some nights, i think i am an aquarium.
with all the silence of swimming fish;
i am buoyant.
the stars shine on my waters
and i've got dolphin flips on my mind.
whole schools of herring
slip silver through my veins;
and sharks,
who always need to swim forward,
are chasing after my backwards thoughts,
dredging the shallows with pointed teeth
unsuited for bottom feeding;
leave that to the vacuum-mouthed,
to the loose-lipped lovers of my left-behinds.
jellyfish
float easily on my brain
waves and the sunlight streaks
like blurry watercolors catching on the current,
minnows chasing dust specks.
you can barely see me,
my body darwinian in the seaweed,
my grabby octopus mind clinging to the coral
reefs are beautiful in these shining waters
but
i am a tiny ocean
waves crash, collapse
and my heart is caught in a rowboat
on the surface, lost without a map
and trying so hard to find the shore.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello there smallory! Dogs here with your review today! Firstly if I may say: WELCOME TO YWS! i hope you enjoy your time here. I'm Tucker, and if there is anything you need, a review, some help, advice, ANYTHING! Let me know and I'd be more than happy to help you out. Anywho, on to ze review! Well goodness this was an excellent piece of writing. You have wonderful imagery and I truly enjoyed reading it. I think that the biggest thing that I'd point out is that you should always capitalize "i" when used a proper noun. Reason being, it just looks sloppy when you don't. I understand the writing style that you're using, but I don't believe not capitalizing "i" really adds anything extra to your piece.
"think i am an aquarium."
Try to omit all useless words whenever you can. Try saying: "think I'm an aquarium." That also takes out the repetition of "i" in that first line.
"i am buoyant."
Nice, great use of "buoyant." I love the vocab use that you use in this line, excellent job here. Well done.
"and i've got dolphin flips on my mind."
Sounds a tad bit awkward, try saying: "and I have dolphin flips on my mind" instead. Minor change, but it just helps out with the flow.
"who always need to swim forward,"
Tad bit awkwardly worded, try saying something more like: "who must always keep swimming forward" or something along those lines. Whatever works.
"dredging the shallows with pointed teeth"
I enjoy this line, great vocab again. The excellent vocab use immediately makes the imagery stronger.
That last stanza is stellar. Certainly the best bit of your poem. I really enjoyed reading your writing, you have some darn good talent here. I hope to read more of your writing soon! Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Sweet poem. I'd like 10 pounds of whatever substances assisted in its creation.
Wow, this is probably one of the most breathtakingly unique poems I have ever read! It has this sort of...what's the word for it... abstract beauty that I love, and I think you did a great job. Your word choice, and metaphorical imagery ties together naturally as (quoting Llamahorse, because I couldn't say it better than that myself)
I couldn't find any spelling mistakes either.
But, there are a few thing(s) to improve on:
darwinian should be Darwinian.
And I noticed in the other reviews, people commented on the way you don't capitalize your Is. But I've read many poems that do this for artistic effect. So as far as I'm concerned that's not really a problem.
I read this aloud, and it didn't sound quite right. So either the 'to' on the second line should be 'and'. Or the comma on the first line should be a semi-colon.
Title suggestions: Ripple, Heart of Blue, The seas no one sees.
Overall, this poem was awesome! It captured my attention from the beginning, and held it all the way through, great job!
4 *s
Keep it up!
w&w
hi!
I like the way you show the complexity of your subject unraveling the words. But it is just strange to read it out loud. The first stanzas are short and brief, while the last ones are long and a little harder to understand.
Usually we pause at the end of each line but there are commas. So it is cut-up.
Another thing: Are you comparing your body to an aquarium or to an ocean, because although they are similar, they have different effects.
Hiya! I see you are fairly new! WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am LadyPuple and I will be your first review of the day!
I genuinely enjoyed this poem and found it very nice. 
lol. Keep up the good work!
I'd like to start off with this: I liked the imagery.
But I have just three tiny things to point out. You don't quite capitalize your "I"s very often. You see how I capitalize the "I" all the time when I'm talking about myself? That's what I'm talking about. Another thing was capitalization at the beginning of a new sentence.
Another, the capitalization of "darwinian". Since this is a name it should be, "Darwinian" capitalized like that. Capitalization seems to be the only problem you really have.
Otherwise, you're doing well with this whole writing thing
~LP
Whoops...I didn't meant to post that twice! Sorry!
Hiya! I see you are fairly new! WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am LadyPuple and I will be your first review of the day!
I genuinely enjoyed this poem and found it very nice. 
lol. Keep up the good work!
I'd like to start off with this: I liked the imagery.
But I have just three tiny things to point out. You don't quite capitalize your "I"s very often. You see how I capitalize the "I" all the time when I'm talking about myself? That's what I'm talking about. Another thing was capitalization at the beginning of a new sentence.
Another, the capitalization of "darwinian". Since this is a name it should be, "Darwinian" capitalized like that. Capitalization seems to be the only problem you really have.
Otherwise, you're doing well with this whole writing thing
~LP
hehe, i just accidentally posted a comment to my own poem and can't figure out how to delete it.
newbie alert. ;3