Chapter 6
Suddenly I hear the click and groan of the rusty door that leads into the bathroom, shutting the water off I hear heavy breathing. Jerking the towel off of the shower rod I pull it tightly around me and cautiously step out of the shower. As I prepare myself for Sam to be standing outside I find myself dreadfully wrong and step into the path of Logan who’s face is inches from mine. His eyes travel down the length of my body and a smitten grin envelopes his entire ugly face. My mind is frantic and deathly afraid, Logan’s filthy hands dance lightly across my collar bone slowly make there way up to my jaw. I ache atrociously to reach my hands up and punch him in the face, but my body is pained as it is. If I choose to fight I’ll be in a world of pain. The Fighting may be a bad decision but begging, begging is perfect.
“Please don’t, please leave me alone.” I force myself to sound weak and terrified, instead of angry and fierce.
“Don’t worry; I’m not going to hurt you I just wanted to give you something.” He says this slowly, placing a roll of cloth into my hands. Before he exits the bathroom he grabs my hand and traces my life line that lies on the bottom of my palm. Leaving he slams the door behind him. Chills race up and down my spine and my jaw tingles from where he touched me.
Taking a deep breath I place myself in front of the door, so anyone who tries to come in again will have to go through me. Unrolling the bundle of fabrics I find a long night gown my grandmother would have worn if I would ever gotten the chance to meet her. The gown is covered in little daisies, violets and sunflowers the cloth seems old but never worn. Dropping the night gown I pick up my clothes that I arrived here in, my shirt, the sky blue blouse of mine has dirt stains and the sleeves are torn. Turning it around I see mud caked on the back, most likely from when I was pushed down in the street. The jeans are in good condition, checking the pockets I search for my money I put in there before lunch at school. It’s gone and so is my library card, not like I really would need it but I bet I could have shimmied the door open with it. Smart suckers, I hear a fist pounding on the door. “Hurry up, five more minutes and if you’re not out I’m coming in.” Logan’s words are clearly heard through the door.
Staring into the mirror I see my reflection, blue eyes, curly long blonde hair, my nose seems to turn up like a pigs and my teeth are evenly spaced apart but yet people still qualify me, Marnie White as pretty. My cheek is bruised and my left eye is a bit black, wonder where I got that one. I think strangely, grabbing the night gown off of the ground I slip it on and step into my blue jeans. There still good enough to wear, tearing my fingers through my hair I scoop it up into a high pony tail and twist my only remaining hair tie around my thick hair. Taking one last look in the mirror I mouth the words, “help.” Whoever could answer my plea is beyond me but any help would be much obliged especially if it’s help from up above.
Stepping out of the bathroom I see Reds sitting on a chair in front of my escape door and Logan fat butt is planted on the couch waiting. Looking towards Logan I ask, “What do I do now?” He answers indirectly staring at the ceiling, “read a book, sleep, read, or uh sleep.” Funny he’s hilarious, racking my brain on what to do my stomach interrupts my thought growling fiercely. “How about some food,” I ask. Sure they must have something to feed me.
Calling to Reds he says. “Go get some food, first ask Sam what he wants us to feed her then bring it back here.” Reds nods his head and reaches into his pocket for a single door key, finding it he unlocks the door and as I watch it close I glimpse a desolate concrete hallway and absolutely nothing else.
Copyright 2010- property of Akorn
End of chapter
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Hi. It's Freak again.

I'll just list the nitpicks again.
Sorry if it's really long, but again, bear with me.
You should start a new sentence after "Bathroom."
Comma after "Logan."
Start a new sentence after "Afraid," because you are talking about a new thing now.
You should add an "enough" before "Is."
"Fighting"should not be capitalized and a comma before "but."
*Their. Not "There."
There should be two sentences here. (Please don't. Please leave me alone)
After "Hurt you," there should be the start of a new sentence.
Comma after "Leaving."
Additional "Have" before "Would."
New sentence after the word "Sunflowers."
New description; new sentence.
New sentence after "Suckers."
"Are" should be "Were" since he already said the words.
This should be, "My cheek is bruised and my left eyes a bit black. Wonder where I got that one, I think strangely. Grabbing the night gown..."
Also, "Strangely" should be replaced with a more relevant word.
"There" should be "They are." And you need to start a new sentence after "Wear."
Comma after "Beyond" and "Obliged."
Semi-colon after "Funny." New sentence after "Hilarious."
New sentence after "Key."
** I really liked this part too. You are good at doing expressions and looks on peoples faced. Good job. Keep writing,and remember to PM me for anything.