The teachers,the parents,the bosses;
All want a focused man,
They feel focus is a snack,
Which can be eaten,
They feel lack of focus is disease,
It can be cured,
They feel that I just don't want
To be a focused man;
BUT they don't realise I am a focused man,
My focus a little different their ideas of a focussed man,
So I can surely say that I also am a focused man....
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140,530 Literary Works • 673,402 Reviews
I like it, especially how your poem is so versatile. It doesn't have to be about focus. It could really be about anything, and that's what makes it so great.
But, this is a review, and if it was all praise it would be worthless. So, down to business.
I think you used too much punctuation. The semicolon in the first line is grammatically incorrect, as the first and second lines are the same clause. Also, the fact that you used commas after almost every line takes the affect away from the places that a comma would be beneficial.
Otherwise, I think this is great. Keep doing whatever you're doing, because it's definitely working!
Hi siddharthnair,
This poem has a very interesting concept, I like your topic of what other people expect and want of you in life, and, in turn, your opinion of yourself, and their opinions.
However, I think you can portray these different views and the complexity of these ideals in a longer poem. Try thinking about how else you can express how you feel towards these people, towards society, and add a bit to the piece you've already come up with.
Just a few things:
You've misspelt focused, not "focussed". Which is a big part of the poem!!
In the second line, there's a type "All,want"?
I would say "they Think" rather than "they feel" in the third line, but that's up to your own personal interpretation of it.
Well done, and keep writing
-theb00kthi3f
This was a appealing pome. It shared a part of you and has also gave a taste of reality. All it really needs is the attention, so I would suggest working on it a bit more to get that desired attention. Everything else seems okay. Oh there is one more thing, make it more lengthy, people love lengthy pomes.
Good work my friend, hope to see more poetic skills from you in the future! Keep writing!