Published November 13, 2011
An image not one too many see.
Not one too many wish to be.
Serene and beautiful,
Simply pharmaceutical.
Chalk like complexions,
No heartbeat detections.
In a zombie like state,
A tick on the mortality rate.
Silent tongues,
With stories unstrung.
Deaths not one can foresee.
But happen even if we don’t agree.
With their unopened eyes.
And dead lies.
I feel their infection.
Even if there is no heartbeat detections.
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139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hi Snickerdooly
This piece is just classy and the more I read it, the more interested I get to read it again. I love the way you've rhythmically, through rhyme, made such symphony out of the chaos that is death. It's enlightening, philosophical, light and quite amusing.
The rhyme in this sounds so effortless and the play with words just shows your mastery over the language. This poem is more than great. It's brilliant.
Thank you so much for sharing this entertaining piece, and keep the bloo... er, ink flowing!
Murtuza,
Very beautiful. Simple and short but impactful.
[quote]An image not one too many see.
But not one too many wish to be.
/quote]
Why "but"? i think you should just leave out the "but" because it doesn't really make sense. If not many people see it, should they wish to be it?
Well, I am not at all a poetry person. But as a reader of poetry. This what I have to say:
Now, unlike most of the readers, I didn't find that poem that cryptic. I got registered as I read each line. It was simple and short. And it was a good idea to be put in a poem. But you could have done more justice to the poem by dwelling on the metaphors more, that is should have come up with more lines.
GoodLuck!
I'm not a big fan of this simple rhyme scheme and shallow metaphor. But it seems to work on some level so well done.
This was perfectly disturbing. I love it. Nice use of imagery and flow. The rhythm was superb and not forced at all. You didn't have any grammar mistakes. It was spell-binding until the very last word. Great work!
~Jess
I, too, didn't get it 'til the end, and then it hit me. And I liked the feeling that happened when it hit me. So, if your goal was to make us feel awesome in a weird but good way, mission accomplished! And once I understood what it was about, I noticed how very good the piece was. Each line was really clever. Excellent job. Keep writing!
Oh, my God!!
*Ahem* Hi there, snickerdooly!
Wow. It took me to read it three times and put it in the translator box to know what this poem was about. I mean, I never got to read the last line before re-reading. xD And when I finally got it, I was speechless.
Amazing, amazing job. Kudos on the way you wrote it: You left us in suspense and confused 'till the end. Very deep. It's short, it flows well, and you chose great vocabulary.
Keep writing!
~Solly<3
To be honest I don't get it. It sounds nice and has good language and flow but I just don't understand. Then again I only read it quickly. Nice work. Keep writing.