Streetlamps burn baldly
Tall, gabled roofs reach dark heights
There's smell of wood smoke
Whorls of whistling leaves
Warm dinner seen through glass and
Twinkling fairy lights
Now I study math
Triple integrals galore
Have I now ruin'd th'poem?
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138,859 Literary Works • 672,350 Reviews
You painted a nice picture in the first two stanzas of the poem. I like the way you ended it by asking if you ruined the poem, I got a laugh out of that. I think a lot of people can relate to this poem because we've all had monday night where we have to do homework.
I think the poem could have been a little longer, and that's about the only criticism I have. Good job!
I like the description, it gives you the full picture. It almost feels like I'm there and that is what a good description is supposed to do. I wish there was a bit about longing for Friday evening since that is when I end school.
Hey, sinister..
No,definitely you haven't ruined the poem. It is the beauty of your poem. Your poem silently speaks of the sufferings of the students who are carrying the loads of books, math, science..You have, here, spoken for those ill-fated students.
First, the title is awesome. When you start to read the poem after the title, you find a connection between them. The two go along well.
The lines are good. The first one is able to attract the attention of the reader. And then the others slowly slowly open an image of a night to the reader. I could see it before my eyes..
Ok, maybe it is my problem..but I didn't really get much of a rhythm there..It's alright to write a poem like this. But I would have liked rhythm in at least two or four lines.
Anyway, it is indeed a great poem. It should be written on the pages of history to show the world what sacrifices we, the ill-fated students, make just "study".
I'm glad you feel I spoke for you. I was hoping the poem would be relate-able.
I'm glad you like the title. I myself didn't think it was that special, but OK.
Yeah, I know there really isn't a rhythm. I was never taught the different rhythms of poetry, so I'm pretty clueless when it comes to constructing a poem. I know how to do a haiku - that's about it. So I just did 3 haikus in a row. I wanted only to describe the night outside my window in an immersive way. And then I thought of a humorous way to end it.
Thanks again for your review.
Just read more poems and you can even read lyrics...I think you will get some ideas on rhythms. I think, rhythms are important when it comes to lyrics and poems.
Clever! I really liked the last line and your descriptions are almost John Keats like, if you know what I mean!
Oooh, like John Keats? I haven't read anything by him (I'm not usually a poetry reader... or writer), but I sense that I should feel flattered
Absolutely, Keats is one of a kind!