Sorry, I'm unsure if this will go through

I have not yet time to check for grammar so bit by bit will help.

So please could you just critque on my story?

Thankyou, well here it is!

I've also thought of two sequels and I'm sorry about the tournament name...

THE DRAMA, THE ACTION, THE SUSPENSE, THE EXCITEMENT!

This is the story of a legend to be. His name is Bruce Atma. Bruce has short black hair, he is well built, with serious hazel eyes and has a brother, called Jason. They live in Qusigana, a large planet that is half in the world we live, and the other is full of castles, and knights ruled by king Ben, a brave heroic man. This story begins after Bruce was mugged by a group of hoods, ninjas, assassins, hitmen, whatever you would like to call them. He is now going to a hotel one kilometer away from where he was mugged except nothing happened to him, it was the hoods that fell. He almost killed them, and he didn’t use his hands.

They were doing their usual, a few drinks of water and a bite to eat. It isn’t the most popular hotel in the street but the Atma Brothers think it is just perfect. They were talking, but stopped when a stranger walked into the bar. This man was well built, very well built, had a long black beard and had the meanest look on his face that the Atma brothers had ever seen (but it won’t be their last) any way he came in and looked straight at Bruce. ‘Bruce, my name is Aldren Sen, I have been watching you and have decided you should come into a fighting tournament. The biggest in this world held once every 100 years. My job is to find people like you and take them to this tournament. It is called “MORTAL COMBAT”. You will have faced nothing like this before. I f you win you will not only be crowned ‘Mortal Combat’ Champion but you may also have the respect, friendship and of course any special items you desire. As well as being one of the most powerful beings in the universe, you will be…….. a ruler. I suggest you come along with your brother, for moral support ONLY. Good luck, you will get the details soon. With that Aldren went out of the hotel door. Bruce followed to see what kind of car he drives but he didn’t see him anywhere and by hell Bruce Atma could see.

He got the details. He and his brother have boarded a ship to the great tournament. When they went inside they got their first shock, there were people made of rocks and fire coming out of their hands. Some had a few too may legs while otheres, could shield themselves with barrels of ice. They soon had the discomfort of finding out that there were not just humans on this boat, there were immortals, with special powers. Bruce had seen nothing like this before. They then went outside to get some fresh air. Then a piece of electricity struck the hand railing and was followed by another. ‘This is getting better and better’, Bruce muttered to himself. That was when they met a good friend. His name was Gian, the God of electricity. He was fairly slim with perfect long white hair and teeth and a look of nothing but happiness. He was now officially Bruce’s mentor and trainer. But first Gian had to tell Bruce and his brother the first bit of bad news. Once you were defeated in the later stages of the tournament, your opposition had a choice, whether to let you live or die.

When Bruce finally arrived at the Stadium he had a feast and started training at once. He exceeded all HIS levels of expectations. He then had to separate with his brother until the end of the tournament. Only to make another two friends. One was called Randy, a dark skinned boxer that can now kick, hard! And an 18 year old that is a karate superstar since the age of 15 called Andrew. They then had to get ready for the first round of MORTAL COMBAT. They then got their outfits, Bruce’s was a black leather one with lighting bolts and leather spikes covered his wrist to his elbow. He liked the new look. They were all now ready to fight, not just for the title but for their lives, the Ultimate bout.

It is round one, time for Bruce’s new friend Andrew. He was up against a man from Spain, a fine Martial Artist. This fight was entertaining with high kicks, low kicks, jabs, grabs, cuffs, the whole fight went for about ten minutes, a very long time for a bout. The man that told Bruce to join Mortal Combat was watching. He didn’t even flinch. Everyone else was out of their chairs screaming as Bruce’s friend, Andrew got the first victory for their group. The next victory for the group went to Randy with some astonishing blows. It is now finally Bruce’s first bout. He was against someone twice as tall as him and more muscular, from Germany. But size didn’t help the German as Bruce did a back-flip kick knocking the German out cold. The group were winning many fights but were still a distance from the finals.

It was then that Aldren Sen, Bruce’s messenger was talking to someone mysterious. The only sentence was “It is time…., to mix the weak mortals against the power of the immortals.”

It was now Andrews turn to fight once again. With Bruce and Randy in the audience supporting their friend. Andrew was finally afraid. He was not outnumbered with strength, speed, size, but with arms. This thing had four muscular arms coming out of his ribs. His skin was red, his forehead had markings and his name was simple, Jake. Andrew fought his best, missing power blows and dodging kicks. But he was still badly injured…. and losing. While Jake hadn’t even got himself scratched. Andrew was just about to fall down from the Stadium, when Jake ran and kicked him high into the sky. He hadn’t finished yet. He kept bashing him brutally. Andrew’s face was damaged so much you could hardly recognize him, then Jake let him go. Andrew was taken out of the Stadium on a stretcher and Jake went to the next round.

Bruce decided to do something, both bad and scary. He talked to Gian and then decided to go ahead. He needed power, special powers. So he went into the great forest to look for someone by the name of Ilger Fanbritka, also known as Wolfman. He hunted the forest and then he saw it, a wolf, normal sized jumped up and brought Bruce to the ground. Bruce got it off and swung it with a kick. It then surprisingly turned into a human. With what looked like two red patches on both sides of his face, not meeting up. ‘I am Bruce, from the tournament and I need powers’. ‘Powers hey?’, said Wolfman, ‘I’m not some sort of shop keeper that hands them out, you must find them inside yourself. I will tell you this, It’s all about believing in yourself and strength. That is the key, but of course you are Mortal. No Mortal has ever had powers’ With that Bruce left … to fight.

Randy managed to get to the next level luckily by fighting another Mortal from Australia. Then it was Bruce’s turn, he had to go against an Immortal. He wasn’t worried about fighting one as much as Randy was, Randy was terrified. ‘They may be Immortal’, said Bruce,’ but they can still get knocked out and lose. That’s why they call it Mortal Combat’. Bruce wasn’t worried until he found out what he was up against. This THING was a Dragon! with ghastly scales, actually everything about him was ghastly. Bruce was of course losing but trying his best. The dragon did a fire blast, that was when it was time, for Bruce to become who he was born to be, a champion. He knocked the fire blast out the way and said,’ TRON-JA-TAR-KA! and produced a powerful electric fire explosion right at his foes head knocking it out cold. He didn’t know how the words came out of his mouth, nor the projectile, he could only think of one word……… Destiny. He had made it to the next level. And then it was called, the main speakers blasted these words, “For the rest of the rounds the losers can be killed, if the opponent wishes it”

Bruce and Randy were wished good luck by their friend Andrew, who was recovering well in hospital. Randy then went into the next Round of the tournament. With not many Mortals left, a few dead even, Randy saw who he was up against , Jake, this fight Randy was determined to win. Still Bruce new he wouldn’t kill Jake. He watched in the audience, Randy’s most difficult fight yet. The first surprise was that Jake put his arms inside him, like a tortise and exchanged them for four fire whips. Randy was ready for the struggle. It was then that Bruce new, Jake thought this was a he needed to win, otherwise he’ll die.

The fight began and Jake was already winning with the advantage of his super powers, Randy had a tough time. He was beat, whipped, burnt, blasted but most importantly, he was still standing. Jake was doing hundreds of different moves. It was then that he plainly had enough. Managing to get Randy alongside a big rock he did one of the most powerful blasts this competition has seen so far. As the power blast came Randy yelled and punched it as hard as he could. The power blast knocked itself away and missed Randy. The bad bit was that Jake used it only as a diversion and used his whips to do a very powerful attack, knocking Randy out and getting Jake to the next level in the tournament. Bruce was getting out of his seat running right to the Stadium Battleground as Jake called it, he decided it was time… for Randy to die. Bruce couldn’t watch as he failed to get to the Stadium. He had lost a good friend.

He was then talking to his almost recovered friend Andrew, who was allowed to watch the fight on a secret channel on TV. At least Randy gave that Jake a run for his money’, said Andrew. ‘Mmm’, said Bruce. In the back of his mind he thought of something bad, very bad, he didn’t think Jake was trying at all, he thought he was playing, enjoying it and liked to kill. As they mourned someone they knew came in. Gian, the God of electricity told Bruce about the tournament. They were learning more things about it and found out that the person that won the last tournament did not have to fight until the final bout. Which means the grand final is only the pre-lim. ‘Excuse me’, said Bruce, ‘Do you know who the champion of the last tournament is?’ Gian answered, ‘I do, he is greater than he looks, one of the greatest fighters I have ever seen, and I’m a God. His name, is Aldren Sen and he is the one that brought you here. My fear is that he wants to kill you by the end of this tournament. He also gets stronger each day so remember he is 180 years old. They also found out the winner could do the honour of fighting in the great Godrail tournament. Against the great Gods. He also found out that when Aldren fought he didn’t make it past the first round, against Zeus. Although Bruce and Andrew were shocked they new it was time, for Bruce’s next fight. But there was one thing, Bruce thought of something when the GODRAIL tournament was mentioned. He still didn’t know what his destiny really was.

He went into the Stadium and found out this fighter looked just as human as he did, his name was Drex. The siren went, it was time to fight. Bruce did his usual back flips at the start of the fight but then Drex said his most common line, ’Come over here’. And then something, a cross between a snake and a dragon came out of the palm of his hand. He could fight. But just then Bruce went to a new level with his special powers. He held out his hands while he was getting hit and bitten and created a large spirit bomb, the size of a house and let it explode onto Drex. Everything just went black and white. Then out of the dust he saw him, Drex dropped to the ground. Bruce had made it to the next round of the tournament and said the one word, ‘ Live’.

He then managed to win fight after fight releasing more power, speed, strength and sense than he had ever used before and that was that, he finally did it. He made it to the first round of the Finals and both Gian and Andrew were watching him, proudly.

Bruce was this time against someone a cross between a human and a lion. With rippling muscles, sharp teeth and probably great powers. ‘This one’s going to be hard’, he said.

And he was right, this guy was strong, very strong. He had succeeded in not just using his powers to win fights. He had the moves. He then managed to get behind Bruce to pick him up and slam him to the ground. He then tried it agian. But nothing ever happens to Bruce twice. That’s why he managed to bring his leg past his own head and smashing it on Drex with astonishing speed. That surprised him, enough for Bruce to show off his kicks, from Gian’s training, with the help of some special fighters, Bruce managed to keep kicking Drex in the head many times while staying in the air. What Drex failed to realize was that Bruce’s hands were up. This fight then continued for another 20 minutes, it was too hard to tell who was in the lead, and to see them. They were fighting so hard, so fast they weren’t in the same spot for half a second and they were also in the air for a lot of the time. Not that they were flying but there giant leaps and powers allowed them too. Then he did something for Randy. His whole hand went white and he did a power punch right at his face knocking Drex straight through a boulder. The bigger surprise was that behind the boulder was Bruce’s special Spirit bomb, his most powerful blast yet. Everything again went black and white. The power was so strong the audience was pushed back. But Bruce didn’t flinch he just watched as he saw Drex drop to the ground knocked out cold. Bruce let Drex live and walked away to get ready for the semi-final.

Bruce was watching the scoreboard to see his next foe. And there it was, the name of his next rival- Jake. This time he was ready, for the kill, or die trying.

Andrew now watching in the audience, saw what everyone else saw. Bruce and Jake both standing in the stadium. But Jake had no arms or whips. ‘That was fun, killing your friend’, said Jake, ‘and guess what … your next! Then Jake got out four arms and then four whips the whips sort of went inside the arms, like a morph, making Jake even stronger. Bruce back-flipped at the start and Jake said ‘It’s the finals you dweeb, people study moves, your dead meat now’ and went to do his special back- flick when Bruce said’ I know, to study, now who’s dead meat’. So they fought. It was officially named the best fight of the tournament so far. They both went to new levels others haven’t seen before. Then Jake stopped and his markings on his head went yellow, and so did his arms. Bruce then new Jake was now at his greatest form. They fought until Jake did his most powerful attack FIE-RA-MAN-DA! As Bruce did his TRON-JA-TAR-KA!. They were both very powerful and met each other. Jakes was moving closer, both fighters extremely tiered. Then Bruce used his last ounce of energy letting out a scream as his blast went straight at Jake and burnt him alive. Jake’s next horror was to find Bruce traveling inside his blast letting out his almighty kick from his extra karate classes and kicked Jake back at least 80 metres. Jake then got up and was about to fire another blast. But just then he collapsed to the ground, burnt, exhausted, weak, beaten and most importantly defeated. Bruce had only two more fights to become ‘Mortal Combat’ champion but first he had to make a call. He thought of Randy and Andrew, face full of anger but then he thought of them again and said ‘Live’ and just like that he walked away, for a quick break, some training and another fight. It was then that he knew, somewhere deep down, he new he will fight Aldren Sen, Last tournaments great champion.

And he was right. He gave his next foe a run for his life. Using the TRON-JA-TAR-KA! And his spirit bomb. Although these two moves didn’t quite finish him off. Bruce back-flipped to him and did his almighty kick knocking his foe far. Bruce had finally made it, to the ground final of the tournament. Against the one that wants to kill him.

Aldren Sen was mad, very mad. ‘I’m fighting for the title against a mortal, a mortal what has happened to the great Mortal Combat? I can finish this pathetic fighter off easy. One week from now we shall fight and I shall reign champion once again. Victory is mine!

Meanwhile Bruce and Gian was walking into a forest surrounded by a few very big trees. ‘You will now finish your training by winning a fight against this creature. And out it came. It looked human from what Bruce could tell. Until it got out two razar sharp teeth. Bruce fought it. Showed the creature it’s almighty power and finished it off with his special karate kick. Bruce was definitely ‘stuffed’. But the creature got back up straight away. ‘This is a vampire Bruce, you can only kill it with one of these’, and then Gian gave him a wooden stake. Bruce did finally kill it. It writhered as the stake was shoved through his heart. Then about another twenty vampires came out of the woods. The only trouble was the wooden stake burnt apart when it killed the vampire. ‘Use you eyes’, said Gian, ‘There are trees all around here, big ones, so make the stakes’. ‘While fighting?’, said Bruce. ‘Yes’.

So he did and then he finally finished them off, all of them. ‘You are finally ready’, said Gian, ‘To fight against Aldren Sen! Good luck, you’ll need it!’

Word has got in that someone tried to shoot down Bruce’s brother. Luckily he survived and is recovering in hospital. Only Bruce knew who would do such a thing, Aldren. He just new it, as two days before he went into the ‘Mortal Combat Castle’ and saw the torment Aldren was giving Jake after losing to Bruce. It was time for revenge, time to die!

And so the battle was about to take place. The bell was rung, it was time for the almighty battle, for the title. They both fought very well. Using there powers, speed, strength and moves. Bruce was dodging many blows. Then Aldren flew up high and created a wave, a big one. It covered half the stadium and was about 20 metres high. But this wave wasn’t made from water, but from burning acid. It came but Bruce made a barrier, still weakening himself. Then it was all Aldren Sen’s fight. Bruce was badly gashed and beaten. But was still standing. Aldren created a powerful ball and got Bruce straight in the head. Bruce fell but got straight up. ‘No!’, he said, ‘I believe now, my destiny is to win this tournament and there is nothing you can do about it Aldren, you’re a gonna! Aldren did this amazing gymnastical flippy aerodynamic kick. Bruce just stood there, blocked the kick and knocked him away. Bruce continued to win. Aldren nearly collapsed but got out some revival pills and a gun. He took two shots. Bruce dodged both of them and then both the gun and the pills disappeared. Then out came a man and a woman. Both gods.

‘We are known as the laws, You should die for what you did Aldren you should be ashamed of yourself, cheating in one of the most important tournaments ever’, They looked at Bruce, ‘ On the other hand no mortal has ever had powers. That was banished 60 million years ago when the mortals came to be. Your fates shall be decided as it always should be.

Through Mortal Combat.

Fight!.

As they disappeared Bruce and Aldren started fighting again, For another 5 minutes. Bruce leapt onto Aldrens most powerful blow, standing on it. Aldren, completely Gob smacked, Bruce finished him off with his almighty karate kick sending Aldren to nowhere but the ground. Bruce finally won, the Mortal Combat tournament. He watched Aldren disappear, into the depths of the Laws world. He then said goodbye to Gian and Andrew. He then went back home with his brother, for a well earned break.

And they did go home. Bruce was know hiding special secrets, that there are immortals, that there are gods and that he was the best fighter in the world. (Or is he?)

The bad thing about this is that this aint the happy ending. This story is far from over. They now have got problems of there own. And I don’t think Bruce’s fighting techniques can help him.

Bruce and his brother got a message from their good friend, King Ben. He rules the older lands of their country. They went on their horses and rode hard. Straight away they found out what the problem was. King Ben needed them to recover an ancient sword to stop the knights from kicking Ben off the throne. So off they went. Into what looked like a big cave, covered with green and muck. They looked high and low for it. And just like that. They found where it was buried. They dug it up and finally they could see it. Bruce pulled it but it wouldn’t come out. Then the cave rattled. ‘Umm…, Jason, my good brother. Your smart, what the hell is going on?, said Bruce. ‘It’s worse than I feared’, said Jason as a big creature came out ‘It is a Balrog, an ancient fiery creature from the Underworld, I can’t think of anything more dangerous. ‘That’s alright, you’ve seen what I have done, I’ll just give it a spirit bomb, said Bruce. ‘No’, replied Jason, ‘You’ll just end up dead’. ‘So what do you suggest we should do, asked Bruce. Jason looked at the ground, and then at the Balrog almost reaching them ‘RUN’. So they did. They sprinted off, but it was no use as the Balrog whipped them back. It was now a fight. Of immortal combat, their in trouble!

Jason went straight for it, jumping into his arm and attacking him. The Balrog showed no fear whatsoever. It was an impossible fight. Jason just then remembered the Balrog will die if stabbed with that sword. Lucky for them they knew where it was. Bruce pulled but it wouldn’t come out. With incredible speed they switched places. Bruce’s fighting well against the creature. Jason used all his strength to release the sword. Nothing, it was hopeless. He saw his brother, a centimetre away from death. Jason tugged and pulled out the sword, threw it at Bruce, Bruce caught it, stabbed the Balrog. Then they saw something they thought they would never see. The Balrog die, before them. They rode hard to King Ben.

But what they saw next was even worse. The whole entire castle was being attacked by ancient devils and monsters. The Atma brothers feared they unlocked them to their own world when they released the sword. They were about to run, the whole swamp of innocent people. Though King Ben decided to fight. By what looked a bit like Jake he saw Bruce holding up the sword. The demon could tell by the stone in the middle. Bruce tried to dodge him but it slashed the sword out of his hand. Bruce kept on riding and gave King Ben the REAL sword, not the one that Bruce had of his own when he put a stone in the middle for a diversion. But hundreds of knights and soldiers were getting killed. They all fought bravely, Bruce and Jason was at them using Jason’s strength and Bruce’s power. King Ben wielded his sword. They were getting demolished. Bruce was up against two huge creatures. Jason just finished off a demon, called pinhead. ‘Jason’, said King Ben, ‘Take this sword back, your are our last hope’. Jason rode off into the light.

Jason knew he had to ride fast. A hundred knights were killed every precious minute. He dodged deadly attacks. He continued riding until he saw where the sword had to go. He got off his horse only to realize he wasn’t the only one getting off a horse. A dark knight with orange armour hopped off his steed. He had a gap in his armour so his eyes could see although Jason, with greater sight than his brother could not see them. The gap just showed pitch black. The knight drew his sword, as Jason held his sword into combat position. ‘You must not replace the sword back to the stone’, said the knight, ‘not until he comes’.

‘Ohhh’, said Jason, ‘Well don’t worry. Me and me Brother kicked his ass a little while ago, yeah when you think about it he, or she, wasn’t that hard. I mean near this hotel of mine there’s this kid that likes to play these handheld electronic games and small trucks. I think he could kick that Balrog’s ass as well. The knight laughed ‘I am not talking about the Balrog’. That was enough for Jason. He didn’t want find out what that knight meant. He swung at him missing by a metre! The knight was just waisting time. He used all his strength and lunged straight at the knight. The knight simply moved to the left. Staying clear of the sword. That was why Jason grinned. He landed perfectly, putting the sword into it’s original holster. All the monsters and demons was sucked back into the underground waiting for the sword to be pulled once more. Except the knight was still standing. With the knight using his tremendous speed he let go of his sword, lunged at Jason and started punching the life out of him. That was when a dark figure rose from the stones with a peaceful atmosphere. ‘Oy Tinman, why don’t you and all your recycled coke cans come over here and pick on someone your own size’.

Thirty seconds later the Atma brothers rode off, leaving the dead knight in the stones, to find out King Ben was all ok and all of the knights on his half of the world had befriended him again. Jason thought to himself quietly, there was something strange about that knight. When Bruce finished the knight off he was killed, but there was an instinct somewhere at the back of Jason’s head that, he wasn’t.

Meanwhile-

A Knight in orange plating walked into a room and said two words, ‘He’s ready’.