Published April 20, 2011
Okay, this isn't that great, but that's why it's up here. I know it's really rough around the edges, so please review!
Just Listen
If I could speak to you for just one minute, I'd appreciate it.
If I could take up just a second of your time, that'd be great.
Maybe if you could just stop and listen for a bit, I might make a difference.
Could you stop...for just a moment... please?
Hell, screw this.
You LISTEN to what I have to say, 'cause this world isn't going anywhere good.
Turn your TV off, take out your earbuds, and you listen well and listen hard.
I have a voice.
I have something to say.
For just once, you'll listen.
Just shut up for a second. Listen to me.
I have a hell of a lot to say.
Life is short, so you've got to appreciate me.
If you'd just listen, I could do incredible things for you.
If you'd listen, I could tell you what's right and what's wrong.
I could tell you if there's a God up there.
I could tell you what you need to do with your life.
Hell, I can even tell you how to write a poem if you'd just pay attention.
That's the problem with you people nowadays- you never listen.
At least you don't listen to what really matters.
I have so much to say to you, and you sit there and ignore me.
Be thankful you were blessed with me.
Don't take advantage of my presence.
I think I've made it pretty clear who I am.
If you don't get it, you haven't listened.
Sorry, I'm only saying this once.
Oh, and one last thing before I leave-
Listen NOW. Listen now before it's too late.
It's not that hard, just listen.
From your dear friend,
You.
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140,252 Literary Works • 673,073 Reviews
i am with the last reviewers . it's repetitive and got no aim in the end.........
but keep up, show us more
I do think that the poem is a bit repetitive and like the last reviewer, I did wait for some important revelation at the end. But it didn't have that. So some suggestions:
1. Cut out some stanzas, it's a bit too repetitive.
2. Put a message or something in at the end.
That's all. Other than those two points, there's nothing wrong with it.
I kept reading and wondered fi you were going to say something important...just telling me to listen but I listened and didn't get anything from ti. THe first 3 stanzas are repetitive.
I didn't get the point of this poem but that people should listen.
The poem is more of a rant than anything else. There's nothing really wrong with that either.
There is, however, a lot of repetition; which could be trimmed down. The first three stanzas pretty much say the same thing, "Hey, I've got something to say, listen to me." If you can combine elements of the first three stanzas into a single stanza, then you'll get three times the punch.
This is weak somehow. Instead of putting "If you'd just listen," at the beginning of everything, why not have it in the end, something like:
It makes the sentence more active and carries on the boo-yeah tone established in the first stanza.
Again, compressing these stanzas into a single stanza will reduce repetition and make it more powerful.
Rants aren't very good in and of themselves, because they are complaining beyond what is necessary. By removing the repetition, it changes the poem from an angry rant to a powerful complaint. The difference is that people tune out rants; they don't tune out a powerful complaint.