Morning Kiss

Hello smallfri,

This poem was very enjoyable. It wasn't one hundred perfect, but I personally had fun reading it and then reading it once again, trying to understand it better.

The set up of the poem - as with most other works of poetry - is what made this poem the most enjoyable. The one line stanzas were given a sense of importance and that was rectified by the follow up five line stanzas.

This poem was pretty original, something which made the work more interesting in my opinion. A lot of the time it can feel like poets only try to write about certain subject matters and ignore all the other subjects which could be interesting.

Now one thing which was a little bit annoying was the fact that the poem was a tad bit hard to understand on a first reading. This was partially my fault of course, as I should have a better, more well-rounded vocabulary, but it also made the poem feel choppy at times. My advice is that you should keep the terms common folks wouldn't understand in the poem, but you should also work on having a little bit of a better flow in the poem.

Overall, this was a written poem and one that was incredibly enjoyable to read and review!

Ben Dietz.

PS: Welcome to the Young Writers Society!

Hi,

Well some parts of this I would like to agree with dogs,
But most of it I enjoyed though some bits confusing me.

Firstly all, I would like to say welcome to YWS, I know it is hard to write and submit a piece when you have just joined, and I thought it was a really fantastic solid piece that I really liked, and I think you should continue writing as you definitely have a talent!

I know I really liked the story, as you used really awesome vocabulary that illustrates the point in the poem you are trying to make very well.

Some parts of it I did not really understand, but then again I am sure most people would!

I think the thing I really liked about it, was that it had a sense of originality to it that I like a lot, you used really interesting vocabulary that half of it I havn't heard of!

It was really cool I thought as this week, a lot of the poems I have been reviewing have been about the same thing or other, which trust me gets boring after a while, while yours it sort of, I don't know, inspired me to write something different. So thank you for your originality!

I know I should probably do nitpicking but I think dogs did a pretty good job of it!

Thanks for posting,

CM

Hey there Small fri! Dogs here with your review today . Ok so I read this piece over and I didn't fully get it so I had to read it over a couple times to really get the jist of your poem. It is fantastic, I really enjoyed reading it once I actually started understanding it. The language you were using made it a little bit hard to read but that's just using a higher vocabulary then most of the readers here on YWS, but I looked up all the words I didn't get and you placed the words in the sentence so that one could infer its meaning. Anywho this is a solid piece with minor touch ups needed.

So the first thing I noticed that made this difficult to read was the extreme choppiness of the writing. In many ways it adds to the poem but I think you might want to mix the choppiness with fluid writing that flows smoothly, you do a very good job of this for the most part but sometimes it is just too choppy. I also noticed you liked the use of "flesh" in this poem which is a reoccurring theme apparently, not totally sure what it means but I'll keep thinking about it.

I love the use of tentacles and vortex, especially in the last stanza. The "visceral vortex" is an absolutely fantastic line and I love it.

Although my absolute favorite part is where you put in the bit about "Hecate stitches a lullaby's hem" oh that is brilliant, props to you my friend... props to you. I love that.

I think this is defnitly a very strong piece with very tiny tiny things to do on it. I love it a lot and I wish you to keep on writing! Keep up the good work!!!



TuckEr EllsworTh