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Pop tunes

by silented1

You sound like a ghost, radio,

echoed songs of memories played like static

through my brain, I could feign images against my sketchbook

of hopes of copying down all that you sound,

in any way that I could.

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13 Reviews

Points: 966
Reviews: 13

Thu Aug 01, 2019 9:36 am
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riancarthy wrote a review...

I found it strange how these few lines could have such an impact on me. You really delivered and I thought the flow was quite good. I really couldn't find any mistakes or errors which is very good. I thoroughly enjoyed it and read it over and over a good few times. The title caught my eye as I was scrolling through and "Pop tunes" stood out to me in a good way! I really enjoyed and it shows your strength in writing! I hope you have a good day or night and all the best!

- rian

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Fri Jul 26, 2019 3:56 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay so I really love the title of this poem, it's really interesting it was the reason I came here to read your work. And that's what you need in a title, to bring your readers in. So you did a great job.
It's really funny how a poem with so few lines can hold so much emotion, and it's deep to. It also tells a really good tale, that some how I can relate to. It's funny with every poem I read I relate to it in away, but I'm sure that happens to everyone just in different ways.
The flow of your poem was perfect, and I really enjoyed reading this. Your choice of words was also really good.
I look forward to reading more of your works, this was a great joy. I'm glad I got to be one of the luck people to read and review your work, I hope I will see more of your works on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

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109 Reviews

Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:33 am
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silvermoon17 wrote a review...

It's strange how five lines can have so many meanings for so many different people. You never really go into details, you give vague descriptions of even vaguer things- but it works, and it's nice to read.
For imagery
You made a little comparison, right here "You sound like a ghost, radio," and at least every line there is a metaphor or imagery of some sorts. There is just one thing that I noticed the second time I read this poem, in your first line; maybe the word "radio", could have been something else, maybe it didn't even need to exist. Because your title directs us, but even though well chosen; the title would've maybe been much better had it included somehow, or directed us more towards "radio".
The reason your poem is so memorable, is because it's so singular. It means so many things; and yet it still is only five lines. I remember all your poems because.. wow.. how could i forget them?
In question of rhymes, none really; but poetry is also how you structure your sentences so no comments- the rhythm though. I think the flow grows until the third line, (nearly the double of the first line!) and then it decreases much faster than it increased, until that last line; "in any way that I could", which is kind of a melancholic way to end a poem about pop tunes.
What I could point out, is of course rhymes; but irregularity can be nice as well;
You see, you only talk about how it affects you in the climax really.
"through my brain, I could feign images against my sketchbook/ of hopes copying all that you sound/ in any way that I could"
But it's fine because we understand that you need to develop before you describe how it makes you feel.
Maybe a rhyme in your poem would be nice.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain