Daddy, Where Are You?

Daddy, where are you?
im around the corner and up your butt, sweetie
oh okay

mommy, where are you?
im parked in the garage
oh okay

daddy? are you a car? mommy? are you a garage?

You are SUCH a talented writer! This poem seriously almost made me cry...such powerful emotions. I don't write this well when I have writers block After reading it twice, I really couldn't find anything wrong with it. Sad pieces like this always get me. Amazing, keep it up.

Amazing poem. I almost cried at the stanza where we find out that he died. Thats so sad.

This poem was very deep and I could feel the emotion in the writing. The word choice and sentence structure worked well with the poem. The only part I thought word choice could be stronger is "Where are you daddy? I need you, forever." All together it was wonderful and a beautiful poem.

Hey, Snickerdooly! It's a really beautiful poem as a whole, and I figured I would go through it with you and tell you my thoughts over individual pieces.

Rough calloused hands gently hold me,
I could feel your love,
From miles away. This immediately made me like the poem. It wasn't just a visual detail like most poems contain, but you really made a feeling that I could connect with. That's goooood writing!

You were going to watch me shine,
And watch me live my life,
Where did you go? Here I have a comment for you. It's not always necessary to put punctuation marks at the end of your sentences. Since poetry is read from punctuation mark to punctuation mark (unless there isn't any!) I think it'd flow better if you took at the first comma here.

Remember when you taught me how to fish, Question mark here.
I would kiss each fish I caught,
Then I would kiss you. This really connects me to you. I can not only picture something, but I feel how you feel fishing. It's sweet, really.

There could never be a father that loves me more than you,
No stepfather or family friend,
You loved me.

I search for you in the clouds like you showed me,
But all I see are memories that we made,
The love we had. Another nice description. You might've been feeling writers block, but your descriptions are easy to connect to.

Where are you Daddy?
I need you,
Forever. Makes me want to cry.

You were my guardian and protector,
Who will save me now?
Not you. This part is so heart-wrenching.

I know it wasn't your fault but why?
Did you know you were leaving,
Why did you die?

I'll look for you everywhere,
I won't give up.
I'll find you.


Such a good ending. Hopeful, yet sad.

Well I hope I've made some comments that you can take into account. Great, meaningful poem.

-Kate

Hey, great work. Keep at it. Have you considered a career in poetry?

This is a really touching poem. The choice of words is also good.I really liked it and it seems to have been written with a lot of feeling.

that was really good, your dad sounded like a good man