It's funny how you never realize what you have until it's taken away. Then you beg and you plead to have it back, but it's too late. You wallow in regret and despair as your mind plays over and over everything you did wrong. Your mistakes are constantly shoved in your face. Every time you think of what you once had, an arrow is shot through your heart until it can no longer be seen through the feathery shafts. You're rotting from the inside out, but you don't even care anymore. Your whole existence is a movie shown over and over as a cautionary tale, and you're forced to sit through every showing and watch as people laugh at your stupidity. You do not kill yourself only because you're already dead.
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140,808 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
I like this its nice.
I think though you should break it up a little bit it was hard to reading a huge bulk.
Lots of meaning, extremely powerful and I really did like it. I love your last 2 sentences it was funny yet straight to the point. I hope I helped Off to read more of your amazingness
Overall, nice work!
I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors. And I really liked how you added in all the figurative language there. I like it that way.
Yes, it isn't in multiple paragraphs so it seems squished together, but that is okay if you want it like that.
As for name ideas, think of what this writing, these words, think of what they mean. I think it should have at least something to do with regret, sadness, being alone, death... Something mysterious.
I hope this review helped you, and keep up the good work!
Hi there!
First off, I may be able to help you with a title. The chapter/story seems like regret, right? Or death? You can incorporate regret and dead into your title. Take some key words/ideas from your chapter and put it in your title. If you don't like it you'll always be able to change it later!
Onto your actual story. Your description was good, using similes and metaphors. It seemed a little squished together, though. Try spacing it out by making new paragraphs.
Also, it seems a bit short. What did this main character do wrong? What's going on?
Some of these questions may be answered in the second chapter, which is good.
Your description is extraordinary, keep up the work! Hope I helped!
~ WillowPaw1