Published May 31, 2011
Waves crash around me,
Stranded alone on a little boat,
Drenching me in cold clarity.
Thunder, booming high above,
Tendrils of mist reaching out,
Lightning, slicing through the fog.
I set out on this journey
To search for what I never had,
That lucid, elusive epiphany.
That one bright, shining moment,
When the clouds seem to part
And the world rights its alignment.
But alas! I am lost amidst a sea of people,
The lighthouse's beacon never reaches me,
And I am left in a dazed muddle.
I am incomplete.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,722 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Great poem! I particularly enjoyed the imagery you use. You have some really killer lines, particularly the last line of each of the stanzas. For example, I loved the lines:
and and best of allThat being said, the first two lines of each stanza seem a little weak in comparison. My primary suggestion would be to beef up those lines so that they are not overshadowed. Also that should help flow
The topic is a little cliche, which is by no means a bad thing, but it means that your imagery needs to be that much more innovative, that way your poem has its own spin. For the most part you accomplished that, but it is spmething to keep in mind if your reveiwing, or just looking over it a second time.
Hopefully my critics are remotely helpful. I really enjoyed this poem; it had a great feel to it. Anyhoo, keep up all the good writing, and good job!
The imagery was quite capturing and I could imagine the sea which this person was stuck in. I could imagine the click of which you speak of. I love the flow of it and the content. I can't find any mistakes so good job!
Hi,
This was lovely. The imagery was great and it really engages the senses. I love the alliteration of "cold clarity", and "tendrils of mist" is great. I love the internal rhyme of "lucid, elusive". You use language very well. The last line is very effective, especially in its isolation.
I'd change "one bright, shining moment" to something more specific and vivid.
Hope this helps,
Feel free to p.m me if you have any questions.
Jas