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Forsake me

by silented1

It's dark out now,

the streetlights have faded on

through the fog.

There's smoke in the air

from the last cigarette,

which makes its ghost no different

from the fog, I take another drag.

And exhale clouds while being pinned

to the ground.

Today will be the last nice day.

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17 Reviews

Points: 84
Reviews: 17

Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:14 pm
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salia4 wrote a review...

I really like this poem, there are few things I would change concerning structure and formatting that would help the poem flow better, as it appears to be free verse. For example I would cut "which makes" in the line "which makes its ghost no different" and add "from the fog" to that line. that would make the line "its ghost no different from the fog" and the next line would simply be "I take another drage" which makes for a good transition into the last portion of the poem. Also, in the next line, since you ended the last with a period, you may want to start the line with "I" rather than "and". Just a few thoughts, but I hope you find them helpful.

We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway