Kicking the habit

by skwmusic
  • June 25, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Romantic · Lyrical
  • Love poems
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I've loved you,
I've hated you,
You've been my life.

Did you ruin it?
Did I ruin it by finding you?
Perhaps such a radical view is unhealthy,
after all is there not more to life?

So the effects are waning,
like the sun pulling back shadows on a cold moon.
My blood has settled,
my mind clear,
they say I'm healed, and I believe them
-I think.

Still, what an adventure it was!
I almost regret having reached the end.

The addiction,
the break outs,
the withdrawal,
the relapses,

and yet that one good high,
makes it all seem like it was worth it.
And even today,
your needle tempts me.

I stop.
Tell myself that,
"don't",
and I obey.
Much like the brain tells the heart,
"beat",
and the heart beats,
whether it wants to or not.
Comments & reviews · 3
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Gardevite
Review
Gardevite wrote a review · Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:47 pm

Hey there! Hightop here for your third review day review!

I loved the raw emotion in this poem. You seem almost angry at yourself for even thinking of reverting back to, what I'm assuming is drugs, but there is also a deep sense of longing in the way you speak. It's a rolling contradiction that grabs the essence of what your saying!

You spelling, grammar and structure was fine.

One thing for me to nit-pick at. Your flow was a little choppy, for lack lack of a better word. Some of the words seemed a bit out if place, and one or two if your lines seemed to long to fit in with the others. The flow if a poem is so important because it keeps us readers interested.

All in all well done on this poem. It was nice to read, and I hope you kick the habit for good!

User avatar
wordsandwishes
Review
wordsandwishes wrote a review · Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:29 am

GOOD STUFF
1. Your emotion
2. Your complex meaning
3. Your metaphorical word choice
4. Spelling and grammar
5. Pretty much the entire poem
BAD STUFF
1. Your flow was a bit hard to follow

Overall a very good piece, I really enjoyed it!
My rating: 9.9/10

Keep it up!

w&w

User avatar
Ardor
Review
Ardor wrote a review · Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:01 am

Good morning. I am 567ajt, here for your review.

I came across this piece almost by accident, but I am glad that I found it. It's a great piece, and is incredibly emotional. I can actually empathise with the narrator of the piece at a certain time in my life, so I can really relate.

I wasn't, to be honest, fond of your first stanza. I thought it started a bit cliche and that whole "I loved you but I hated you" gimmick was a bit unoriginal.

However, the rest of your stanzas are great. I love how you describe the effects as "waning", and I can actually feel for you. I also love your use of metaphors and similes. I am very much in love with your writing style, which is evident in The Ride too. In fact, I should get to reviewing it sometime. Another thing I noticed was how you described love as an addiction, as well as the after effects of it. It seems that you are either using a needle as a metaphor for the lover, or a lover as a metaphor for the needle. Therefore, you have a complex meaning. It works.

Great work.

8/10



Journeys end in lovers' meeting.
— William Shakespeare