Lavender

Very beautiful! I love how you had it be so simple yet so meaningful all at once. It flows beautifuly like the breeze mentioned in the poem, and when you mentioned the I swore I could smell it I was so drawn in. I hope you make more like this I'm glad i found it too it really made my day.

This is a good poem but it's hard to read and that's a shame. It's like you tried to use enjambment but it didn't work because it didn't make sense. You could fix this by adding words or even combining lines. It will make the poem flow better and show off this beautiful story and idea you having going here.

Also, consider capitalizing the words that begin a new line. It allows for continuity and it's easier on the eyes.

Hm. I don't know if I love this, or hate it. In some ways, I suppose it would be both, which is a really good sign you're on your way to being a good poet. Just that, this might be the first time in a long time I actually feel a little at war with myself over what kind of opinion I want to give this.

You see, there are some really unpleasing aesthetics to this. Like the unnecessary descriptions of things happening. The going up and down the stairs. The shower turning on. The making of the bed. It was almost as if you took a perfectly beautiful poem, and stuffed up the inside of it with the most useless bits of information imaginable. After all, there is a line between poetry and prose, and it felt like you were adding flesh like one would add flesh to a setting in a novel/short story.

But you really don't need to.

You see, if we chopped this up and took out all the unnecessary bits, you'd have something rather admirable. For instance, if you took lines 3,5 to 3,13, you would have a poem. And a decent poem at that.

The thing is, I really am quite at war with myself over this, as I really love the idea of the narrator with her head pressed against the cold glass. It seems almost desperate. A good juxtaposing image to the end where the lavender petal floats away. Its very society verses nature, or capture verses freedom. All these things are interesting concepts.

I don't know if I like the fact that it has to be specifically a lavender petal, though lavender is pretty enough. I would cut the lavender aspect out.

Nonetheless, it was a bit of a fight for me, only because it was so 'prose first, poetry second' to be something I held in high regards. But I respect it, if anything. I respect the fact that you're trying, and I should like to see/read more of your work if you should ever post it. I'm curious as to whether or not this was stylistic, or more of a quirk that needs to be passed. Nonetheless, send me links whenever you update if you want a review from me.

You've sparked my interest.
~Walker