Published April 24, 2011
Satin sheen,
Soft green, gleaming,
Rumpled from the hours
I lay here, still,
And watch the sunlight's patterns,
Dancing,
On the window sill;
A distraction.
Must keep from thinking,
Becoming absorbed again.
‘Live for the moment’,
They say.
But who are they?
Those with such ability
As to ignore the thoughts
That consume from within.
Nerves transforming,
Becoming more.
Butterflies, now moths,
Eating,
Eating away inside and
Threatening to unravel
The fabric of my composure.
How can I live in the moment,
When all I see
Are pretty patterns,
Dancing,
On the window sill?
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140,592 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
Hello there,
I really like the serenity of this. I can get an image from this which is always positive when it comes to writing! Everything about this is calm and beautiful and I love the beautiful description in this that was used to create a really nice vibe from the poem itself. I also like the length as it is just enough to make the reader want to hear more without over whelming every one with huge bulks of text. One small thing I didn't understand was how the title (which was very good) related to the actual poem. Apart from that though I had no issues with it at all!
From CuteJackRussell
Hi there Siobhan. Lavvi here to review your poem for you today.
So, I'm going to focus on punctuation. The thing is that you're doing it, just not placing everything correctly. For example, at the end of a stanza, usually there's a period where in some cases you've placed a comma. That's your big problem and it can be fixed. However, it might alter the rest of your poem, so you'll have to go through that as well.
Yours,
Lavvi
@dante93 thank you! Much appreciated
This poem was great. I know some people will say that description is vague as above, but I felt the meaning, and understood it perfectly. Not all poetry is about detail. This was well executed. It was, in fact, a great piece that I enjoyed. Keep writing.
Thanks very much! I understand what you mean about the detail. It is a little vague. Specificity is something I need to work on.
Thanks again
Gorgeous Poem, Loved The Structure And The References/Descriptions, Good Posing The Question "But Who Are They?" Really Makes You Think, Only Small Thing Would Be Just A Little More Detail Needed, Though All In All I Reckon It's A Beautiful Poem