Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Straight-forward, not subtle, not metaphorical, no particularly interesting words or descriptions. Ordinary.
Hello there, Eddie!
Overall
When I read this poem, I immediately realized it wasn't a poem that you usually wrote (not that I stalk all your poetry or anything, Eddie). It was a new kind of style, and wording, almost, and I liked it. One valid point pointed out before me is the fact that this poem jumps around a lot. I found myself stumbling over a few lines, and some stanzas truly didn't seem to fit there.
However, you had a very nice way of painting this scene in my head with this poem; and I praise you for that. I also was wonderfully surprised at the grammar & punctuation - you did very well there, as well. I also quite liked the ending of the poem. Just one more thing: the way you would switch from "I am" to "he is" and such was a bit confusing, but I understood it and excepted it as part of the poem's style.
Bravo, Eddie.
I understand that.
What I ment was, you just say 'his footsteps' [house]' then you jump to 'dog'.
I didn't mean perspective, like you just need to go in one direction.
Edit:
Overall, it was good, but could use editing and improvement.
Spoiler
Hello,
as others mentioned above, you don't have a set topic. Its a bit confusing because you jump from one thing to a next. From a house to dog, which is it. You say 'he' & 'i', poems should stay one topic . it has lots of ideas, maybe you need to narrow down & go in one direction.
I hope I made sense and helped.
-Midnight
Spoiler
And thank you for the reviews.
hello.
personally, i find that you don't have a certain topic in your poem, it jumps from one thought to another. maybe you have to stick to one idea, like the house for example, or him, whoever he is, or you. i don't know, because i can't quite understand your poem. though, you know well how to play with words.
maybe you just need a certain direction, like knowing where your words will go, and then arrange them into lines. this poem has a lot of ideas, i can see that, and i think it's not quite well to fit them into several stanzas.
hope i made sense. keep writing.
Hey! I put it through spell check and there was nothing wrong
but I think you might have used the wrong words in some places
That's all I noticed. It's a pretty poem, although I have no idea what it's about (not that that has to be a problem). Oh, the only other thing is the title; I don't understand how it relates to the poem, and I'm not sure that I'm a fan of speech marks in the title, but if it makes sense to you that's what really matters.
Hope that was helpful
-pigeon
Hello there
So, I thought your poem was a little confusing. Confusing in the sense that none of your stanza's really mesh well, each one stands on its own or has it's own topic. I don't know, maybe I'm not getting the big picture, but honestly that's how I see things. The first stanza I thought posessed some great imagery, but everything after that is very disjointed.
Keep writing