This is Goodbye

She stands in the tentative spring, hair floating behind her in the gentle wind and her dog circling her feet. She wears a powder blue sundress with forget-me-nots that comes midway to her knees and those baby blue cowboy boots. Her father had gotten the dress for her for Easter. I think he wanted her to be his little girl for just a little while longer. And it would’ve looked silly on any other girl, but on her it was perfect somehow. To me, we’d always be that young. We’d always be kids. She holds her suitcase in front of her with both hands and the corners of her mouth turn up in this sad little smile. I could’ve cried.

“Well,” I say, my voice cracking. “This is goodbye, I guess.”

The four of us stand with our backs to the porch and she stands on the bottom step, facing us. Max shadows the doorway, one hand leaning on the frame. At the exact same time, Eric, Mick, and I lean forward and kiss her on the cheek, then pull back grinning. She laughs, lighting up like stars. Becca shakes her head at us.

“Don’t worry.” Eric tells her. “I’m sure Mick will plant a good one on you if you ask him to.”

Becca’s eyes twinkle and she smiles slightly. Mick turns various shades of red. Then a car horn sounds somewhere far away and we’re pulled back out of the moment.

“I guess I’d better go.” Shiloh says softly.

I swallow back something hard and sour at the back of my throat.

Becca smiles at her and gives her a hug.

“Well, I couldn’t have asked for a better roommate. It’s gonna be lonely here with just the boys, you know. You’d better come back and visit soon, or I just might go crazy.”

Shiloh nods.
“I will.”

Mick throws a scrawny arm around her shoulders in a half hug and Eric ruffles the top of her head.

“Keep good on that promise, alright?” Eric says. “We’ll hold you to it.”

“Yeah,” Mick adds in with a grin. “I know you and Jack can’t stay apart for long. Lovebirds never can.”

I throw a glare at Mick.

“Yeah, yeah,well maybe you guys can give these two lovebirds a moment or two.”

Eric and Mick whistle at us, but they all go inside anyway, and I’m left alone with a girl with a suitcase. Her light brown hair fans out behind her and turns golden when spots of sunlight peek through the strands. I give a deep sigh.

“This is goodbye, I guess.” She echoes me.

I don’t say anything, just move forward and hug her hard. I pull back.

A million different phrases hang above me and I try to pull them down, but the words break apart and rearrange themselves, dancing just out of reach. But maybe she knows.