Published December 24, 2011
You want to know
why the words
I say are now
silent pleas
and heartbroken wishes
of care.
Why the tears
fall from my face
as I lay curled up
alone without a pair.
Why for me
the world has stopped spinning
and has changed
torment into despair.
Why I pull
deeper and deeper
into myself until
I am not there.
But you'll never know.
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Hmmmm, its been awhile since i did this........ so your like my first to review. Lol ok so let me start by saying that this poem you have written is mostly the kind that I would read (which is good) and often makes you think who the poem was to? Like the first post said there are some changes you need to change but other then that I loved it! Nice work and keep it up.
I really liked this its very sad though. I mean when is poetry ever happy? I liked the middle part-
why the tears
fall from my face
as i lay curled up alone
witout a pair
why for me
the world has stopped spinning
and has changed
torment into despair
Good job
OK so there's a couple things you can do here.
One thing (this is something I point out often) is the spacing. Believe it or not the effectiveness of the poem can depend on where u make your spaces.
Also some of the verses tend to be confusing until you move on to the next verse. One of things that you should make sure of when you write a poem is that when you reread it each verse should be complete, not having to rely on the next line to complete it. At least that's what I find effective, and it would make this poem effective as well.
Good job though