Published October 19, 2011
People think nothings wrong
Why?
Because they always see me smile
The way i think of it
Behind every smile there is a tear
Behind all my smiles is how i hide myself.
Hide myself from the world
Hiding so no one can know
Know what really can hurt me
Know what my real emotions are
Behind my smiles there are so many tears
Tears that only appear when Im alone
No one knows about my tears
I always try not to show my tears
It makes me feel weak
Behind all my smiles theres always a lie
One thing is for sure theres always sad feeling
Behind my smiles
there always be hidden tears
tears that will forever hide my fears
behind all my smiles
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141,721 Literary Works • 675,616 Reviews
A little repetetive, but overall I really REALLY love this poem. This describes me so much, and you are able to put into words really well what I imagine a lot of people feel. So many people just hide behind emotions, whether they be happiness or anger, or whatever. This was really good!
Hi there! Welcome to YWS!
Now, I'm not a poem-writer, so I'm not going to pick at the mechanics. I just want to say that this poem is so true and the feeling behind it is so honest. I have just one problem:
I realize that you're making a point repeating tears over and over again, but I feel like it gets too repetitive and redundant (not the concept, just the actual word tears). I can't think of any synonyms off the top of my head (I don't even think there are any), but try rephrasing. For example, something like "Being my smiles there are so many tears/Drops of misery that only appear when I'm alone." or something like that.
Overall, this is a very emotional piece. Very true, very real, and very meaningful. I love it! Keep writing!
Thank you all for your tips. I was a bit nervous when I this but I appericate the help. Thank you.
You have a few grammar mistakes but that can't be helped.
Especially its your first poem here in YWS, other than that its a very good poem.
It has a very good strong emotion to it.
Hopefully, I get to see more of your work.
Keep up the good work.
*~ER~*
I really liked this! It was a nice simple read. But...you need to capitalize all of your I's and capitalize each word that starts a new line. So it should look like this -
Everything in blue is what I changed.
Also I am not very good at reviewing poetry but I think this should go into other, instead of Lyrics? I could be wrong but its just a thought.
Over all I thought it was great!, a bit rough around the edges, but very good for your first post!
Keep Writing!
~KJR~