i sit here alone
i only remeber what went wrong
And now that you are gone
i will never know what to do
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Hello there, Soulidium!
I am here for my first review. So please understand if ever you see this vague or something. Well, here it goes.
The first thing I noticed was that you have a lot of misspelled words. Try to fix them out. Just try to remember "I" should always be capitalized. Your poem seemed too blurry to read and I couldn't really figure out the message you're trying to convey here. Although I think the poem speaks of love, am I right? With that being said, it could've been really better if you expand this more with emotions and other stuffs.
So just try to re-read your piece again. You might find some typical errors here.
~Silver