Hey, sinistercutlass! Happy Review Day!
Well, onto...
#000000 "> The Review!
#004000 ">Plot
Spoiler! :
#004000 "> I read down below where this a a fanfic of a movie. I personally haven't seen said movie, so I'm just going to read this as if it were a regular old story most likely.
You've done a great job with your first paragraph! It really grasped me, and made me want to read more.
Ew, caviar. So far I really love your description and unique word choice. It makes the story interesting to read, and easy to picture.
This mask seems really interesting. I'll be anxious to learn more about it. I like how Tina mentioned the "placebo effect". It's a interesting idea, and it really makes me wonder about Stanely, and who he is. He seems dead-bent on impressing Tina, even if he may not have the money. Which in turn makes me wonder two more things; Why is Tina so special to Stanely, and If Stanely is this guy with a mask that almost sounds superhero-like, how does he not have money. This first chapter leaves me with lots of questions actually, which is good since it makes me want to read on and learn more about these things. So, good job with this!
You've done a great job with your first paragraph! It really grasped me, and made me want to read more.
Ew, caviar. So far I really love your description and unique word choice. It makes the story interesting to read, and easy to picture.
This mask seems really interesting. I'll be anxious to learn more about it. I like how Tina mentioned the "placebo effect". It's a interesting idea, and it really makes me wonder about Stanely, and who he is. He seems dead-bent on impressing Tina, even if he may not have the money. Which in turn makes me wonder two more things; Why is Tina so special to Stanely, and If Stanely is this guy with a mask that almost sounds superhero-like, how does he not have money. This first chapter leaves me with lots of questions actually, which is good since it makes me want to read on and learn more about these things. So, good job with this!
#FF0000 ">Characters
Spoiler! :
#FF0000 "> Well, you've done a pretty good job with your characters in this chapter! You've introduced them well, and have set a personality for them both. You also have managed to have readers establish a connection with both characters (or at least I did) So, great job with this too!
#800080 ">Other
Spoiler! :
#800080 "> N/A
#000080 ">Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences
Spoiler! :
#000080 "> I really like your unique word choice, but I did notice that I got a bit confused by it a couple times. It was probably just me, but I thought I'd put it out there. Here's an example of one of the ones that tripped me up~
The word "affected" was what threw me off. But upon re-reading the sentence, I understood it. So it was most likely me.
He affected a ridiculous French accent. "But finally, I conquered ze dish!"
The word "affected" was what threw me off. But upon re-reading the sentence, I understood it. So it was most likely me.
Well, have a great day!
~Myth
Points: 240
Reviews: 101
Donate