Young Writers Society

When I read this, I kind of get the feeling of the vine "Hey, how you doing? Well, I'm doing just fine, I lied, I'm dyin' inside." I dunno. I like this piece. It's sarcastic and is kind of like manically laughing and then it turns into sobbing.

Good job! That's what I'm trying to say.

I really like how you tied in dr.suess writing style in your writing

It liked this!

The energy that this poem has is wild. I could hear all the screaming in my head. Like I said, the energy is really wild. It almost has the same feel as like an announcer for a circus freak show? Trust me, I know that sounds weird. Kinda like a “step right up for the depression show!” type thing.

But it is creative and a real way some people do cope with depression. I know I never stop making jokes about it, haha.

-Nyk

Creativity and uniqueness is so important in poetry and I really enjoyed how it modeled like Dr. Seuus work. It did what Dr. Seuss and others do by adding pep/ symbolizing depression. I really enjoyed the "Im dying" crying, and "shout bots." By using capital letters it added a bit of pep to it which sounded and flowed really well. Overall really good, if I had to suggest anything I would say that the end is a little abrupt.

hello, it's yellow!

this was a very interesting poem! i really do like the rhyme scheme that you have within every other line, i definitely think that that was pretty nice and definitely gives that dr. seuss kind of style that you can see in satirical poetry. i also think that your approach in which you wrote this is very different and unique, so kudos to you in that regard!

while i think that this is a good poem, you have so much potential to take it up to the next level. i really do think that you get the general message across of the media romanticizing depression, but i definitely think that you can delve in further and explore this idea even more. you use lingo like "shout bouts" and "'i'm dying' crying.' to you, as the writer, what do they mean? this is a mental disorder and there will be people that don't have it, so as the writer, ask yourself these questions as if you were in the perspective of the reader. what does the reader want to know what you're writing about? with that, when you convey your message even further, paint a vivid word picture. i always say that a musician's tool is his voice and an artist's tool is his paintbrush, but a writer's tool is his words. you have an unlimited access to millions upon millions of words that can describe anything! you just need to know where to start.

once again, i really like what you have! although, like with everything else, there is always room from improvement. i hope to see and read more of your work!

-yellow

I really like it. Very easy to read, and the rhythm is perfect. It's funny how it describes depression really effectively through the fun style. In some ways, it's better than darker descriptions.

Hi silverquill12,

Delirium Nervosa here to leave a review for you. I actually found this piece quite engaging! I think I enjoyed it because you took such a serious and important issue and conveyed the message in a humorous yet meaningful way! Your rhythm is great and your use of capitals to emphasis the impact of those lines is well done! This is definitely some great writing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

-Delirium Nervosa