Published June 16, 2011
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Hello! This is kind of a trip to read -- I just graduated from high school actually. I think that there's a good foundation here, but there's room for expansion on this poem as well. It would have helped this a lot more if you'd been more specific maybe in your fears/hopes about high school. It would have come off more relatable, actually, because this does come off like you're employing stereotypes instead of talking about how you really felt. Over all though it's a pretty solid poem! It'd be cool if you wrote a poem now, discussing how you feel about high school after having actually experienced it
I'm not very good at writing poetry. But I love how you wrote this and how you described how highschool is.
Coming from someone starting high school, this is a very comforting poem. I like how the theme kind of revolves around how as scary and frustrating as high school may be, it can still be an enjoyable experiance that will be over before we know it. The rhyme scheme is cool. How you repeated the first few lines of the poem near the end,
, and then added an optomistic and brave message, , was really cool. Great job and keep writing!Hello! I thought your poem was interesting! However; being in high school myself, I had a hard time relating 100% to what you were describing. The part where you mention sweating about school and how much time schooling takes up is a little stero-typical and a surface description. Most teens are not to keen on high school as it is. Possibly try to avoid using traditional values concerning high schools reputation. I think then the poem may have more depth to it along with a deeper meaning as to what you truly believe high school is like.
Hi! This was sweet. I liked your voice: I found this strength as well vulnerability. You've really captured how daunting it is, but put in perspective how, in the grand scheme of things, the years of High school are few and pass quickly. I have on small nitpick
- your use of repetition here is quite irritating and breaks up the flow of the poem. I'm not sure how, but hope you can alter this section.That's all! Keep writing!
~ Alia
Howdy there!
I read through this poem and I wasn't too keen on it if I am honest, but after re-reading it I saw a lot more in it. You've used a lot of devices which is always good.
The use of enjambment helps the poem flow well, however I think you may have done this a little too much. Sometimes it doesn't always fit in, just re-read it to yourself, and see if you pause because of the enjambment, that will give you a clearer idea as to what I mean.
Secondly, I love how you used the lists. It shows the effect the school has on the speaker, and it can be linked well to the theme so I liked that.
Overall well done!