Roses burned
in reconciled soil,
like stars,
they grew with beauty
and burned, so violently.
Blue;
crying, so quietly,
mourning lost brothers,
taking in their light,
leaving only a silhouette.
As roses burned.
Red;
with passion,
anger and joy;
in those around them.
So beautiful, so great,
so superior, out shining
each other.
As roses burned.
Black,
dead and wilting,
an emotion genocide
shedding ember tears
and the inflamed reason of
not deserving the life
given to them.
As roses, so foolishly, burned,
out their wondrous beauty,
in needless pain.
Roses burned.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This reminds my of "The Bells" by Edgar Allen Poe. You should check it out.
Hey there!
My favourite thing about your poetry here Ed is the comparison of emotion to colour such as these lines:
It makes the whole poem seem like a giant metaphor of imaginative feeling and it creates this individuality. I know this isn't much help but I dislike nitpicking poetry I enjoy, so I though I'd just give you a touch of feedback.
Ben
i like the way in which you described the colours and the disciptions were fantastic i enjoyed reading it
This was a very good poem. The way you stuck to the theme of the poem throughout was very nice. However, I think you would get more emotion if you cut out some of the descriptive words like violently, beautiful, etc. especially in the "red" part of the poem. In what way weere the roses beautiful? Some more metaphor would really go a long way in getting the reader to picture your message and bring this poem to its potential, and potential it defienatly has.
Hey Eddie! I really enjoyed your poem, as always! When I read your poetry I always go away with something to think about. I love how you related the colors of the flowers with the emotions.
My nitpick is so tiny, I am almost ashamed to mention it:
For some reason this part of the poem did not flow very well. Could you reword it to say something about a life taken for granted or undeserving of the life given them. I'm not sure, it just was difficult for me to read.
Hope this helped!
Eddie. Harsh reviews...ahh, forever they be impossible with your work. *pats*
This is honestly a fantastic, well written poem. The words...the way you write it...all aspects are wonderful, truly and honestly. So basically, I have no critiques...not a very good job at reviewing on my part, but you make it so hard. *Sigh* I guess I can't punish you for awesomesauceness.
Tata! And, keep it up. I already know you will though
-Mizzle
Okay, it's meee! haha
I usually don't like it when poetry goes like
Blue...
Red...
Black...
I find it annoying, but here, you put so many other words and descriptions between those one word lines, that It covered up that annoance for me.
This is seriously one of the greatest poems I have read on YWS, and by far my favorite of yours.
Goodness, I keep going back and forth and I can't find anything wrong. It's absolutely flawless in my eyes...
Love it, keep poeting. (:P)
Classy
Hey Eddie!
I loved this poem, but then again, I love all your poems. I'm still amazed at how many you're managing to write considering the amount of reviewing you did! That said, I don't think this is my favourite poem of yours. I preferred 'Light will be my stepping stone', to be honest, but that doesn't diminish the fact that this is good, very good.
My one quibble would be the last stanza.
Just the repetition of 'roses burned' (although not exactly in that format) sounded a little strange. It wasn't the best ending ever.
But nice job! Lovely as always.
~Amy
This is so wonderful, it made my day reading this! I can't see anything that I would change I liked it so much! Havn't heard anything quite as good in a while.
-Flower-
Ed!
I missed you, in case you were wondering. XD
Anyway, this is awesome stuff! So cool that you were able to do this so soon after your brain being eaten by so much poetry.
The only thing I'd say to do is tweak a little punctuation.
Maybe, since "Blue;" and "Red;" both have semicolons and "Black," has a comma, you could change them to be the same. Personally, I think they might deserve colons.
"As roses, so foolishly, burned,
out their wondrous beauty," -- Here, I'd take out the comma after "burned."
Other than that, Ed, this is beautiful. My favorite parts:
I like that the soil is reconciled. Nice image.
Also, the emotion genocide.
*bows down to Ed.*
Take care!
~Freyja
There aren't many poems that I've come out and said that I like on here and this is one of them.Sorry my comments not some helpful dialogue that most others probably will be. But screw it! This is good dude. I like it.
Have to say I enjoyed It very much. A lot of feeling in this, and good imagery was used as well. I really only have one thing to point out.
The repetition of "As roses burned" was a nice touch, but it doesn't always flow well the way you have it written. The flow seems to stop when you say that as the last line. Have it flow into it.
That's all, improve flow a little and you'll have a very well written poem our hands. Hope this helps even a little.
~Spades