Published September 13, 2007
(Lucky)
"Charlie why did I come to this old house with you? Don't roll your eyes at me. What is it that we have to do?
The rain is lashing at the windows and the floor creaks loudly beneath our feet.
What do you expect to find? Or better yet expect to meet.
(Charlie)
It's a mystery aeons old.
It's a secret that can never be told.
But I must find out the truth.
We have got to search for clues.
(Lucky)
Alright I am happy to help you out.
But first my friend, tell me what is this mystery about?
(Charlie)
You remember all the stories the older folks have told.
About a map leading to a treasure, made up of jewels and gold.
Well I found the map and now all we must do, is find the treasure.
Come on, let's look for clues.
Charlie's friend Lucky was intrigued now and agreed to help her search.
Though when they tried to walk up the stairs, they met a tall, thin, pale figure, that looked like the Addams Families butler Lurch.
Lucky let out a scream. But Charlie stared at the haunting person in shock.
Her friend pulled her backwards and they both jumped when they bumped into the old grandfather clock.
The clock chimed loudly that it was ten thirteen.
Both girls looked back at the stairs, the figure had disappeared in a glowing mist of green.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
Is it a duet? I think you better finish it soon, it reminds me of Scooby-Doo. It looks good so far.
I get the feeling that you haven't quite finished this but what you have so far is nice. Maybe tidy it up a little -
(Lucky)
"Charlie. Why did you talk me in to coming to this spooky old house with you?" [Perhaps a new line here?] Don't roll your eyes at me. What is it that we have to do?
It's pouring rain outside and the floor is creaking under our feet. [This could be smoother and more descriptive. Maybe something like 'The rain lashes at those windows and the floor creeks beneath our feet.']
What do you expect to find? Or better yet expect to meet.
(Charlie)
It's a mystery of age old.
It's a secret that can't be told. [Maybe -
'It's a mystery that's aeons old,
a secret never to be told.']
But I must find out the truth.
We have got to search for clues.
Generally, it's good so far.
erm, i am not really sure if this is long enough to be a song.
but the lyrics was ok, i think.