the angel from hell by silent_halo

it is nowhere near done but this is what i have so far, so enjoy!

Chapter 1

The Beginning

It was 3 am and my sister was being very annoying, as usual. She kept on jumping on my bed repeating the same words. “It is my birthday, it is my birthday… NOT yours.” I looked at her coldly and through her out of the room. I climbed into my bed, snuggled into the covers and closed my eyes…then I herd the faint cries of my sister. “MUM, MUM!” I was once again comfortable in my bed then found myself in the not so comfortable chair, in the death corner. I call it that for various reasons. It was 8 am before I was allowed to get out of that chair; I was there for so long I fell asleep! By that time my sister was singing happy birthday, my dad was screaming for the amount of times his hammer made contact with his hand, and mum was making the cake. The party started at 2pm and it was 1. I had one hour to think of a way of getting back at my sister for giving me diapers on my 13th birthday. The teasing and embarrassment was unbearable.

“ She must pay”

“What’s that matt?” said Haley grinning.

“ Nothing…much”

She looked at me weirdly. “Ok!” she walked away singing. Then it hit me, I shall use the old cake trick, when she goes to get her cake I will humiliate her in front of all her friends…just like she did to me! She will fall into the cake and run out of the room crying.

“ Perfect.”

“What’s perfect?”

“Agh! Stop jumping out of nowhere you little…” mum came round the corner and gave me the, if you call your sister a name it is the corner for you young man look.” Sweet sweet girl” I walked away grinning for my plan was in action and it was going to be sweet. Mum was suspicious because I had a smirk on my face even when Hailey was tugging on my shirt saying I was ugly and I should go back to planet mars.

Dad was always bad at this time of year, giving out presents to us on birthdays and Christmas. He would always say to Hailey “I know it isn’t much but it was all I could find.” And he would give her £50. £50 when all he gave me was 32 marbles. But I can’t blame the guy; he was never good at the present thing unless he was getting for himself. Mum would get her something expensive like last year she got Hailey a china doll from Asia! And once again I got a hot wheels extreme race track… which she got form eBay for £10 and the cars and stands were broken. But I got Hailey tipex not expensive or worth anything just… tipex, but what can I say it was a present from the heart…I mean ground.

The party was nothing but musical chairs, musical bumps and last but not least musical statues, oh yeah, and pass the parcel. The prize was a Barbie doll and clothes. How lame…says the guy who won. My parents made me play or I wouldn’t get any cake.” Just stop sulking and play a game, because clearly you are getting on my nerves!”

“ Fine but I want good piece, who knows what might happen, one of Hailey’s friends might get to it first” I smiled. As I walked into the living room my mum glared at me, knowing that something was up.

It had been two hours of fun and games for my sister and her friends, but I just stood there glaring at her waiting for the moment the cake will arrive. Mum was putting the finishing touches on the cake like the, ‘ I love you honey ‘ Icing written around the edge of the cake.” This is going to be so sweet! Ha-ha”

“What is? The cake? Yup it is going to be really sweet!” Hailey popped out of nowhere again.

“BLOODY HELL STOP THAT!”

“ Fine but you aren’t going to play dollies any more!” she said snootily.

“ That’s fine with me!!”

she walked away skipping as if she just forgotten I had shouted at her 2 minutes ago. Mum called my sister in to get the cake…I stood about ½ a foot away from the door and got ready. The singing started and out she came, I stuck out my foot and…

Chapter 2

The Accident

We were at least going seventy miles per hour. We were trying to get to the hospital as fast as possible; there was no time for an ambulance. Hailey had a gash across her face; it was bruised, blood wasn’t clotting, she was throwing up; she was about to die. My dad asked me to hold her up right. But I didn’t. she was leaning up on me and at the most I would press my finger up against her shoulder; cringing. Her clothes soaked I blood, the floor soaked in blood and everything else she was giving off all over the place.

Mum had fainted and dad was screaming at me for giving my sister a bad time. I was just as scared as anyone else. I did this to her. I did this. I am the reason. I felt deeply sick…or was that just because my sister just threw up on me… “ EWWWW EW EW EWWWWW!”

They dumped her on a wheelie bed and crashed through all of the swinging doors, the wheels gave of a screech every time we turned a corner. They pushed the bed into a light blue room, the utensils glimmering in the light and doctors in blue outfits staring at me…did they know?

It took 3 doctors to pry my mum off of bed. It was truly the end for me, my life and the future; for all of us.It had already been 3 to 4 hours; mum and dad were counting the amount of times the help signed flashed above the whitened doors…3…4…5…6 it seemed like forever.

They were done out came Hailey; mum ran to her put couldn’t see her they pulled Hailey into another room as mum plummeted to the ground laying in her tears. It was another half an hour before we could see her again.

First mum, then dad, they both stayed in there for about an hour while I was outside; ripping my self to bits. Did I do this? I did do this. It is my fault. It will always be my fault. I couldn’t stand it my head was spinning, I couldn’t stand; I threw up 3 times then I thought I went mad, I could hear voices…my mum and dad were talking to the nurse. I wobbled to my feet and I only could make out one word…

Coma

Chapter 3

Guilt and forgiveness

It was my turn to see her. But I couldn’t, the nurse came out to get me, to see if I was ok; I took one look into the room then. I ran through the long corridors crashing through the white doors. I watched the old and young getting sicker and sicker, dieing how could ‘god’ sit there and leave these people to die, to suffer.

As I got closer to my front door Jake came springing out from no where screaming” HELLO MATE!” I immediately collapsed on the floor painting of shock. He pulled me up then patted me on the back.

“Why the long face sour puss?” he looked deep into my eyes giving me a playful look.

“My sister is in a comma Jake, so leave me alone.” He skipped after me and I slammed the door in his face and then slumped against the door and began to cry.

“pull yourself together…you can’t been seen crying over…a…stupid little twerp.”

Grabbing onto the door handle and hoisted my self-up. I couldn’t stop replaying the accident in my head no matter how much I tried, I wanted to pull my hair out I couldn’t….I couldn’t…

Hailey’s room. The one place she would stay quiet, she wouldn’t bug me she wouldn’t; be there any more. My stomach started to squelch and once again I felt sick. Like the kind of sick you get when you feel guilt and want forgiveness. I sat on her bed and caressed her pillow, looked at the walls coverd in pony posters; rage was starting to build up inside me.

I grasped at the walls and shredded at the posters punched the pillows then the walls. I threw the pictures out of the window I tore at her bed…then when the rage left my body like a leaf to a tree. I collapsed on her spongy bed and drifted away into a deep sleep.

When I woke up Hailey was there standing right in front of me smiling, with her arms spread out as if it never happened, I tried to run to her but she was moving away, the room darkening.

“HAILEY! COME BACK! HAILEY!”

she withered away into a puddle of black dust. the room got smaller I couldn’t breath then…

“AAGGHH”

I began to pant. It was a dream, As I went to grab for the alarm clock I stumbled out of the bed landing on one of Haley’s old toys; once again I made a grab for the clock.

It was only 3:30. I needed to get away; it was time to see Hailey.

Sprinting for the nearest clothes cupboard I grasped for my red jumper and jeans.

“ What’s that sound?”

it was a frightening…. snore? Oh dad was dreaming again, he always snores when he is dreaming.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Nutty
Review
Nutty wrote a review · Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:06 pm

Comma is ','. I'm pretty sure you mean coma. :wink:

painting on the floor- panting?

But apart from that, It's a great story. I'll be looking for updates.

Au revior!

Nutty.

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miyaviloves
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Again this is good, but you could add a lot more of desciption of the emotion he is feeling, from the sadness to the anger he feels could be much more elaborated. Well done again :)
miyaviloves

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silent_halo Comment

tnx for the prob check i will get right on that i have more to post so wait and see. :o

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miyaviloves
Review

Right first things first:

I herd the...
herd should be heard.

touches on the cake like the, ‘ I love you honey ‘ Icing written around the edge of the cake.
You have already said its a cake, so the last cake isnt needed really.

It took 3 doctors to pry my mum off of bed.
this dosent make much sense :S


They were done out came Hailey; mum ran to Hailey put couldn’t see her they pulled Hailey into another room as mum plummeted to the ground laying in her tears. It was another half an hour before we could see her again.
I feel you have said Hailey too much here, you could say 'my sister' or 'her'

And im not too sure if comma is spelt that way...im really not sure lol, i suggest you look it up, it just dosent look right.

This needs work, but all writing here does, or it wouldnt be posted :D You definatly have potential for a good story, but maybe you could develop your characters a bit more?

In chapter three you need to separate the speech, you have done this in the other chapters, this just needs fixing.

I liked this, and i hope that you post more, as i want to know what happens! Good luck ith the rest of your writing!

Miyaviloves

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silent_halo Comment

every now and then i will edit this. so there will be no confusion. ok? enjoy please, and i know it may be chopy at parts but i will edit the text soon. thank you.



You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling