I see you in my dreams, so happy so free. How can that be when we are holding hands? Me and you. You and me together at last? This was it. The last chance I had to let it all go, turn on the waterworks and actually cry from my soul, gone. To relief myself from this impossibility and finally accept that no matter what I see in my sleep, no matter what lies behind my eyelids, I can never be with you. She’s selfish. I’m selfish. You’re selfish- I mean perfect. Are you?
I see you in my dreams. And I’m not crying. I’m happy and free. I’m alive in you, your presence fills me with joy beyond measure. You touch me for the first time, taking my hand like its precious glass. Your lips press on my knuckles and my heart stops beating. You move your way up my arm, gently kissing my skin like candy. Never once do I feel uncomfortable. This is what I wanted. The smell of you is strong now, the kind of scent you can only appreciate with your eyes closed. And then…there’s nothing sexier than a man kissing a woman’s neck. It’s like at that moment, she looses all control. I lose all control.
I see you in my dreams but dreams are so far away. When I wake up you don’t see me anymore. Even when I cry, you don’t see me anymore. You have your own things to do; your own girls to woe. It’s worse than I ever imagined. My nightmare has come true. You not only don’t love me, but we’re not friends anymore. Our conversations are meaningless. When I look into your eyes I can’t find that place where I can rest and be myself and tell you my fears and secrets. That place I can be with you and talk for hours without exchanging words, to cry in each other’s arms when the world turns its back on us. That place- where we encourage one another to be strong and promise to never leave no matter what- is gone. Vanished. Not replaced, not hiding. It’s completely gone. And I’m left alone in the universe.
I see you in my dreams. There’s nothing between us. No space, no air, no rules, no hate, no guys, no girls, no worry, no confusion, no lies, no tears. Just you and me. Together. Holding hands, holding hearts. Sharing one life, sharing the same soul. Our hands support each other. Nothing will separate them.
So why do I cry? Why? Nothing was as it was. It was all a lie. We can never be. We can’t be holding hands and we can’t be happy. Why don’t we just start from the beginning and forget about each other for good. It’s easier this way.
I don’t see you in my dreams anymore. I see fluffy white sheep, late night snacks, never ending staircases or whatever dreams are made of. The assembly line ran out of you. Like you ran out on me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKayy well this is a very interesting start. We've got what seems like something of a wholesome scene mixing in with a very prominent idea that all of this is some sort of dream and in reality this whole situation is much more along the lines of a somewhat sad sort of memory. It an interesting little combination and it certainly catches your attention quite well here. Its a pretty solid start. Let's see where this takes us.
Hmm it seems this dual sort of reality theme continues throughout here, and we get the feeling the protagonist here is trying to make sense of this just as much as the reader is. Its an interesting effect to go for and I think it works very well so far with the sort of imagery you're working with. Let's see how this closes off here.
Ohh well the ending there seems to explain a little bit. It appears this is something from the past this person has an oddly fond remembrance of despite what seems like a fairly painful connection there towards the end. Well, that does wrap this up quite neatly I think. You've done a pretty solid job with this piece.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Basically I love this. <3 I thought you described everything really well... you just grabbed me. =]
I liked it. It seemed to flow really well. When you used the imagery and descriptions, it really pulled me in. The thing like where you said, "You kissed me as if I were candy" or something like that; That was really good. Your writing was also kinda poetic, or so it seemed to me. Keep up the writing you are pretty good at it. And remember the best way to grab someone's attention is to an inciting force. If the first of the story pulls them, then they will most likely finish it even if it gets bad. But overall I would give a an "A".
Keep it up Girl!!!
I enjoyed it. But it was just a little lacking. It never really made me feel what the person was saying, never made me want to feel what she was feeling. There was emotion in it, but never enough for me to share with the person writing this. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but I think it could have been so much better.
I agree with Liz and Mattie. It was really good and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
The title really caught my eye...something some crazy person would admit.
We all have weird dreams...especailly myself. LOL This was good, a good story for something that should be expanded on. Get to know the character and outline a little bit more. My favorite part was:
I see you in my dreams but dreams are so far away. When I wake up you don’t see me anymore. Even when I cry, you don’t see me anymore. You have your own things to do; your own girls to woe. It’s worse than I ever imagined. My nightmare has come true. You not only don’t love me, but we’re not friends anymore. Our conversations are meaningless. When I look into your eyes I can’t find that place where I can rest and be myself and tell you my fears and secrets. That place I can be with you and talk for hours without exchanging words, to cry in each other’s arms when the world turns its back on us. That place- where we encourage one another to be strong and promise to never leave no matter what- is gone. Vanished. Not replaced, not hiding. It’s completely gone. And I’m left alone in the universe.
I think that was the best part if not all of the paragraphs. Very good job. Keep it up!
I like this, but I think it could be even better if you expanded on it and worked it into a story. It's not the most original of ideas - seeing a past lover in dreams, but there are a few parts in here which shows that it could be a really interesting short story. Good job.