Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Story continues from The Things I Do (Section 4)
2.
I couldn’t see. There was something in front of my eyes, on my face. A bag of some sort--some cloth pulled over my head. My heart leapt to my throat.
“He’s awake,” I heard a voice say. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn’t know what I was preparing for. I squirmed in my seat. A tight cord of rope was tied around my wrists, binding them behind me.
Footsteps walked toward me, first slowly, then gradually faster. They stopped directly in front of me, and the sack was pulled off my head. I blinked in the suddenly too bright room. Two figures loomed over me, but all I could see was silhouettes.
A scream stuck in my throat.
I sat up straight in my bed, my body drenched in cold sweat. A dream, I thought, it was just a dream. I tried to calm myself down, slow my breathing. My hands shook violently.
“Are you okay?” Slade, the oldest Swain brother, sat up from his cot on the other side of my room. He looked awkwardly at his hands resting on his knees. “You were muttering in your sleep.”
“S-sorry,” I stuttered. “I don’t usually have dreams.”
“Well, you seem pretty shaken up,” he said. “I had dreams all the time, when I started hunting. They were terrible. But it got better, for me.”
My forehead creased. “Why are you telling me this?”
He shrugged. “I figured talking might calm you down. Looks like it did.”
He was right. My hands stopped shaking and I shivered in the sudden cold. Without warning, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I should go talk to August, and that the dream had not been meaningless. “I’m...going to get a glass of water,” I told Slade.
I shut the door quietly behind me, walking barefoot down the hallway to August’s study. He wasn’t likely to be asleep yet, and usually spent his late nights reading all sorts of scripts in the hope of trying to understand the Book of Shadows.
The door to his study was half closed and light bleed out into the hallway. I was about to go in when I heard another voice, Casey’s, from the room. I quickly retreated back into the hall, staying in the shadows.
“Only a member of the council can call them together,” he said.
August sighed. “There’s an appeal process. Likely your request won’t make it past them.”
“You’re a member. August, you know how important this is--my appeal will go through.”
“Then why are you even asking me? You know the rules are in place for a reason. There’s no way I can let you bypass the process.”
“We know that’s not true,” Casey said. There was a dark, threatening tone in his voice.
Silence from August. Then, in a quieter voice, “Do you understand what you’re asking? I can thank you for bringing this to the council’s attention, but Casey to ask for something like this--”
“You know it won’t be denied. The members have lost too many to the Wicks. Even you, with Thomas--”
“Don’t,” he said sharply.
In a gentler tone, Casey said, “I know you were close. I’m sorry. But this is just the beginning.”
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I felt like I was being watched. I turned quickly on my toes, my back pressing against the wall. I gaped at the tall figure looming over me.
“Whit are ye doin’?” the familiar voice said.
My shoulders relaxed. “Two-Bit, you scared me.”
He took a step past me and peering in to the study with a deep frown. “Ye best git tae bed.” He walked into the room, Gerard following closely behind. I thought it would be better to follow Two-Bit’s advice, but Gerard grabbed my shirt collar.
“Not so fast,” he said. I winced under his hand as he pulled me into the study. August and Casey looked up at me, surprised.
“Maverick, what are you--” August stopped talking when he saw the look on Gerard’s face.
He let go of me, folding his arms in a disapproving manner.
“How much did you hear?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I spoke too quickly; they knew I was lying. I looked down at my feet, at the wall, anywhere but their eyes. “There’s something happening in the Wick world, isn’t there?” It was a question, but it came out as more of a statement. I knew something was off, and I could feel it in my bones. The strange connection I had with the world--it was like a weird pulling sensation in the pit of my stomach that left me uneasy and made my eyes swim when I concentrated on it.
I met August’s eyes. He knew I felt something stirring, even if I couldn’t say it out loud. Nobody spoke, but Two-Bit slowly shut the door, turning the lock with a definitive click.
“Maverick,” August said, “you’re too young to know all the things that we know, but…”
“We can’t protect you forever,” Gerard finished.
August wrinkled his forehead, a painful look in his eye. He stood from his desk to begin pacing back and forth.
“It’s no secret,” Casey said, “that we came here for a reason. There were Wicks in our home. There wasn’t many of the, and we seemed to have caught them off guard. But they were looking for something. Melissa and I managed to find out what it was: The Book of Shadows. They said they needed it to ‘complete the ritual.’ We didn’t know what that meant until today when Patrick happened to mention a strange case you came across. He said you thought it could be Cruore Occisorum.”
“I said it might be,” my voice trembled slightly.
“How?” Casey asked.
I swallowed. “There are certain things that...line up. The ritua; can only be performed once every couple hundred years, and only on a half-moon. Well, we had a half-moon two weeks ago, the same night Collin Wilkins died. I’m not sure how he died, maybe if we knew the cause of death--”
“There was a home invasion,” Casey said. I looked at him blankly. “He was murdered. I looked into it, cashed a few favors.”
August stopped pacing and pushed a folder on his desk toward me. I picked it up. On the cover was a sticker declaring it property of Richmond County Police Department. Ignoring my shaky hands, I opened the folder.
The cold, lifeless face of Collin Wilkins stared back at me. He was lying in the center of a pentagon.
I didn’t have to see anymore--my suspicions were confirmed. I closed the folder. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. “Do we know what exactly this ritual could do? If it’s completed, I mean?”
“Yeah,” August nodded. “Hell on earth.”
I dropped the folder on the desk. “What does that mean? Either I’m on this case or I’m not. I’m not a kid anymore. I can handle it.”
August just shook his head. “We have to keep the book safe. It’s the only way to make certain that they can’t finish the ritual.”
“What if they don’t need the book to finish it?” I asked.
“Aye, thay wur lookin’ fur it,” Two-Bit said. “That doesn’t mean thay don’t know whit tae do.”
“It’s no coincidence that they began looking for the Book of Shadows after Wilkins was sacrificed,” August said thoughtfully. “They need the book because they can’t finish the ritual without it.”
We fell into a collective silence. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what could possible happen if the ritual were completed. I’ve heard stories before, about when other Wicks tried to complete the ritual.They were horrible; hundreds of hunters and Wicks alike died. If Cruore Occisorum was completed, millions would die. But I needed toknow what I was up against.
“So we protect the book,” I said.
It sounded so simple. Of course August was the only one who knew its real location, but we would all give our lives to keep the book out of the wrong hands.
“If they do get the book,” Casey began, “there are other measures we must take to protect humanity. It’s not just about us anymore. This is about fighting for mankind. We must go before the council.”
“No,” Gerard said fervently. “The Book of Shadows is safe for the time being. We do nothing! The council doesn’t have to know, not yet.”
“If th’ council is as good as I’ve heard, then thay awready know,” Two-Bit said.
I hoped not. I wasn’t entirely sure who the council consisted of, but I knew enough about them to know that if they were to get involved in something, people were dying.
“I think this calls for a vote, gentlemen,” August said. Gerard and Two-Bit agreed, and Casey nodded reluctantly. “Maverick? You’ll vote?”
My jaw dropped. I was most certainly never allowed to vote. I looked at Gerard, who gave me the smallest of smiles. “Yeah, I’ll vote.”
“Okay,” August said. “All those in favor of waiting to inform the council?”
All of us with the exception of Casey offered various forms of yes. He stood from his chair, giving a curt nod to August.
“Okay, then. If you’ll excuse me, it’s getting a bit late,” he said. Two-Bit unlocked the door. Casey suddenly turned to face me. “You’re a hell of a hunter. I hope I get the chance to work with you.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said awkwardly.
Everyone filed out of the room, leaving August behind to deal with his thoughts. I had only reached the door when I remembered why I came there in the first place. I turned on my heel to face him.
“August,” I said.
“What?” He sat down at his desk and began to shuffle papers. His eyes were tinged with red from lack of sleep, his hair was speckled with gray that I had never seen before, and he was in desperate need of a shave. He looked old, I thought. It was a strange thing, for me, to see him like that, so muddled. I wondered how he could have gotten like this, but I already knew: It was me. I was the cause of his sleepless nights.
He stopped with the papers and his steely eyes met my own. “Yes, Maverick?”
I knew I had to tell him about my dream that didn’t seem like a dream. But at the same time, I knew that I was the cause of all this pain, and I only wanted it to stop.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Nevermind,” I said. “Get some sleep, okay?”
He nodded. I walked slowly back to my room. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I’d be lucky to get any sleep at all tonight.
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Hey there! I haven't read the previous chapters, but I wasn't lost, which means you're doing a great job creating distinct characters and a clear plot.
There's a tense slip here, bleed should be bled.I have one little grammar nitpick for you:
My next comments all have to do with one thing, cutting down on words. It may seem like a small thing, and it does mean there isn't much else wrong with your chapter, but every word counts in a novel. You want your sentences to be full of strong words(nouns, verbs, adjectives) instead of unnecessary weak words(conjunctions, adverbs, prepositions etc..) Uneccessary words weigh down on your powerful sentences and make them less impactful than they should be.
You could rephrase this to: "He wasn’t likely
to beasleep yet, and usually spent his late nights reading all sorts of scripts in the hope oftrying tounderstand[ing] the Book of Shadows." Cuts out four weak words.I don't have a specific way to fix this one, just considering rephrasing it so that it does use less words, and it seems like a really important sentence.
In first person, if a character mentions something, we know they see it, hear it, notice it, or know it without you telling us. So usually, you can delete those words. Key word is usually, there are several times when they are needed for clarity's sake in your chapter. So make sure the sentence still makes sense without it before you delete it. Example here: "I had to tell him about my dream that didn’t seem like a dream. "
Here I want to talk about the word that. That is an interesting word because it's often used needlessly. For example this sentence could become "But at the same time, I was the cause of all this pain, and I only wanted it to stop. " I also got rid of another "I knew". See how it still makes sense? I recommend reading every sentence without the word that and if it still makes sense, delete it.
That's all I got for you. It was so hard to find things to critique! I loved the way you structured the plot. Starting with the intense dream, then having him overhear the conversation, then having someone sneak up on, though it turns out to be a false alarm as he's a friend. Then he gets to become part of the conversation and gets an important task. It will worked together beautiful to keep the suspense up throughout the entire chapter, nice job!
Thanks for sharing.
-Art
YEEEES- *Ahem* I mean, hi! So happy you posted it! ^_^ So basically, I loved it, as usual. I could go on, but let’s just get straight to it then, shall we? (I still have yet to figure out how to make quotes pop using html, so bear with me as I continue to use arrows.)

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Maybe list a couple of the things he’s thinking about, rather than just, “Ugh, I’m preoccupied!”
Keep up the great writing!
→ The dream sequence
Personally, I think dream sequences are supposed to be short and sweet, which is exactly what you did. Yay! That being said, dreams are usually disorienting, sensory, sometimes muddled: basically, a character losing touch with reality. If you wanted, you could try to make the scene more vivid, maybe writing it more abstractly, for that extra vibe.
Might I also suggest that you put it all in italics? It’s usually what’s done and makes it less confusing for readers to know that suddenly we’ve switched to a dream. (I was confused at first, as I remember the last chapter ended off in suspense that the Swain family, or more specifically, Casey wanted to kill Maverick.)
→ “Without warning, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I should go talk to August, and that the dream had not been meaningless.”
I know it’s “without warning”, but it seems kind of really random, borderline plot hole like, that he would ‘feel a dream was not meaningless’ without a reason, aside from a sudden cold. Is there a particular gut-wrenching, nauseating sensation that leads him to feel it’s important, or maybe if you choose to keep it very realistic and non-illusive, did it seem so realistic to the point that he believes it could be something more? Is it related to Wick powers?
→ “Well, you seem pretty shaken up,” he said. “I had dreams all the time, when I started hunting. They were terrible. But it got better, for me.”
(Quick side note: I would say ‘nightmare’ is more fitting in this case than ‘dream’.) What Slade says is supposed to be comforting to Maverick, supposed to calm him down. “Hey, it got better for me, so it’ll get better for you” isn’t likely the most reassuring approach, especially coming from someone he barely knows in a family with Wick-killing intent. Unless, of course, you are trying to make Slade be very awkward... In which case, success.
→ “Likely your request won’t make it past them.”
A bit awkward-sounding, no? I suggest, “Your request is most likely not going to make it past them.”
Some minor typos that need fixing
*“There wasn’t many of the, […]”
*“The ritua; can only be performed once every couple hundred years […]”
*“But I needed toknow what I was up against.”
*“[…] and light bleed out into the hallway.”
→ “What?” He sat down at his desk and began to shuffle papers. His eyes were tinged with red from lack of sleep, his hair was speckled with gray that I had never seen before, and he was in desperate need of a shave. He looked old, I thought. It was a strange thing, for me, to see him like that, so muddled. I wondered how he could have gotten like this, but I already knew: It was me. I was the cause of his sleepless nights.
Excellent paragraph.
→ “I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I’d be lucky to get any sleep at all tonight.”
The first part of this sentence is a bit too… self-aware. When would you ever consciously think, “I’m so preoccupied with my thoughts”? Show us that he is preoccupied with his own thoughts!
Holy hell, I like your story. You basically have it all: a well-established supernatural world, great characters (with unique, but not “Sage Moonblood” unique, names), a really nice story flow, and PROPER USE OF SEMI-COLONS, HALLELUJAH. My main advice to you, again, would be to add more snippets of detail where you can. Expand upon the scenes and give greater dimension to your characters if you don’t want them to all blend together. More ‘detail’ (imagery?) really adjusts how readers will perceive your characters!
For example: ‘“Okay, then. If you’ll excuse me, it’s getting a bit late,” he said. Two-Bit unlocked the door. Casey suddenly turned to face me. “You’re a hell of a hunter. I hope I get the chance to work with you.”’
How does he deliver this statement? Maybe Casey says it warmly, which leads Maverick to believe he might actually have been wrong about him. Or maybe he says it with a big smile, but with a cold glint in his eyes, and Maverick for sure feels as though he shouldn’t trust Casey.
So yeah, overall, solid chapter section! I’m very excited for the next one
- Mav